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- AnonymousFebruary 18, 2014 - 4:24 am
i would suggest if that much work needs to be done you consider just building a new home that fits all your specifications. even if the power chair can get into the house, there are other considerations like bathroom, doorways being wide enough to fit through, being able to reach everything in the kitchen. a lot of people i know with a kid in a powerchair/wheelchair build the house from scratch. there are builders/architects that advertise accessibility as a specific thing they will plan for.ReplyCancel
- AnonymousFebruary 18, 2014 - 4:28 am
I know what you mean about the power chair being heavy. Once, an empty power chair was parked in front of my kid's drawer at Respite Care. I could not get the power chair to budge a single millimeter. I had no idea they were that heavy. I just gave up on getting into my kid's drawer that day. Didn't want to bug the busy staff.
Mel in Fort Collins (are you coming here?)ReplyCancel - AnonymousFebruary 18, 2014 - 7:35 am
I never would have bought my house had I been mindful of accessibility issues (stairs into every entrance). But we have considered retrofitting a ramp. We're a bit away from that, but it seems doable.
That being said, I hope you find a house that is comfortable for all five of you! And, I selfishly hope it's on the west coast! 🙂ReplyCancel
- AnonymousFebruary 18, 2014 - 6:22 pm
stairs are hard to navigate! and even with prostheses, there can be skin issues or bone overgrowth or all kinds of things that keep a person out of legs. and I do think he will want a chair when he's bigger. I fantasize about a rambling single level.
and I look forward to reading more about your home choosing process!ReplyCancel
- jjplantFebruary 18, 2014 - 3:53 pm
Oh man!! I'm dying to know where you are going!! Provo would be a blast…. Good luck on your house search. We bought our house and now have already outgrown it! So we may be looking to move in a year or so. I was so surprised how hard it has been for me to figure out different reno projects on our house. Being an artsy person who has dreamt of it her whole life, I thought it would be a snap. It's still so fun, though. I bet you and B are pretty good at agreeing on house stuff. I had to give up some things I love for Josh who doesn't love mid century modern or plain white walls:/. But I have gotten my way on so many things. I bet you will have a fun time with whatever you buy.ReplyCancel
- MigonFebruary 18, 2014 - 4:52 pm
- AndreaFebruary 18, 2014 - 6:18 pm
I don't know if I could handle a full reno at this stage (with small kids). We just got through a mini remodel because of water damage, and of course it took twice as long as we thought it would, and was twice as hard! We lost two of our three bathrooms for three months, and that was enough. I can't imagine not having a kitchen for months on end.
By the time we need to remodel our kitchen, I might just throw my hands up and call IKEA for everything (appliances, cabinets, countertops… ) rather than deal with a contractor.
Good luck with the move, and yes, I'm very curious to know where you and family are off to 🙂 ReplyCancel
- AnonymousFebruary 18, 2014 - 7:12 pm
My parents live in an old home that they have tried to modify to suit my mom who has advanced MS. The pros are that she gets to be at home and feels happy there. The cons are many. The house is an old 1930's Tudor style home, with stairs all over. There are two separate stair glides to get upstairs (because of a landing) and the transfer from one to the other has become difficult. The doorways are quite narrow for a power chair. I do dream of her in an accessible house that will make her difficult life slightly less difficult. But she says she is happy where she is for now.
