Advice for a Great IEP Meeting

I mentioned going to Lamp’s IEP (Individualized Education Program) meeting on Instagram a few weeks ago and what a great experience it has always been for us. But I also acknowledged that I know this is not the case for many people. I believe that one reason our meetings have always been smooth sailing is the fact that Lamp doesn’t have an “invisible” disability like autism. While there are social drawbacks to having a visible disability (she never flys under the radar), one of the benefits is that people never question her need for assistance. That being said, we are preparing for a major shift next year as Lamp will start (dramatic pause) middle school. I know. I KNOW. I can’t believe it either. It’s not just a change in environment (the middle school is MUCH bigger) it’s a change in nearly everything. Going from having one homeroom teacher for most of her academic classes, to now having a new teacher every period. There is a lot of planning and preparation going into this right now and it feels like a very big deal.

At the end of that post I asked people to write in if they wanted to contribute to a blog post about IEP’s. I wanted them to share their experiences, thoughts, tips, suggestions, really anything they wanted to share about their experience. To my surprise (and delight) most of the people that wrote in were special education teachers and educators (most of whom are also mothers) wanting to share both their perspective and their tips in getting the most out of your child’s IEP. Honestly, this information is SO VALUABLE (one person asked to remain anonymous because she’s telling us information she can’t share with parents in person). Even though our IEP’s have always gone smoothly, I wish I had a lot of this info before. I also share the perspective of two mothers as well and their tips for navigating these sometimes difficult meetings.

Please, if you have any more information or experiences you’d like to share, please tell us in the comment section. Maybe we can even use the collective hive mind and help each other problem solve a specific problem or at least brainstorm solutions.

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Amy–Early Childhood Special Ed Teacher, mother of 3 (and one on the way!)

1) …If your boxing gloves are already on before the meeting has ever started then I would most certainly expect it to be tense. Try to come with an attitude of working together. Because the vast majority of the time the professionals really do want to see your child succeed!

Also, don’t show up at a meeting with an advocate or attorney without informing the district.  Legally a district cannot have anyone attend the meeting that you have not been informed of ahead of time (the people/professions will be listed in paperwork sent home prior to the meeting). It is a sign of courtesy to share with the district who you plan to invite.

2) Know the law!! And not just the federal law but YOUR state’s interpretation of the law! It should be on your state Dept of Ed website. This is for your protection as a parent/child AND for you to hopefully understand where a school district is coming from when they say no to a request. By far the most common parental request is 1:1 adult support for their child and if you come to a meeting asking for that with no understanding of the school district’s side, expect a battle. Read literature on why 1:1 aids might not be as successful as you think and read literature that supports it.  Districts are ruled by data (we hate it too!) If you want something like a 1:1 aid come with data or ask if the district would be willing to help support you in collecting data to show why your child needs it. Just saying “I know my child would just thrive with _____” doesn’t cut it.

3) Try to develop a relationship with your child’s teachers. I know sometimes this is hard–especially for working parents. Having a relationship allows you to problem solve together throughout a school year rather than letting the IEP be a dumping ground.

4) Special Ed professionals live in a constant fear of legal action. There’s always lawsuits, things changing in districts and at the state level due to lawsuits. Literally there are things we cannot say because we cannot go against the districts stance on something. Sometimes we say no to the silliest requests because at some point in time there was a lawsuit regarding it.

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Anonymous– Early Childhood Special Education Teacher

There are a couple of things I want people to know about IEPs and things I wish I could tell parents.

1- We put endless amounts of work into these. We don’t get extra planning time to work on them either so they are mostly done either in a darkened locked school where we are the only ones left in the building or home at our kitchen tables drinking coffee late at night trying to get them done. We work HARD on these.

2- There are very specific ways the local education representatives want things done and they change their minds daily. The wording has to be super specific and it changes [frequently.] It never gets easier bc as soon as you learn what they want it changes.

3- It’s all INSANELY political. We don’t get to write the goals we want to write sometimes. We have to justify every. single. service. your kid gets. And we want your kid to get all the services possible. We choose different angles to skew the data so that your kid gets what they need. A lot of our assessments are things like, “Billy falls within the 3-5 year old age range in communicating using conventional grammar” but we KNOW your kid needs speech, we are going to say she falls into the 3 yr old age range. If we know that they are going to pull her out of inclusion and into a full time self contained classroom if she’s too behind and we know that inclusion is benefiting her, we are going to say she’s in the 5 yr old age range. It’s SUCH bullshit. The county is trying to play the system to spend as little money as possible on your kid and we are trying to play the system to make sure your kid gets what they need.

