A Picture Perfect Mother’s Day

Monday, May 2, 2016

I want to thank Garnier® for inviting me to share my thoughts about what makes a picture perfect Mother’s Day. I recently wrote about (but have not yet posted–ha!) feeling beautiful as way to be present and how getting ready in the morning–make-up, hair, clothes–is a great way for me to be able to feel present. I love Garnier® Whole Blends™ that allows you to find your hair care so you can really get the treatment you need, make it beautiful and then forget all about yourself. Thanks for supporting sponsor’s on TLM. I hope you enjoy today’s Mother’s Day post.

Many moons ago, as a freshman in college I signed up for a beginning guitar class. Ever so slowly, as my practicing overshadowed my anxieties (My hands are too small! My fingers don’t work this way!) I started to actually learn to play the guitar. I didn’t have much musical training growing up, only what the public school system offered, and so to actually be able to play an instrument, let alone the guitar (which in my mind is the James Dean of instruments) was very exciting to me. When I finally got a little finger picking and about 5 or 6 three-chord-songs under my belt, I thought — I. had. arrived. You guys, I thought I was really, really good at playing the guitar. As I continued to play over the years, I got better…and better…and better still. As I got better my perspective shifted and I realized something: Oh, I’m not that good. I’m actually very average. Or as many a dude would tell me, I was “pretty good for a girl.”

I noticed a similar pattern when I worked my first big-time job after I graduated college. It took me (and my poor supervisors) about 6 months to get me up to speed on such difficult tasks like “this is what a spreadsheet looks like” and “stop typing with just your index fingers.” To be fair, it was more than half their fault as they hired a Fine Arts major with a degree in painting. I mean, c’mon guys. But once I finally got my head in the game and figured out the actual job, I thought I was aaaamaaaazing. I was killing it and how did this company ever survive without me and you’re all welcome thankyouverymuch. The first year we had a company meeting where they gave awards and such, I was seriously disappointed when I didn’t receive an award for all my hard work and my obviously aaaamaaaazing contribution to our company. Years later, while working for the same company I actually did get that award and recognition and this time I was genuinely surprised and felt completely, 100% undeserving. As I got better and better at my job, once again I had that little shift in perspective and I finally saw my role more appropriately, which was that I was one small cog in a big machine and I was no more deserving than anyone else.

I wish there was a name for this phenomenon because what is that? How and why is it that the better and better we get at something, the more we realize our proper place in the context of that world? Really I think it’s the beginning that throws us off so much. Going from “zero” knowledge/experience/ability to “a little” knowledge/experience/ability begets an inordinate boost in our confidence because wow, I can now do something I couldn’t do before! And for some reason it can be really easy to let ‘a little’ knowledge go to our head.

In a way it is amazing. For both of the examples above–learning to play the guitar and working for an internet company–these things were so foreign to me and so far out of my wheelhouse that learning how to do them at all felt huge! There was certainly a part of me that deserved to feel proud of these accomplishments but we have to be careful–a little bit of knowledge/experience/ability can be somewhat dangerous. If not dangerous, at the very least we can end up feeling arrogant and entitled.

Which brings me to Mother’s Day. I don’t actually remember any details of my first official Mother’s Day but what I do remember is that whatever my husband had done, it didn’t feel like enough. I was sure there would be a bajillion flowers, endless chocolates, and one of those ginormous cards in the Hallmark store that no one ever actually buys. Maybe a parade in my honor. Baby PSP was not the easiest baby and clearly I deserved all the accolades and all the praise for doing this most difficult of all jobs: being a mother.

I know. My poor husband, you’re all thinking right now. But chill out guys, remember this story is going to follow a pattern as stated above, and I’ve probably learned to be more humble about it so let’s just keep going. Anyway, I don’t remember exactly how I acted or what I said–I don’t remember throwing a fit or anything or stomping around demanding I want a golden goose NOW daddy! but still, I felt entitled. To what exactly, I don’t know… but I felt it.

But eventually I experienced that same magical shift. As I worked even harder, experienced my first threenager while also learning the special needs ropes and continued to grow and stretch in this roll of Mom, I saw things more clearly. I have no idea when this shift happened, I can’t even pin point the year, but one Mother’s Day I remember being woken up by my beautiful children and by my amazing husband with breakfast in bed and handmade cards, thinking, “This day is a sham! Why are we celebrating me? I am the lucky one here. They’re the ones who made me a mother. They’re the ones who bring joy, light and love to my life. They’re the ones who even when they give me absolutely nothing, give me everything.”

Every Mother’s Day since then, as my kids do their best to be ‘extra good’ (another sham really) and as my husband makes all the meals and cleans all the dishes and as they do all these things to celebrate me, I can’t help but think we’ve got it all backwards. I appreciate them showing their appreciation of me–don’t get me wrong– but in my heart I know that motherhood is not an accomplishment, it is a gift. I get to be a mother.

I get to do this. I am so lucky.

So my very best tip for a picture perfect Mother’s day is gratitude.

Gratitude.

The more gratitude in your heart, the more clearly you will see reality. Gratitude is the ultimate calibrator of life and the only way we’ll get even a little close to picture perfect.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Now for a chance to win a $100 Visa gift card, how will you spend your Mother’s Day this year?

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