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An Open Letter to Elder Holland

A photo graph looking down at a hand holding the envelope of a letter addressed to Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. On Monday August 23, 2021 Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, a beloved apostle of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints gave a speech to the staff and faculity at Brigham Young University, my alma mater. You can listen to and read the full transcript here, as I have done. The following is a letter I have written, printed out and will mail directly to him at the church headquarters (you cannot reach an apostle directly through email–address above if you’d like to do the same.) If you plan to comment below, I encourage you to listen to/read his address in full, and read my letter in full before doing so. As always I have the right to close comments and delete any comments I see fit. While I may engage in kind and respectful discourse, I also don’t owe anyone any explanations. Thanks.

Elder Holland,

I am so confused and distraught this morning as I read the full transcript, and subsequently listened to your talk given to the staff and faculty of BYU Monday August 23, 2021.

As you started your talk with all the things you love about BYU, I would like to start my letter by telling you all the things I love about you. You have long been a “favorite apostle” meaning, an apostle whose words have often felt like a healing balm to my soul. I remember listening to “An High Priest of Good Things to Come” on repeat in the early 2000’s with tears streaming down my face as I was going through a terrible break up, not sure if I would ever recover. (I did. My husband and I just celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary.) In 2012 your General Conference talk entitled Laborers in the Vineyard gave me incredible insight into the atonement and how I might also be more generous of spirit with myself and others. I could go on and on, but the fact of the matter is I have listened to your words and felt their love, compassion and testimony of Christ for decades.

Therefore it was disheartening–actually, it was heart-wrenching–to hear your words in regards to the LGBTQ+ community and even the mere show of support form them–yes, advocacy– at BYU, which felt uncharacteristically harsh. In particular I was stunned by the one-sided call for unity, your public denouncement of BYU graduate Matt Easton, and repeatedly invoking the imagery of muskets, aka guns.

My overall understanding of your remarks was that showing support and love for the LGBTQ+ community on BYU’s campus through coming out publicly, flag waving and other demonstrations/symbols, causes division. I respectfully yet fervently disagree. I know my voice isn’t the most important one you should be hearing, but this presses too great upon my heart not to say anything at all.

In a call for unity over divisiveness, it was confounding to hear you publicly denounce Matt Easton who came out during his valedictorian speech at a BYU graduation ceremony a few years ago. Though you did not mention him by name, his story was public enough that his name was only a couple clicks away. You say he “commandeered” a graduation podium by sharing his sexual orientation, and then you expressed fear for the slippery slope of his speech saying “what might another speaker feel free to announce the next year until eventually anything goes?” This does not sound like a call for unity, as much as a call for silence for those who are gay, and those who openly show their love and support for them.

However, you said nothing about BYU facility member Hank Smith who bullied a gay BYU student on Twitter this past April in tandem with the absolutely reprehensible#Deznat group known for their extremist views and violent language. This isn’t just a case of “friendly fire,” but rather an outright abuse of power–a shot to the back at point blank range if you will. Why wasn’t that example also brought to light and publicly denounced? I was dumbfounded to see Easton’s actions categorized as divisive, and yet Smith’s actions not even acknowledged. (Frankly I’m still confused why he wasn’t fired from his position as a teacher of religion of all things at BYU when he knowingly put a target on the back of an already vulnerable student?)

This very dynamic sets the stage for what many feel like has long been the plight of the LGBTQ+ people in (and out of) the church. Public shame for those who are gay, simply for being gay, and even more so for having the courage to be openly gay. And silence and protection for those who abuse the LGBTQ+ community in the name of Christ.

It is because of professors like Hank Smith, and a world full of people who have thrown vitriol, hate and violence at the LGBTQ+ community for so long–in other words division– including those of our faith, that someone like Matt Easton did what he did and why so many of us supported him, and still do.

To be even more clear, Easton wasn’t creating any division, but rather he was helping to reconcile it. In Matt’s own words on Twitter he responded to your words by saying:

Had Matt Easton come out at any other University graduation instead of BYU, this would not be national news. Matt Easton shared his sexuality during graduation because BYU–both historically and clearly still in present day–has not been a welcoming and safe environment for their LGBTQ+ students. Of course this has everything to do with Church doctrine as you have stated, which I will address later. Thus, his coming out was a show of support and love to the approximately 13% of BYU students who identify as members of the LGBTQ+ . That’s the same reason BYU students and faculty have been waving so many flags, lighting the Y and so on–to show support, love and unity for a group of people within the church who so often feel dismembered from the body of Christ.

You mentioned your love of BYU going on for nearly 4 decades. But for 4 decades there have been a lot of students that BYU did not love in return. I believe that the love of an institution should never overshadow the love of God’s children.

Elder Holland, you shared genuine concern and love for the LGBTQ+ community. However, in the context of your entire remarks it simply did not feel like enough. The world has been far more than “unkind and crushingly cruel” to the LGBTQ+ community. It has been hateful, violent, demeaning and deadly. Which is why the repeated imagery of muskets felt particularly painful. I understand that you were speaking of the need to “defend the faith” in general, but for a community that has experienced too much violence and hatred, the parallel was shocking and lacked empathy. Just last week a married lesbian couple, Kylen Schulte and Crystal Turner, were found murdered in southern Utah. The suicide rates among LGBTQ+ youth in Utah is among the highest in the country. We know that LGBTQ+ youth are at a higher risk of dying by suicide than their heterosexual counterparts. When Matt Easton came out at BYU’s graduation, he may have saved a life. That’s unity.

