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Last week I finished watching the 4 part docuseries Lorena on Amazon and I loved it. I was surprised by how little I knew about the real story and even more surprised to find myself so enamored and impressed with Lorena herself. If you’re thinking “What? The woman who cut off her husband’s penis? You’re impressed with her?” Yes. Can we talk about it? Beware, if you haven’t watched the series there are spoilers ahead. (And you really should watch it.)
Here’s what I knew about the story when it happened in the 90’s and in the subsequent years. A women, Lorena Bobbitt, cut off her husband’s penis in a fit of rage. (I can’t remember if I knew about the alleged abuse.) I knew that miraculously, the “organ” as it was repeatedly referred to in the docuseries, was successfully reattached and later Mr. Bobbitt took his famous organ and went on to star in some porn films. That’s about all I knew.
Turns out there was a lot I didn’t know. I didn’t know other salacious details like the fact that immediately after the horrific act, Lorena fled the scene and drove away with the severed penis in her hand, flinging it out the window into a random field. (!) I didn’t know she was an immigrant with little family and support close by. I didn’t know she was a 20 year old virgin when she married her husband. And, most importantly, I didn’t know she suffered years of abuse, including marital rape and sodomy, at the hands of her husband. I suppose I should say allegedly, but after watching the series, I believe her. And I didn’t know that while her ex-husband has gone on to be accused of more domestic violence, arrested for theft, has been unable to hold a steady job (both during their marriage and since) and that he STILL WRITES LORENA LOVE LETTERS (let that one sink in), Lorena, on the other hand, has gone on to claim her “American Dream” by staying together with another partner for over 20 years (never re-married), have a 13 year old daughter together, and she runs a nonprofit for survivors domestic violence.
This documentary is of course laced with the Inside Edition, tabloid-style journalism of the 90’s because that’s really all the coverage a story like this garnered back then. So yes, there is some of that. But overall the story is told with integrity and compassion. Which is probably what struck me the most–how did we miss it? How did we–the media and the people–miss the real story? How did we–the media and the people–turn this woman’s trauma into a punchline? Yes of course people knew she was abused–John Bobbitt was on trial for abuse and marital rape and sadly acquitted–but the entire focus was still about his severed penis.
Having lived through the past 2 years of #metoo and watching powerful men fall left and right (while some remain unmoveable and even bring their temper-tantrum throwing friends up with them) I felt the collective rage of women much older than me as I let it sink in that even when a woman is abused, raped, sodomized and pushed so far to the edge she actually cuts. off. her. husband’s. penis… the world laughs.
It’s not that I condone Lorena’s act of rage or suggest anyone repeat it, but I do believe it was an act of rage. No actually, it was an act of protection and survival done in rage. Thankfully the court believed her as she was found innocent by reason of insanity. But in the aftermath, who do people rally around? John Bobbitt and his penis. He becomes a regular on Howard Stern’s show while Howard says things like, Lorena wasn’t even good looking enough to rape, which reminds me, when did we decide Howard Stern was a good person deserving of our acclaim and admiration? Oh right, never. Where’s his #metoo comeuppance? John goes on to make adult films and is hired as a greeter for a brothel. A terribly, uncomplicated job that John still can’t quit get the hang of somehow.
Lorena isn’t a story about a severed penis–it never should have been. Lorena is a story of survival and resilience in the aftermath of trauma. Lorena is about the difference between tabloid journalism and the telling real stories. Lorena is a masterclass about perseverance in the face of public humiliation and how to move forward with your life.
For me this film comes down to these two quotes that I hope seep into the mind of every man who watches. One, a sex worker named Air Force Amy sits on the edge of a bed and smartly assess, “Cut a million clits off in Africa, and nobody hears a word. Cut one dick off, and the whole f*$&%@* country stops.”
Lastly, as Lorena is sifting through letters from John she has received over the years, some that remain unopened, she says, “I mean I cut off his penis, it’s like just leave me alone.”
Yep. It’s a mans world and no matter what we do, we still can’t be left the eff alone.
I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on this series? What stood out to you? Are you too suddenly a fan of Lorena Bobbitt? Did anyone else feel the rage coming off the screen from all those women decades ago who were saying he got what he deserved? I couldn’t help but think how for so many women older than me, this #metoo movement has been as slow as molasses and no wonder there is a surge of collective anger. Do you feel it too? Also, just finished the documentry series on Michael Jackson… WOW. Another story coming into the light… I believe it. Do you?
I haven’t watched them yet but I absolutely agree with you.
WATCH!