4- We hate how negative the language is in these meetings. We hate focusing on what your kid can and can’t do. We spend all day with your kids and we know them heart and soul and hate how these meetings reduce them to numbers and checklists. However we know this is a necessary evil- see number 3.

5- Don’t take what you hear at these meetings too seriously. We might be making it sound like your kid is much lower functioning than they are because there was a budget cut that you don’t know about and we are having to justify your kid keeping their services but we aren’t allowed to tell you that. Who knows what’s going on that’s influencing the meeting. Again- see number 3.

6- If you really want to know how your kid is doing, schedule a one on one meeting with your kid’s teacher and ask them what your kid is doing well with and what they are still struggling with and what the next steps are. We still can’t tell you all the behind the scenes stuff but you are going to get a much better picture of what’s actually going on in the classroom and if you’re genuine and honest we may even slip in a bit of information we maybe aren’t technically supposed to if we think it might benefit your kid. In IEP meetings we have our higher ups breathing down our necks and we are often going in gearing up for a fight for your kids. We go into conferences ready to share and listen.

7- A LOT of data goes into these things. When we say your child is doing something 57% of the time, it’s because we have clipboards in our hands the whole time we are working on goals with your kiddos. Depending on the goals we are taking tally marks, counting how many prompts we give your kid to help them be successful, counting words per utterance, taking down success ratios, etc. Then all that raw data gets typed up and organized into formal charts. And all those charts get calculated in graphs and percentages. And then all of that get written in narrative form in their progress reports and IEPs. None of that is our opinion or pulled from our heads. It’s all backed up by an insane amount of data.

8- Kids are different at home and at school! Even if you KNOW they can do something, we can’t say they’re successful at it unless we have the data to prove it. They often do stuff at school they won’t do at home (clean up, sustain attention, etc) and they’ll do stuff at home they won’t do at school (often times expressive language). It’s normal and human!

9- The percentages are also based on the whole quarter- so if your kid has suddenly become 100% successful at counting to 10 in the past 2 weeks, that’s amazing and we will mention it in the narrative if we can; but their percentage will still be 50% bc we can’t just erase the data from a month ago when they weren’t doing it all all- it’s an average.

10- We can’t do a DAMN THING unless you sign off on it. So if you are unhappy at the end of a meeting, refuse to let them finalize it. I’ve had kids who definitely did not need it, getting one-on-one resource 3 hours a day and kids who had never been in an inclusive classroom a day in their life be put into typical kindergarten with absolutely no supports. The difference was one mom was a lawyer who said what she wanted and insisted on it, and the other parents didn’t even know they could argue. Drag that shit on. I’ve had meetings last all damn day which, not gonna lie, is kind of hell for us, but in the end it’s your kid and you have the power to fight for them.

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Rebecca McLaren–Special Education Teacher
I love IEP meetings… Something that is so insanely important to me as a teacher is that parents are as open and honest as possible. The more I know about what’s working at home or what’s not working, the more I can match my strategies with theirs.

I love the addition of mental health providers at our IEP meetings if the student is receiving services. Having their input from therapies or groups the student is attending only fill our toolbox with more tools for when things get tough.

Most importantly, I want to make sure that parents have a voice that is loud and clear in the meeting. It’s easy for me to assume that I know their student and everything that does and doesn’t work, but the reality is I don’t. When parents know that their voice matters, they play a much more active role in their student’s educational lives.

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Wendy, Special Education Teacher
Knowledge is power… Know your hopes. Know your needs. Know the laws. Know that it might (not) go smoothly.

Don’t (over) power it or anyone. Trust the collective knowledge to be a powerful force for your child. If there is an imbalance in the knowledge and power, ask for help!

Power is not you versus them. It is everyone working together for the student’s best interests.

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Courtney, Special Education Teacher
The truth is you are the parent and the expert on your child. You know them better than anyone. Your insights are so valuable.

I have lots of ideas about system, routines, and methods of instruction. I know what research says works and what best practices are. That said it’s called an individualized education plan for a reason. I’d love to brainstorm with you how to best meet your child’s needs across all settings.

One big thing I wish more parents knew is that I would love if you share your hopes and dreams for your child both for this school year and life. When we are clear about what we are working toward, it’s so much easier to craft the plan to get there. It breaks my heart to hear when parents have difficulty with their child’s team. It’s supposed to be just that, a team.

