Hi there my name
is Sarah and I am wife to an amazing Marcus and mother to an amazing Albie. He
was born with a combination of four undiagnosed heart conditions –
Transposition of the Great Arteries, Pulmonary Stenosis, Sub-Pulmonary Stenosis
and a doubly-committed Ventricular Septal Defect. It’s a trick to really get
your head around what that means but I’ll try my best. So put simply, Albie’s heart had two parallel and separate
circuits of blood going through it. Red, oxygenated blood going around and
around his lungs and blue, de-oxygenated blood going around and around his
body. His pulmonary valve was really tiny and the pulmonary artery was too. He
also had two holes in his heart. Some of
the plumbing issues have been resolved, and others never will be.
is Sarah and I am wife to an amazing Marcus and mother to an amazing Albie. He
was born with a combination of four undiagnosed heart conditions –
Transposition of the Great Arteries, Pulmonary Stenosis, Sub-Pulmonary Stenosis
and a doubly-committed Ventricular Septal Defect. It’s a trick to really get
your head around what that means but I’ll try my best. So put simply, Albie’s heart had two parallel and separate
circuits of blood going through it. Red, oxygenated blood going around and
around his lungs and blue, de-oxygenated blood going around and around his
body. His pulmonary valve was really tiny and the pulmonary artery was too. He
also had two holes in his heart. Some of
the plumbing issues have been resolved, and others never will be.
We all live
together in Wellington, New Zealand in a wooden house on a hill by the sea. I
love music, fair trade coffee, social justice, books, large hounds, travelling
places, camping, history, dress-ups, ethically made things, wine, hanging socks
out in pairs, cooking, sustainable fashion, tidy sheds and dancing about being
a goon.
together in Wellington, New Zealand in a wooden house on a hill by the sea. I
love music, fair trade coffee, social justice, books, large hounds, travelling
places, camping, history, dress-ups, ethically made things, wine, hanging socks
out in pairs, cooking, sustainable fashion, tidy sheds and dancing about being
a goon.
***************
Miggy: Can
you take me back to the day your son Ablie was diagnosed with his various heart defects? Do you remember how you
felt? Can you compare those first thoughts
and feelings with how you feel now?
you take me back to the day your son Ablie was diagnosed with his various heart defects? Do you remember how you
felt? Can you compare those first thoughts
and feelings with how you feel now?
Sarah: I found out Albie had special needs about five hours after his
emergency birth in Wellington. I remember the doctor’s face coming into the
recovery room. It was furrowed and committed – I knew it did not bring good
news. And I remember the broad brush phrases that came out of her mouth – “oxygen
levels were very low”, “his heart is not compatible with life”, “emergency
surgery is needed”, “ he will be flown to Starship Hospital in Auckland”. But
to be honest, that’s all I have from that day. The extent of his heart condition
swam in one ear and straight out the other. All I knew at that time, is that I
had given birth to a boy that I had not held – a boy who was about to be sent
600 miles from me. And those are the feelings that I go back to when I think of
that moment. Grief, great lashings of grief, not because his heart was shonky,
but because I was not beside him as I desperately wanted to be.
In the days and nights after Albie’s birth,
as I learnt about pulmonary valves and arteries and how gosh-darn-important
they actually are, I cried. And cried. And cried. And I can tell you unashamedly now, because
we are so far from there, that most of those tears at that time were rather selfishly
for me. I felt like I hadn’t signed up to this. I felt trapped. That if I had
known I was going to have a kid with a heart defect than I would rather not
have had one. I remember thinking that –
and I write it now very easily for you all here to read because it is so very,
very, very daft.
as I learnt about pulmonary valves and arteries and how gosh-darn-important
they actually are, I cried. And cried. And cried. And I can tell you unashamedly now, because
we are so far from there, that most of those tears at that time were rather selfishly
for me. I felt like I hadn’t signed up to this. I felt trapped. That if I had
known I was going to have a kid with a heart defect than I would rather not
have had one. I remember thinking that –
and I write it now very easily for you all here to read because it is so very,
very, very daft.
These days, I know that we are stupidly
lucky. We’ve come so very close to losing Albie on more than one occasion (Dear Albie will tell you the
full story if you are interested). And yet today, we are here in this space,
with enough emotional room in me to sit and tell you all of this. These days,
my tears are of gratitude rather than sadness. I’ve come the longest way.
lucky. We’ve come so very close to losing Albie on more than one occasion (Dear Albie will tell you the
full story if you are interested). And yet today, we are here in this space,
with enough emotional room in me to sit and tell you all of this. These days,
my tears are of gratitude rather than sadness. I’ve come the longest way.
Miggy: I
have come to learn how broad the term “special needs” really is. For some people this affects their physical
body, for others it affects their mind and for some people it’s more about
medical issues and their overall health is a lot more fragile… and for others
still it’s any combination of the above!
Talk to us a little about the difficulties that come specifically from
having a child with medical issues. What
are some of the challenges specific to this type of need?
have come to learn how broad the term “special needs” really is. For some people this affects their physical
body, for others it affects their mind and for some people it’s more about
medical issues and their overall health is a lot more fragile… and for others
still it’s any combination of the above!