I was obsessed with this case as a kid!!! I actually haven’t watched the docuseries yet (that’s what a weekend is for) but I knew not much would be ruined for me, spoiler wise. I remember thinking then, good for her…and as a kid (I was 15, a sophomore in HS when the story broke) I thought Lorena was in shock and the throwing his penis in a field made total sense to me. My mom never discouraged us from staying informed about most all topics. One of the MANY things I love about her!
Strange story about when I saw John Bobbitt. I live in Las Vegas and a few years after the case, I’m a little older (in college 18 or 19 1996-1997 ish) and I just saw him standing in line for security. For some reason him just being in line so close like a normal person, when to me he was NOT a normal person, was bizarre. He was such a joke of a person to me in every sense, that it was weird to me at the time to see him. Like, don’t be in public dude Laughable to call him a man and funny to me too that he has to walk with the mark of getting what he deserved in a moment, not justice…eye for an eye moment in my mind. I was traveling with my mom and I started telling her, that John Wayne Bobbit was in line and she was kind of ignoring me (I’m barely quiet as it is) and so I got louder and more insistent that she notice this guy. People around me started noticing him and my mom died and was so mad at me for the rest of our travels because she felt like people were judging that a kid knew who he was. I kept saying everyone knows who he is mom, they just maybe didn’t spot him (that may have been my fault). In my mom’s version of this story she says I did a chopping motion with my hand, when trying to get her attention.
She is an interpreter for the deaf and so she says I did the sign for “stop” while saying his name to her and so in her mind she’s saying that was the same as pointing to my croch. hahaha Anyway, my mom said she actually questioned herself for a moment of like this whole story is about sex, and a penis, and porn, and violence…should my kid be able to spot this man in a crowd in an airport? So, now as an adult I think my mom wasn’t that mad at me just reacted because of some internal worries NO ONE looked at my mom, or said anything, and let’s remember I was an adult anyway. So, nothing to “judge”
So now,I’m super excited to get more of this fascinating story that I once upon a time couldn’t get enough of.
OK I laughed out loud at your comment when you described your mom’s version of the story. I don’t know if it’s just me, but I feel like there is this weird divide between us feeling like society was a lot more buttoned up when we were kids, but at the same time I felt less shielded from things like this. I watched A LOT of made-for-tv-serial killer movies in the late 80’s/early 90’s and those things are still seared into my brain. Like you said, I don’t think much of this documentary will surprise you, but it’s still such a great watch–especially to finally see Lorena given an accurate and fair shake in the media. She really is an incredibly strong and amazing woman.
I haven’t watched this yet, but just yesterday I read an article about this docuseries, and it included an interview with Lorena. I live in the northern VA area and remember when this was wallpapered on news and how sensational and salacious the coverage was. Very different from how it would be covered today (or at least how I hope it would be covered).
Your comment about Howard Stern was interesting, that same quote was included in the article and I had the same thoughts as you. How is he so celebrated now when he was so vile back then? And I say this as someone who generally enjoys his satellite radio program, I find his interviews interesting, and he seems so much more enlightened now, which he’ll say is after years of therapy. I applaud that change, but I haven’t heard him apologize for past behavior and offer an acknowledgement of how hurtful it was to many.
Anyway, I’m so appreciative of the #metoo movement and how these things are seen in a different light now and how seriously it’s taken. Hopeful for my daughter not having to experience harassment at work, harassment on the street, and of course never in her own home. And hopeful that my son and his friends are getting an education on how to respectful men.
I know Howard Sten was famous for being a “shock jock” but that doesn’t erase years and years of his toxic effects on our culture and like you I think he should issue a public apology to Lorena and probably many other women. And yes I’m appreciative of the #metoo movement, I think the fact that we still have a sitting president with 23 women accusing him of sexual assault (among a litany of other things) tells me we’ve still got a long way to go. I am hopeful, but cautiously so.
Just finished watching the series. While I sympathise and support Lorena, I am struck by the societal dysfunction of the whole situation. John’s father abused his mom and left the family. They lived in poverty with their mother and were victimized by neighbors. They were sexually assaulted by an uncle. I can’t excuse his behaviour but I can understand it. 26 years later, the poor are still victimized by their neighbors and society, and the misogynistic legal and political environment still belittle and blame the women. Women were burning bras in the late 1960’s when I was in high school, now we have saggy girls, while we are still underpaid, under-hired, abused and unbelieved. Plus look what kind of people are in the white house, on the supreme court, and in the house and the Senate, still disrespecting women and refusing to unite to make the country better. SMH.