photo by Rachel Thurston
The past week has been a mix of throwing caution to the wind and living in the moment, while also taking care of some necessary business like therapy appointments and immunizations. So it goes….
And while I’m trying to soak up these last days with my oldest under my wing day-in and day-out, it’s become clear to me what I’m going to miss the most. I think it was CS Lewis who said something like this: If there are 3 people–A, B and C–and A dies, B doesn’t just lose his relationship with A, but he also loses the relationship between A and C, the special things that only A could bring out in C. So it is that I’m not just losing the time and daily interaction I have with PSP, but I’m also saying goodbye to seeing that special connection she has with her little sister a hundred times a day. Certainly no one is dying here, but it’s a big change nonetheless. It will be nice having more one and one time with Lamp, but trust me….I’m no Big Sister. Sure mom is great for diaper changes, meal time and boo-boo cuddles, but I am not who she wants to play dress up, dollies and princesses with. I am not the one who crawls in her crib, hides under the curtain with her and then jumps out singing at the top of her lungs when mom walks in the door.
I’m not the one who turns a throw-away cardboard box into a train ride across the floor.
I’m not the one who makes a crown for myself and then a matching one for her. And I’m not the one who glues the jewels back on when they fall off.
I’m not the one who sits on the mat with her at the local story time, helping her color when the stories are over and making sure she has her bear and blankie when needed.
I’m not the one who sits behind her on the merry-go-round holding on tight so she can enjoy the ride with the other big kids.
And I’m not the one who rides ponies with her.
And I’m certainly not the one who makes an entire zoo for my little sister.
Complete with a rare baby seal…
and miniature elephant.
And I’m not the one who pushes her through the zoo in the baby-doll stroller she still miraculously fits in.
Nope I’m just the one behind the camera or iphone trying to capture these memories while not missing the moment. I’m just the lucky mom who gets to claim these two as my offspring and feel my heart smile as I watch this little duo in action. Pretty much my favorite duo in the history of all duo’s. I don’t know if all moms feel this way, but I really feel like they have something special. There is a love and connection there I couldn’t possibly teach. Perhaps I feel especially grateful because it was a relationship that once seemed threatened by an unknown diagnosis with an unknown future. Whatever sisterly relationship I once idealized in my head, they have blown that ideal out of the water. I can honestly say, I wasn’t prepared for it to be this sweet. Sometimes I feel like it’s their world and we’re just living in it.
I’m totally OK with that.
Sweetest post ever!!! I love that zoo! So creative and cute. I feel the greatest gift I ever gave my children is their siblings.
Siblings are awesome. What a sweet duo! Love this post.
This makes me so happy.
So extremely beautifully said, Miggy. It brought back memories for me of my now 20-something-year-olds–memories of when they were little. My special needs son had a wonderful playmate in his older sister. Lamp is so fortunate to have PSP. What a loving sister she is. Thank you for sharing this with us, Miggy.
Love those two beauties!!! What sweet sisters. I bet the QT after kindergarten is going to be jam-packed:)
Totally got me choked up. Love it. What a sweet little duo.
What a precious post and a beautiful bond those 2 have. I have 2 little girls as well and feel the same way – they have a connection like no other. There are just things that a sister can do that noone else can…not even mom.
U have me all teared up now. I have 2 boys whom I could have written a similar post about. Although my oldest is going into third grade and my youngest is 4. So we have been through what I call "back to school withdrawal" before:( little brother certainly has withdrawal from big brother every year when school starts….and so do I. Kinder was the hardest though for me. I feel for u.
Your love for your babies magically oozes through in your descriptive writings, making us feel like we too, know and are loving those sweet little sister girlfriends.
All of this, you, and your girls are quite simply, beautiful!
Way to be, mama.
i loved how you said it's like you're living in their world. so so sweet.
childhood is magical, and there's nothing sweeter than observing your babies loving each other.
Such a beautiful relationship. How sweet.
So precious, these two. And that zoo!!!!
This brought tears to my eyes, what wonderful girls you have!
Thanks for making the last few weeks of my time with O that much harder. It's definitely a different relationship between my O + E, more like Tom and Jerry. One minute they're playing nicely, the next E is scratching and pinching the snot out of her. I will miss the former. You've got two sweet girls there. And I love that you documented all those quiet moments.
You're an amazing mom. I so admire you.
All of that was pretty adorable.
I really liked this post. Thanks for sharing it! Your girls are very sweet.
Awww. So, so, sweet. I get what you are saying…nobody is dying…but it is the end of an era…and that is always a bit hard…and wonderful in its own right.
That zoo is AWESOME…and so is PSP.
they are so blessed to have each other. . .
Simply beautiful. What an amazing big sister lamp has. Close enough in age to play together yet far apart enough that there is also a motherly protective role coming into play. How lucky they are to have one another.
Your girls have such sweet little faces. At my house I marvel at the brother-relationship that runs so very deep — over Lego ninjas and playing spy. Don't worry too much about school, their time together will be that much sweeter because they'll want to take advantage of it.