And, if you are moving to someplace that has winter, keep that in mind. Snow and ramps and ice and salt combined with power chairs can be tricky! Move somewhere without snow!ReplyCancel - LizFebruary 18, 2014 - 7:25 pm
I'm a single woman who bought my first home at 28, and was it ever a fixer-upper. Of course all the work needed was "cosmetic" (ha ha haaaaaa), so the price didn't come down as much as it should have. It's a 1926 710-sq-ft bungalow. I've done the lion's share of the work myself–hired out refinishing the wood floors and my parents gave me an electrician for Christmas the first year to update the outlets so they were grounded. My parents have visited several times and are always a huge help. I have stripped ungodly amounts of wallpaper off plaster, skim coated and patched miles of plaster, drywalled, taped and mudded a teensy bathroom (with a friend I paid to help), painted, stripped and scraped paint using the silent paint remover, sanded plaster and wood to death, and learned how to install things with screws (and drilled guide holes). It doesn't sound like lots of skills, but it was all stuff I didn't know how to do before. Oh, and completely rehabbed one of the original windows, with plans to do more. My dad has rewired at least one socket, and installed a few light fixtures. Oh yes, and also, paid to have the washer hookup moved to the basement, and have a laundry tub installed. The dryer vent was already there, and I put together the exhaust hose and installed that myself. I recently investigated and mostly resolved the dryer making a horrible screechy noise using $35 in parts. Not gonna lie, it's taken insane amounts of time and effort. It would be at least 200% easier with a partner (my ex boyfriend found and fixed a leaking water hookup in the yard when it was draining into the basement–would definitely have had to call a plumber on that one if he hadn't been around!), and 200% harder without a good friend with All the Tools nearby, and parents willing to fly in and help yearly. ReplyCancel
- AnonymousFebruary 18, 2014 - 8:05 pm
So we're building. Never done the remodel thing. But as for the chair, we decided to make the whole house power chair accessible. A few items we changed, that I think would work for you, too, in a remodel: Wider hallways (4 feet or more), lower kid bathroom light switches (our thought is D won't want to get in his chair in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom – he'll probably crawl or scoot – so want to make it accessible), microwave and other kid-kitchen things in the kitchen island down low (so he can get his own snacks and microwave food if he wants), ramp in the garage into the house, and all front-button appliances (ie, washer and dryer with buttons in the front so he can do his own laundry eventually, oven with buttons in the front, etc). Hope that helps some :). KristinReplyCancel
- AnonymousFebruary 18, 2014 - 10:15 pm
We're in San Antonio. I've been here for 20 years, so I know the town very well. DH's late wife was in a wheelchair for her last couple years and they built temporary ramps throughout the house. We are in a large ranch–over near Castle Hills–but there's a lot of the single steps up and down into various rooms. It's an older home with really good bones. In the case that you are staying in San Antonio, I would look carefully at Castle Hills. The location is fantastic. The lots are huge and the homes are older. I've been in a few homes that are nice, stately ranch houses that wouldn't need wheelchair friendly renovations. We do private school, but the Castle Hills schools (part of Northeast ISD) are good. If you do stay in SA and have some questions, I'm happy to answer them.
Laura (from Costco and I suppose the park where I bumped into your husband and girls) That's what they say about SA–the biggest small town in the world.
ReplyCancel - LisaFebruary 19, 2014 - 4:47 am
If you do buy a fixer upper, so much so that you can't live in it, you could consider house sitting so you don't have to pay rent plus mortgage. A couple with two kids, whose home was being renovated, house sat for me for 3 months while We were away. They've moved to two more house sits totaling nearly a year! There are many websites for finding house sitting gigs. ReplyCancel
- Alicia QuinteroFebruary 19, 2014 - 1:38 pm
My son has special needs, he does not have a power chair, but uses a manual wheelchair and a walker. At home he mostly scoots on the floor and finding a house to fit our needs in our budget was a struggle. We live in Cincinnati, and needed a ranch style with a semi flat yard. It seemed everything we looked at was little tiny, two story on really sloped property. We had just about given up, but finally, finally found the perfect house. Ranch, open floor plan, flat yard, only one stair going into the house. The main bath even has a standing shower, which we hadn't thought about, but is perfect for his shower chair. Don't give up, you will find something that will fit your needs. Good luck and happy house hunting. 😉ReplyCancel
- TheresaFebruary 21, 2014 - 3:52 pm
Hi Miggy, I'm reaching out because I am a rehabilitation counselor, which means that I help people with disabilities live independent lives. I help people find jobs, but I also go into their homes and make recommendations for modifications. If you have any specific questions or concerns, reply to this and I can send you an email. I know that Lamp scoots around without the chair, so some of her needs can be accommodated in creative ways. For example, you wouldn't need to have room in the bathroom for her chair to slide under the sink, but it would be nice to have room for a stool in the bathroom so that she can get out of her chair and climb up on a stool to brush her teeth, for example. So, many things can be worked around with a little creativity, but here are some things to look for, as they make it easier for modifications:
36" doorways and hallways
Room in the bathroom for her to park her chair.