Talk to us a little about the difficulties that come specifically from
having a child with medical issues. What
are some of the challenges specific to this type of need?
Sarah: Congenital heart defects really vary in
their severity. Some defects have quite
a minimal impact on life – many people know of someone with a hole in the
heart, for example, and so might think that
heart conditions aren’t such a big deal. But other defects are somewhat
more serious.
their severity. Some defects have quite
a minimal impact on life – many people know of someone with a hole in the
heart, for example, and so might think that
heart conditions aren’t such a big deal. But other defects are somewhat
more serious.
As with many kids with complicated hearts, the doctors
couldn’t repair his heart fully when he was born as he was far too small for
what they needed to do. They did some interim surgeries to help some oxygenated
blood get around his body and we went home. The wait for his full heart repair
was really difficult as Albie had low oxygen levels, was tired and weak. This
affected his weight and growth (he was always in the 0.4th
percentile) and caused significant development delay.
He got a re-plumb of his heart in August last year, and since that recovery,
life is a veritable breeze. He will outgrow the pig valve and artery that they
used in the repair. And so it is inevitable that he’ll deteriorate again and it’ll
be open heart surgery time again. The current thinking is that the current
valve and artery will last him two more years. I’m gunning for four
years…..we’ll have to wait and see….
Miggy:Explain
how Albie’s specific special needs affects your day-to-day life?
how Albie’s specific special needs affects your day-to-day life?
Sarah: For his first 18 months, Albie’s overall
health was totally compromised by the dysfunction in his heart. We’ve had
emergency chopper rides, spent a great stack of time in hospital, had four
intensive care admissions. He had a permanent nasal-gastric tube as his body
required a great deal more calories than were possible to eat, several daily
medications, he was blue from low oxygen levels and he would tire and sweat
easily. As his body was working so hard,
we had isolation precautions so that he didn’t catch any extra viruses or colds
and blow out completely. This meant no libraries, no childcare, no supermarkets – that sort of thing. I obviously couldn’t work.
health was totally compromised by the dysfunction in his heart. We’ve had
emergency chopper rides, spent a great stack of time in hospital, had four
intensive care admissions. He had a permanent nasal-gastric tube as his body
required a great deal more calories than were possible to eat, several daily
medications, he was blue from low oxygen levels and he would tire and sweat
easily. As his body was working so hard,
we had isolation precautions so that he didn’t catch any extra viruses or colds
and blow out completely. This meant no libraries, no childcare, no supermarkets – that sort of thing. I obviously couldn’t work.
Since his first full repair, life is much more stable. And I
wonder whether we qualify as a special needs family at all at the moment. It’s
the strangest thing to have such a calm after such a storm, and to know too
that inevitably the storm will come again.
Miggy: What are the biggest worries you face for Albie?
Sarah: After Albie’s last heart repair, the very next
day, he had a cardiac arrest. He was without oxygen for 35 minutes. And for the
four days afterwards as we waited for him to return to us, we stared death or
severe brain damage right in the face. I
worry that this might happen again next time.
Children with Albie’s sort of heart condition have only been surviving since
the 1970’s, so it’s also unknown how long his life expectancy might be. I found one piece of research from 2001 that
said 50% of kids like Albie get over 20 years old. I’ve been trying since to
find something more recent and more optimistic. So my biggest worries are
really heavy and really dark. So to be honest I try to banish them. Because in
the end, worry won’t change what will happen. We are having good times at the
moment and being really present in those, and being thankful for them, is what
I focus my thoughts on.
day, he had a cardiac arrest. He was without oxygen for 35 minutes. And for the
four days afterwards as we waited for him to return to us, we stared death or
severe brain damage right in the face. I
worry that this might happen again next time.
Children with Albie’s sort of heart condition have only been surviving since
the 1970’s, so it’s also unknown how long his life expectancy might be. I found one piece of research from 2001 that
said 50% of kids like Albie get over 20 years old. I’ve been trying since to
find something more recent and more optimistic. So my biggest worries are
really heavy and really dark. So to be honest I try to banish them. Because in
the end, worry won’t change what will happen. We are having good times at the
moment and being really present in those, and being thankful for them, is what
I focus my thoughts on.
Miggy: Now for a lighter
question, have you ever had any funny conversations/moments you never imagined
due to your special needs situations?
Sarah: This
isn’t so much a conversation as a tale. I was a precocious teenager – and
especially so during Science lessons with Mr Hill. I remember distinctly
challenging him that Litmus paper had no function “in the real world”. And I almost feel like the gods above heard and banked
that. Because many years later, I find out that Mr Hill was indeed right. Litmus paper, it turns out, is really the
most useful of inventions for checking if a nasal gastric tube is placed in the
stomach. It tests the ph level for
acidity and the colour changes to let you know if you’re in the right spot. Who
would have thought? Sorry about that Mr Hill. My teenage self has been well and
truly corrected.
isn’t so much a conversation as a tale. I was a precocious teenager – and
especially so during Science lessons with Mr Hill. I remember distinctly
challenging him that Litmus paper had no function “in the real world”. And I almost feel like the gods above heard and banked
that. Because many years later, I find out that Mr Hill was indeed right. Litmus paper, it turns out, is really the
most useful of inventions for checking if a nasal gastric tube is placed in the
stomach. It tests the ph level for
acidity and the colour changes to let you know if you’re in the right spot. Who
would have thought? Sorry about that Mr Hill. My teenage self has been well and
truly corrected.
