With Lamp making a speedy recovery, the second best part of the weekend was walking into J. crew to return a shirt and walking out with the only pair of mint green skinnies left that just happened to be in my size. Did I mention they were on sale? I instagramed the pic above…but not before plenty of scrutinizing….
I reported that I planned on going treat free for a while in preparation for our upcoming summer vacay. And I have. But here’s where the frustration comes in… I haven’t seen much difference. I’ve been diligent about my workouts, diligent about my diet and yet…no differences. Perhaps I should have been tracking my calories to make sure that I wasn’t still over eating…afterall more healthy calories is still more calories. Maybe I should have been a little more systematic, started with a detox or something… And here’s where my second and even bigger frustration comes into play…
I’m frustrated that I care so much.
I have a healthy, fully functional, able body. (No, the irony is not lost on me.) I am very grateful for all it can do. I’m grateful I can just work out in the first place, and I’m grateful that I actually feel stronger. Like most women I have certain parts of my body that just drive me crazy–parts that have really been that way since I was a little and will probably remain that way and yet I continue to obsess over changing these parts of me.
I’ve been reading The Little House in the Big Woods book with PSP (it’s the first book in the Little House on the Prarie series). There was a part in the book about a big dance, and the women getting ready in their beautiful dresses and strapping on their corsets. They were talking about their waists and one of them mentioned Laura’s mother’s waist being so small that when she was first married her husband could best his hands all the way around her waist…and Laura felt proud because that was her mom.
I wanted to chuck that book across the room…Has a woman’s body ever not been subject to analysis and impossible expectations? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do I do this to myself? I hate that even in the most innocent and beloved children’s book the scrutinizing of a woman’s body is included. I can look at the picture above and recognize that I’m not overweight, not even slightly. But I also see a body that takes so much more effort than it used to just to maintain my size. A body that started changing without my permission.
Over the weekend I was so frustrated with my lack of results I fell off the bandwagon–I had some ice cream and cookie dough. I’m now rededicating myself to my original goal not because I think those “trouble spots” are going to magically melt away, but because it was a goal and a good, healthy goal at that. Regardless of size, I definitely eat too much sugar.
But I’m also recommitting myself to gratitude for my healthy, able body regardless of size and shape. And for mint green skinnies that fell from the heavens into my blessed arms.
First of all, you look amazing.
Second, yes, yes, yes! I've accomplished a lot in my life, but the one thing I can't seem to handle is my weight. I've been doing a nationally known diet plan for 2 years, and I weigh 15 pounds more than when I started. The program isn't the problem–I just haven't followed it.
I hate the way I think about it all the time. After a work event, people were going out roller skating for some fun. I didn't go. I love to roller skate. I didn't go because I didn't want to try to find some clothes that hid this or that.
Bad to worse-my husband stepped on the scale and weighs less than me. He's lighter than he has been in years! Without trying. He's 6'2." I'm really tall too, and I wear a 14 or 16 so I don't look huge, but come on!!!!
I hate that I feel so trapped and worthless by my weight.
Laura (from Nebraska and Costco)
I hear you Miggy and ^^^Laura. I really do. Weight is…a mystery. It's ridiculous. Seriously.
Sigh. I don't know what the answer is, but Miggy, I think you're on to something.
Hooray for gratitude and mint green skinny jeans! 🙂 You look fantastic!
Let's focus on our health and just start "assuming" we look AWESOME! 🙂
Meditation is the key to me feeling at peace in my own skin.
Connecting with the part of me that doesn't change helps me to stop identifying myself with my body parts, gives me distance and perspective, and helps me to feel grateful to be me.
Even just a few minutes a day makes ALL the difference for me.
LOVE the skinnies… and I think you look amazing! But I can totally relate to the frustrations of a body that isn't exactly how you want it. Even now, when my body is doing one of it's more remarkable feats — growing a baby — I can not let my mind accept that I don't carry a pregnancy like a supermodel. I've learned, though, that the battle with my body is really a battle with my mind. A healthy self discipline is necessary in all areas of my life… and especially when it comes to eating and exercising. I don't think it will ever be a battle that I win easily, but as long as I keep coming back for the fight I will consider myself successful. (And as long as I allow myself a treat now and then, I can consider myself happy, too!)
Read "Women, Food, and God," by Geneen Roth. I tell most of my female clients to read that, because we ALL deal with body image issues. I hear you though, c'mon children's books–seriously. I would want to throw the book across the room, too.
Love those skinnies and you do look amazing. I think every single one of us deal with body image issues. It's a good goal to want to be as healthy as we can to feel our best and it's a constant struggle to find acceptance with ourselves
I thought this was for sure your "after" picture. You look awesome. No advice except for you to know that you have a smoking hot body. My husband loves curves, so he hates it that I've lost some of those since I've lost weight this year.
I think a good take away for women is that everyone, including women like you who look AMAZING, struggle with body image issues.
Mostly I refuse to think about my body. It looks good enough, so whatever. However, I am also lazy, lazy, lazy. I do pretty good on the eating side, but not the exercise side. My husband is losing weight and I told him a while ago that if he lost x amount of weight, I'd start getting on the ball about toning my body. Wouldn't you know he's almost there and I'm not looking forward to actually having to do it! 🙂
Heaven forbid that lazy Tamra would need to actually DO something. 🙂
Don't give up on Little House!
Laura is so relatable because of her self-image issues, i.e. her brown hair and her non-willowy body.