A bathroom with a walk-in or roll-in shower
If the house has stairs, room for an automated option, meaning the stairs need to be 36" wide.
In general, bigger rooms are better.
Reach out if you have any questions. Good luck on the house hunt!ReplyCancel - bechtold clanFebruary 21, 2014 - 10:13 pm
couple of things…sister in law built their home around a wheelchair family member that was going to be living with them…every detail was included and was awesome ( every flooring surface was even, showers wheelchair accessible, kitchen designed etc. My neighbor has son with severe CP- however they are in a split level home with an office on main floor and bathroom and they installed a ramp for front door access, and just modify the home for their needs the best they can. it works – not ideal. as for renovating…well that I can speak to personally. we bought a real fixerupper/foreclosed/eyesore( every room, and yard needed help…spent 2.5 years turning it into our dream home. so much money, time, fights, challenges, for us not worth it. it wasn't our full time gig- but turned every night, weekend into project time that we missed family time, and the design decisions, and budget and CHAOS of living in construction with 3 children for me…even after it was all over, I would never do again. I would rather buy newer with less work, build and live offsite, or spend the extra upfront to get what I wanted. no amount of sweat equity was worth what we went through.ReplyCancel
- Leslie MyersFebruary 25, 2014 - 12:31 pm
Good luck on your house hunting journey, Miggy! It might be a tough job, but it’ll all be worth it when you have your dream home. It’s easier to look for houses that are sold online, and you can find lots of renovation tips there, too. I’ll be looking forward to seeing the progress of your house hunting. Keep us updated! 🙂
- Casandra RobertsMarch 13, 2014 - 6:14 pm
Constructing a new house is, indeed, the best way to have the house that fits your requirements and needs. However, it’s also advisable to look for a spacious house wherein you can incorporate your desires. Through renovations, you’ll be able to dictate the mood in your house and add your own style. I hope you’ll be able to find the new house that suits your needs. Don’t rush in finding a new one. Take your time and consider all the possible options. Good luck! 🙂
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- CaramellsweetsFebruary 10, 2014 - 3:20 pm
I love that you've been so open and honest about what you've dealt with and what you are going through now. I'm currently 39 weeks pregnant. A little over a year ago, I went on medication to deal with anxiety. While I was only on it for about 4 months, it was life changing, in a good way. Just as you've stated, it allowed me to be myself. I didn't feel altered or different. I was just myself, without the terrible repetitive thoughts and fears and physical sensations of stress. I know that I could have a baby any day now and it's been on my mind on and off that I am more likely to deal with this issue again than someone who hasn't dealt with depression or anxiety. I had a really hard time the first time going on the medication, as I just couldn't fathom how a pill could change my outlook and because I didn't want to have to rely on something other than myself to fix my situation. I was also afraid to tell anyone because I was afraid to be seen as a failure. I am so glad I went ahead with taking it anyway. It allowed me to see above the fog and handle my situations without the crippling thoughts, fears and sadness I had before. There is no failure in allowing yourself help, in whatever form. I'm glad I've had the experience and that I'll be more aware of what to look for once the baby is here. However, I've still asked those around me to help me watch for the signs as well, in case I miss them. If I need to go back on the medication, then I will. This time around if I need it, it's not just for me. I'm looking out for the best interests of this baby and my family. My mental health is important and needs to be given priority for me to be the best mom I can be.ReplyCancel
- mjFebruary 10, 2014 - 3:25 pm
I had pretty much the same experience as you. The thing is the medication is so subtle. For me I also just feel normal, so it's hard to tell it's really working because you just feel like you. I did not know for sure my antidepressant was working until I stopped taking it. I am kind of excited to take it from the beginning with baby #3. I did not start taking it until baby #2 was four months old and never took it with baby #1. I would love to actually enjoy the newborn period instead of just endure it.ReplyCancel
- HeidiAnnFebruary 10, 2014 - 7:30 pm
When I got on medication with my 5th baby (was I the friend you were talking about??), my doctor required that I see a therapist so she could recommend medication or not, whatever… Anyway, I went and we spoke and one of the most helpful things she said was while it's true that we can experience depression because of situation or biology, there is no way for any of us to know which weighs heavier in the balance for us. They're so interrelated in us anyway. I feel like having a baby sends my mind and body both into shock. I'm just not *right.* I have good moments, but I feel just off and pretty down for a substantial period of time. Like you, I felt the medication helped me to see things as they really are, it didn't immunize me from annoyance or frustration or fatigue. I was able to see myself as I would see my friend if she were experiencing the same thing. If my friend had said something like, "If I were a better mother, my baby would….," my usual self would tell her, "Nonsense, babies are just like that, has nothing to do with you." Medication made it so I could extend that courtesy to myself, too. It's good to want to improve and to recognize when things are wrong, but before the meds, I felt like *everything* needed to improve and *everything* was wrong, and it was just emotionally overwhelming and exhausting.