While you no doubt have shed tears on the matter, surely you haven’t shed more tears than a family who lost a child to suicide because they were gay because they had been taught that their very identity was rooted in sin? Surely you haven’t felt the hopelessness that some of our gay brothers and sisters feel in a gospel that preaches love and family, while simultaneously denying the ability for them to follow suit and remain in good standing with the Church. The sympathy for their “struggles” as you call them, was lost in the call for things to be “kept in some proportion and balance… For example, we have to be careful that love and empathy do not get interpreted as condoning and advocacy, or that orthodoxy and loyalty to principle not be interpreted as unkindness or disloyalty to people.”

In the next sentence you talk of Christ’s enduring love for all his children, but also not mistaking His love for an allowance of sin. I have always found this balance to be most imbalanced depending on who the Church is talking about. When it comes to questioning the actions of Church leaders past or present the answer always allows for the most grace possible in saying things like, “He’s just a man… no one said he was perfect.” But when it comes to our LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters, there are super-human expectations placed on their shoulders to live a life of celibacy, devoid of intimate companionship, and the rhetoric suddenly becomes “God cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance” and “Through Christ all things are possible.”

Which brings us to the crux of the matter–the doctrine.

I can only speak for myself–although I have a strong feeling that I am not alone in this–I simply don’t believe that our current doctrine is the truth, or at least the whole of the truth of the matter, when it comes to the doctrine of the family as it pertains to our LGBTQ+ siblings. The Church is imperfect, as are we all, and we know there have been mistakes in terms of doctrine and/or teachings before. As it stands the Church acknowledges that people are born with homosexual feelings, meaning it is not simply a choice. However, the Church also insists that all sexual relations are to be reserved between a man and a woman, united in marriage. This leaves the LGBTQ+ community with very few, nearly impossible, paradoxical choices. In the gospel of Jesus Christ we’re often presented with paradoxical dilemmas. I often speak of Mother Eve’s courageous decision to my girls to help them understand that sometimes two doctrines will butt up against each other and it is imperative that we consider the circumstances of our particular situation, weigh the consequences and choose the most right thing. Thus, Eve ate the fruit. See also Nephi and Laban.

Along those lines the current answers are simply not enough and frankly, don’t make sense to many of us. I have a hard time believing that a loving Father and Mother in heaven sent their children down here with an attraction to the same sex–not by fault or defect, but by design–and yet are expected to live lives void of intimacy and companionship. Further, I do not believe that our Savior Jesus Christ and our Heavenly parents ever intended for the Church to instill feelings of inadequacy, shame and hopelessness in these siblings of ours. So yes, it is the very doctrine as we currently understand it that many of us question and that many of us hope and pray will be updated.

And even if I professed my belief in this doctrine, as I have in the past, at the very least, I cannot and will not stand in condemnation of any person who finds true love, acceptance and companionship in a same sex relationship. I simply can not do it.

But I absolutely DO stand in condemnation of people who demean, ridicule, belittle and commit acts of violence against the LGBTQ+ community. There is and has never been any gray area in that matter. Yet time after time, these reprehensible acts are overlooked, often on the basis of “defending the faith.” Musket fire.

I graduated BYU in 2001 with a degree in Fine Art. I have a daughter who is a freshman in high school and I too am one of those parents who wonder if I can still send my kids to BYU, but for the opposite reason as the parents you mentioned. Does BYU truly care about the marginalized? Does BYU really have a place for the LGBTQ+ community and ALL their students? Will BYU hold those who spew messages of hate, more accountable than those who are simply trying to live a life filled with love?

One final thought, as the mother of a daughter who is a wheelchair user the idea of accessibility is with me constantly. In short, access. How do we grant the most amount of access to the greatest amount of people? The answer: “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.” (Matthew 25:40) You look for “the least of these” and design accordingly. For example, when we design spaces for people with the least amount of mobility–wheelchair users, people with walkers, canes, etc–you make the space accessible to everyone. While stairs are accessible for most, a ramp is accessible for all. No one is left behind when you consider “the least of these.” Along the same lines, when designing BYU to feel like a place of belonging for everyone, we must think of the people who have had the least amount of acceptance, the least amount of privilege, the least amount of safety, the least amount of access. And if you can create a feeling and love and belonging for the least of these our brethren, sisters and everyone in-between, then everyone will have equitable access to that love, safety and belonging.

Elder Holland, I have so much love for this gospel, and for my savior Jesus Christ whom I have felt personally lift me from the depths of darkness, and for you as an Apostle. I am grateful for the grace and mercy the Lord extends to us all. And in the words of Nephi I confess, “I know that He loveth His children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.” And when confronted with things I don’t understand, I’ll err on the side of love.

Sincerely,
Amy Webb

Cincinnati, OH
Montgomery Ward

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