As she matures she becomes come to appreciate her strong body and mind.
You and PSP are in for a fantastic journey.
I recently started running because I wanted to run. I then realized that it was probably time to watch what I eat to (I'm hitting a milestone birthday, so it's time). I'm just counting calories and have started to see a difference already. I still eat my junk food, but in more moderation. I don't sit down with a whole bag of chips and eat til I'm stuffed, but rather count out a serving.
You look great to me, but if you want to have more results, try watching your calorie in-take. You can still eat but it helps you control a little more.
Hi Miggy –
This is such an awesome post in that I think we can ALL relate to it. I feel much like you do – not obese or even over-weight at all, but I just can't shed those extra few pounds that get me to a point of 'feeling' good. However, over time I've made peace with it knowing what my body has gone through (having 2 kids) and what it's still able to do. As long as I can still run, jump, skip and play with my girls – I am happy..{even with some love handles and flabby thighs}.
Continue to do what you do, eat right and excersise when you can – you look amazing and I'm totally jeal of those mint skinnies.
Dawn 😉
I feel like I am reading my own mind…lol. I am 35 and run about 4 times a week. Never crazy amounts of working out or dieting, but I noticed that I started to put on weight after about 33 for no reason…same amount of eating, working out…but suddenly the 5 pounds came on…Dr said that women WILL continue to gain weight after 30 unless increase in working out or diet takes place…she said welcome to getting older. I didnt like her response, but I have had to watch what I eat a lot more than I did 10 years ago! GRRR
Yes in the last couple of years since entering my 30's it is much harder to continue eating whatever I want. I started to make some changes, I go to the gym 3 times a week and have cut back on snacks etc. I have lost 7 pounds in a few weeks and plan to lose another 7 to reach my goal. I feel more in control. But I allow myself to go off the bandwagon, we were just on vaction and I didn't eat salad! I ate a bowl of icecream and fudge sauce earlier! But still, I know I am in control now and that I can play safe over the next week to compensate. I don't let if effect my body image though, I know it up to me to make the changes if I want it so bad. good luck, and you look great by the way!
You look awesome girl! I have been falling off the bandwagon myself with all these frozen cookies and cookie dough in my fridge. Dang it.
I have been over weight for a bit now. I have been working to change it. But now as I am getting older my face is changing. My skin is getting older. I am traumatized. And it makes me think we…I….spend WAY to much time worrying about looks and it is a problem. We…I…. should be foar more concerned with what is on the inside. I don't know why we do this to ourselves. I can maybe controll my weight but what will happen when I can't control my aging.
You are a beautiful woman! I tend to meaure myself by how my clothes fit. Today I slipped on a pair of size 6 khakis from J.Crew and they fit perfect so I know i'm doing good.
You look great in the skinny jeans.
I could have written this post. I hate that I care so much about what my body looks like. Like you, I am not fat by any stretch, but I have noticed shifts and changes with turning 35, and I really HATE that this is what I think about! How can I be so shallow? I have a working, strong body and yet this is what I think about?!! Not to mention, like you, I have a young daughter who I hope more than anything learns to love her body. Not sure I am the best example for her…
Sometime after Soren I came to the realization that my body and weight landed at a certain range and that's where it was going to stay. It wasn't horrible, but it's no pre first baby weight. I think I just gave up with him, but with Harrison I felt more determined. My friend who is a gym instructor says that weight loss is 90% dieting. I'm like pssshh! I feel like a good hard run five days a week doesn't hurt either. If this helps for you, my latest weight loss is due to being gluten free. Meaning, no refined sugar except one day a week. One day and one meal a week I eat whatever the heck I want and then the rest of the week I look forward to it and won't let myself slip. BTW you look great. Those minties look fabulous on you.
I think you may not be eating enough to maintain all your exercise. Your body goes into starvation mode and you can't lose an ounce. (It happened to me.) Eat small portions of high protein foods. Add healthy snacks in between meal times and see if that helps. You look amazing though. Remember if you are working out you are building muscle so the fat may be going and the muscle replacing it thus the scale doesn't move too much.
I would kill to look like that in jeans!!! So go easy on yourself.
I always think that the hard work doesn't pay off until I look at old photos of me and think how crazy I am. I've gained a few lbs. and recently looked at pictures of me from last summer and boy was I skinny! I didn't think it at the time.
I'm still a huge proponent of the 80/20 rule. It's a sustainable lifestyle, and I can't deal with counting calories. 80% of what I eat is healthy (proportion-wise, and nutrition-wise) and 20% I can do whatever I want with. I've been adding a lot of walking to my schedule and that makes me feel better. I think obsessing over calories and things of that nature makes me obsess over what I look like, and I just can't be asked to do that anymore.
Um honestly this post is a little ridiculous. I love all your posts but not this one. ANYone who can fit into mint colored skinny jeans and looks great should not be feeling bad about her body or thinking she needs to lose weight! Sooo much of our negativity about our bodies are not because of how we actually are but our attitude about it. Do you want lamp scrutinizing every inch of her body and feeling bad about it? No! The first step to helping our daughters is by showing a positive attitude about our own bodies. Seriously though, you do not need to change one bit. You look fabulous!
Sorry this is coming from someone who has relatives battling anorexia and I'm currently pregnant and have gained 30 pounds. I would love to be my prepegnancy weight — even though I Complained about it I appreciate that healthy fit body so much more now!