Baby Zuzu turns 1

Happy Birthday baby girl.

I don’t have a favorite child–let’s just get that out on the table.–BUT I think I may have favorite children during different periods of their (and my) life.  And Zuzu, you were hands down my favorite baby.  I’m not sure if even that is OK to say, but I’m saying it.  And if someday my two other amazing and beautiful daughters read this I will put a very sincere, “It wasn’t you, it was me” on there because really I think a lot of the reason I could enjoy your babyhood so much was 1) You were my third child and 2) medication.  But also, you were just you.  Regardless of the reason, Zuzu… you have been an absolute joy and ray of sunshine in this hectic and crazy year.

And because it’s your birthday and birthdays are made for remembering and being sentimental, lets just go back to the day you were born.  Seconds after you were born, as I watched the hospital people check you over while you lay all new, pink and slick, on their hard table and under their bright lights.  I watched you with tears in my eyes as you lay there so calm and looking around with this serene sense of trust and tolerance.  It was like you immediately trusted this new world and you had no reason to suspect otherwise.  Even when they pricked your heel and I winced preparing for the inevitable newborn squeals of pain, they didn’t come…you never cried.  Which isn’t all that uncommon I guess, but seemed pretty remarkable to me.  I’m not sure where this sense of peace and trust comes from, but I know there’s a lesson in there somewhere.  Of course we still had some ups and downs, as is typical with any new baby, but really what I have always found so remarkable is how you felt like this little healing balm for my soul that I didn’t even know I needed.

It’s late and I’d love to write more profound and beautiful tribute that you no doubt deserve.  But at 11:30 nothing profound is coming out of this brain.  (Or this morning as I hurriedly edit this post).

But I love you.  We love you.  I’m excited to watch you grow and see what your little soul will bring to our family and the world.  I feel like something was missing before–I can’t quite put my finger on it–but since your birth our world has felt more abundant.  To be clear, I don’t think your life’s mission is for our abundance or to fill some void in our life.  Your life is special and purposeful for your own sake, but as you’ll come to learn we’re all connected and we all rub off on each other.  We’re just lucky to have your rub off on us.

Here are some of my favorite pictures of you from this past year.

                                                                                                    photo credit Mark Warnick

I love you so much,
Mama