The Cleanse

Day 3 of this cleanse started out as rough as day 2, when I was already thinking of abandoning ship.  But with my resolution pounding in my head strong, strong, strong I kept forging ahead out of sheer stubbornness.  In case you’re wondering if stubbornness can ever be used for good, this is your example (that sentence was meant primarily for my husband).  And so it is on the eve of day 3 (forgive me, I think it’s the Downton Abbey talking) I’m reflecting on what I feel this cleanse is teaching me thus far.

Ahem….

I’ve come to realize that I rely on food for pleasure and satisfaction, for that Calgon take me away feeling, each and every day.  And while I’ve refrained from sugar before, I would still turn to other foods (popcorn, breads) for my little moments of food-ecstasy.  Even in my early mothering days with PSP as I struggled to figure out this mothering gig and the fussy, fickle baby that was making it all so hard I would pop Dove chocolates like the edible sanctuary they were and think, this chocolate is the only fun/enjoyable/pleasurable thing I get to look forward to all day.  Almost 5 years later and I still use food as my mid-day retreat, my evening pat-on-the-back for a job well done.  I’ve always liked food, but it seems I’ve made it so intricately tied with the stresses of motherhood and every day life, that instead of a once-in-a-while indulgence it’s become a daily necessity.  At the same time I don’t think it’s an entirely bad thing.  It’s OK to love food and to want to eat good food.  Even treats.  I’m not damning the whole practice.    

But…

There comes a point where I need to be more aware of what I am eating and why.  Because sometimes a bowl of ice cream just isn’t enough…so I have another.  And occasionally another.  And I realize I’m scratching the wrong itch.  Sometimes the small bit of joy found in a scoop of ice cream isn’t what I really need.  Sometimes it is, but sometimes it’s not.

Sometimes I need to do something creative, or be more present with my children, or have a good conversation with my husband, or call a good friend, or read a talk/the scriptures/something inspiring or just be by myself and think some good thoughts.  

I wasn’t really expecting this from the cleanse, but I like it.  A little more awareness never hurt anyone.