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Kelly @kellmee, mother of 2 Autistic sons
For my oldest, in the beginning, I was pretty naive about how the whole IEP process worked. I had a non-verbal child, so I just went with everything they said. Nothing was explained to me. They went over their report, gave me his goals, put the IEP in front of me and told me to sign….Thankfully after that, I had met a ton of other mothers who were well versed in IEP’s who explained the process to me…. As for my youngest… at the IEP, I had to firmly state that all these issues they are claiming my kid no longer has, that he still does. But all I am being met back with is, “it doesn’t affect him here.” I am really hoping that come the time of his triennial that they do what’s best for him.

Some of the things I do prior to the IEP to help me prepare:
I have an IEP binder. I have it organized by IEP’s/Evaluations, Regional Center, Medi-Cal, so on and so on. Whatever your child gets via their disability minus medical stuff, I keep in this binder. It’s all organized by tabs, and in the front, I keep a copy of my parental rights. I bring this every time I go to the IEP’s just in case I need to look back to a prior IEP.. And on the cover of the binder, I put pictures of my kid. That way the team can see it. The days prior I really try and review the last IEP/progress report. That way I can really know what they may talk about going in.

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Kathryn–Mother to a son who has a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, Anxiety, and Sensory Processing Disorder.

• Play nice. You do have to work with people and try to make it as much of a team effort as possible even if it’s not fair. You have to see their perspective. It does help to get more services and we did receive more than we would have if we hadn’t been respectful and empathetic of the situation.
• Still be clear with what you believe. You are your child’s advocate. Don’t be afraid to respectfully disagree.
• Get involved with the school either in your child’s class or the PTA. Get to know your child’s teacher and show them appreciation. I think administrators see that involvement and are more willing to work harder for you in your child’s meeting. It’s not fair, but I do believe it’s true and helps
• Call the Utah Parent Center and ask if one of their representatives will come to the meeting with you. Also they offer IEP classes to teach about your rights. This has been SO helpful
• Be open minded But also keep notes, and data on how things are going. Keep your emails, and keep things in writing if possible.
• ask other therapists you work with out of school to attend the meeting and offer their input as asked. Get on the same page with them before they attend though.
• If you are worried about safety, say that. When things weren’t safe and I clearly said that— they were more receptive and offered a temporary aide for a period of time however they didn’t show up sometimes but they will try more because it affects them legally.
• Make notes and prepare what you want to say in every outcome before going in. Be aware that your fight might take more time than one meeting.
• Insist on the principal being there and the whole team. You can request rescheduling if they aren’t. This sometimes happens where they don’t show up
• Start where you can. This is also an inclusive tip that I leave with a lot of schools but with a broken system and the disservice we’ve created on how we treat individuals with disabilities, it takes time to change hearts and mindsets but it’s can happen with persistence, respect, organization, and some data to back it up.
• Speaking of data, show them how the child succeeds outside of school if the teacher doesn’t believe in your child’s potential. That has helped with us. The teachers didn’t believe he would ever be able to write and wanted to stop worrying about it but when I showed a video of him writing and brought his therapist to our meeting to explain how she has found success with him doing it, they were more receptive to trying.

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Wow! Such amazing and insightful advice right? Some of the thoughts that really hit home to me:

–By and large teachers and educators want your child to succeed. They want to work with you, not against you.

–Understanding the politics behind it all! Wow–this was an eye opener for me. I was surprised to learn how much goes on behind the scenes that they can’t tell you about, but that it can determine a lot for your kid. Also, not taking what is said about your child too seriously in the meetings because they are trying to get more services, and to do that, they need to prove a need. Gosh it can be so deflating to hear all the things your child “isn’t” but to go in with a mindset that they are trying to get your child more resources and that they know your child isn’t just  bunch of data points on a piece of paper is a really helpful way to reframe it.

–Keep a binder of all data, former IEP’s, etc! Honestly, I don’t keep anything organized at all because as I said, I really don’t “need” to, but it’s a brilliant idea. Also, taking an IEP class offered by the state and/or connecting with other parents who know the process and can guide you.

–Know your rights! You can bring advocates with you, collect data, etc. And at the end of the day, if you don’t sign off on anything it’s not going to go through.

I hope this was helpful for some of you out there! Did anyone else learn anything new? What else would you add to what has been said above?

Hope you have a fantastic weekend!
Happy Friday.

XO,
Miggy