Miggy: How
can people best approach or respond to your child? Is there something you wish
other people knew so as to avoid awkward or hurtful situations?
can people best approach or respond to your child? Is there something you wish
other people knew so as to avoid awkward or hurtful situations?
Sarah: With a top on Albie ‘looks normal’ so this
isn’t such a problem for us as it is for others. When he had his nasal gastric
tube in I would much prefer people to ask questions than stare. I imagine
that’ll be true too when Albie has his chest ‘zipper’ out in public as
well. I haven’t had the cajones to do
that yet.
isn’t such a problem for us as it is for others. When he had his nasal gastric
tube in I would much prefer people to ask questions than stare. I imagine
that’ll be true too when Albie has his chest ‘zipper’ out in public as
well. I haven’t had the cajones to do
that yet.
Miggy: What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned
since becoming a special needs mom?
since becoming a special needs mom?
Sarah: That the present moment is all we have. Which sounds a bit bleak but it actually makes me focus on loving harder and
loving consciously each and every day. We aren’t sure whether Albie will grow
to 8, 15 or 50. And to be honest, no-one
can be sure of the future for their children either. I’ve decided that all I can do as a parent is just
witness Albie’s life, in all its awesome glory – for however long it is.
loving consciously each and every day. We aren’t sure whether Albie will grow
to 8, 15 or 50. And to be honest, no-one
can be sure of the future for their children either. I’ve decided that all I can do as a parent is just
witness Albie’s life, in all its awesome glory – for however long it is.
Miggy: If
you could say something to the mom who just starting on this journey of special
needs–specifically congenital heart defect–what would you say? What would you say to yourself if you could
go back in time?
you could say something to the mom who just starting on this journey of special
needs–specifically congenital heart defect–what would you say? What would you say to yourself if you could
go back in time?
Sarah: I would say to myself – “You can and you
will do this. Everyone has their
struggles and today you will struggle. But you will also become happier than
you ever thought you’d be.”
will do this. Everyone has their
struggles and today you will struggle. But you will also become happier than
you ever thought you’d be.”
***************
Oh my goodness… a huge thank you to Sarah for sharing her beautiful Albie with us. I am grateful Sarah also chose to share these beautiful pictures with us, especially the one of a fragile, little Albie post-surgery–that gives us a small glimpse of what it is really like. Most of us cannot imagine our child going through so much at such a tender age… and to contrast that with the last picture of a joyous, happy Albie fills me with awe and gratitude. In doing these spotlights one thing I hope, is that you see your children in these children. Not to put fear into your hearts about the ‘what if’s’ but to realize that any of these kids could be your kids… they are our kids. And if we can look at people and children who have differences with the same tenderness we see our own children, I think that can do a lot to build more unity through love and compassion. I also want to echo Sarah’s sentiment that the present moment is really all any of us have… and because of this realization she lives and loves more fully and consciously. There are always gifts among the ashes aren’t there? Thanks again Sarah… and I fully enjoyed your delightful New Zealand slang. 🙂
You guys, if you or anyone you know would be interested in participating in a special needs spotlight email me or have them email me directly at thislittlemiggy at gmail dot com. Also, a few readers have emailed asking if I’m open to a broader range of spotlights–perhaps someone who grew up with a sibling who had special needs, or a family with an adult special needs child… I would love to hear from anyone with those valuable and unique perspectives. So please, email me!
Have a fantastic weekend!
what a gorgeous little kid. Albie's toothy pegs look adorable in those photos.
These spotlight posts really highlight the strength and stoicism of these families.
Thank you to them and you for sharing. x
That was beautiful. Albie is a doll.
Thank you- I love these posts.
Thank you for sharing these stories, Miggy!! Albie is adorable!
Thank you for sharing this Miggy…It really changes the perspective of people like me who had no idea what a special needs kids and their parents go through..I have special respect for these parents and babies now. The other day I went to shop for my 10 month old at a baby store and I saw a special needs kids and I couldn't help but notice how happy that kid was..I did exactly what I read on your blog..go and say hi to him and I this time I made sure I tell his mom how adorable he was instead of keeping it to myself..
Also Thank you for showing us how important each day of life is and I always make sure I get extra snuggles from my daughter after reading this..
Oh my gracious, I went to little Albies website and fell in love, beautiful people, beautiful country, beautiful life. Thank you for showing me the beauty that lies in the hearts of these amazing families who are chosen to love and protect God's most valiant warriors. Love, love, love these amazing stories. I have a son with Arscogs syndrome. He is twenty eight now and has a wonderful life. I might write a post about it. I will ask him first.
Albie is so strong and an inspiration to everyone.
I saw this on BBC today and immediately thought of Lamp. I am sure one day Lamp will so confident and be able to accomplish so many wonderful things just with all the support and lOve she gets from her family.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21377627