ReplyCancel- MigonFebruary 11, 2014 - 12:17 am
- AndreaFebruary 10, 2014 - 10:17 pm
I am so happy you are so open and forthright about PPD.
I had it with my oldest, but not my youngest. My doctor gave me medication when I had it 8 years ago (he knew, within minutes of hearing me talk, that I was grappling with PPD) then my husband drove me straight to the pharmacy to fill the prescription. But when I got home I just couldn't take the pill; I threw the whole bottle out. I was so afraid that medication would numb me, or make my feelings less real.
I think a lot of people are scared of this, and I wish I had more resources available to me back then to help me see that it's just not true. I was fully prepared to take medication when my daughter was born four years ago, but I ended up not needing it. It never occurred to me to take the medicine proactively, but if it had I might have.
The stigma surrounded PPD and medication is really unfortunate, because imagine all the heartache and stress it would alleviate! This is such a great conversation to be having, Miggy. xoReplyCancel
- LivFebruary 11, 2014 - 12:00 am
I was on a half-dose of my anti-depressants during my first pregnancy, and in postpartum I was so miserable and overwhelmed and had similar thoughts that the hard things would NEVER end. NEVER! I didn't realize at the time that didn't have to be my normal life. My psychiatrist was worthless and never caught on, even during our regular meetings to check my meds. Then she left her practice suddenly and I went off my meds. I came to realize my experience was not necessary, that I could have tried another mediation or dose and actually enjoyed my daughter's infancy.
I'm now nearly six months pregnant with my second (four years later) and I'm very nervous about postpartum. But I'm meeting with my OB this week and I'm hoping to talk strategy with him! I'm not going to let my tendency toward depression completely wreck me this time around. I'm more aware of what can happen to me this time, and I'm more open than before. I don't let the judgmental comments of others (like that I'm ungrateful to be able to have children) bother me anymore. This is my trial, and I am entitled to feel it!
Thank you for sharing your "game plan" and for being so encouraging. It has motivated me to take action and be proactive.ReplyCancel
- The Colbys... written by ErinFebruary 11, 2014 - 3:47 am
- LucyFebruary 11, 2014 - 4:02 am
I have been so interested in all of your PPD posts and encouraged in my experience as I struggle with PPD. I didn't take it with my first, but wish I had, and my midwife convinced me to take it with my second and it has made an enormous difference in my life and in the entire tone in our home. One of the craziest symptoms of my PPD/anxiety was anger. I would get crazy angry over the smallest things and was scaring (and probably scarring) my children. Since getting on medication and finding the right one for me (I tried one that didn't work and then tried another that worked, but the dosage had to be increased a few times) I no longer feel like I'm about to explode all of the time. It has seriously changed my life and my sweet girls' lives. We are considering having another child soon and I'm feeling so torn about what to do about the medication (since I am still taking it). I don't know if I should take it while pregnant, but am scared to go off of it. So, yeah, I'm definitely pro-medication, though a few years ago I would never even consider taking meds. Thanks for talking about this– so important! ReplyCancel
- mjFebruary 11, 2014 - 9:36 pm
Lucy, Definitely talk to your OB about this. It might depend on the type of antidepressant you are taking, but my OB has okayed me continuing to take mine (zoloft) while trying and pregnant. I'm planning to go off in the last trimester since that is when its most likely to cause the baby to have withdrawals at birth (nothing extreme — just extra fussiness, which no thanks).ReplyCancel
- JillbertFebruary 11, 2014 - 11:07 pm
You are very brave to write about PPD and share your experience — I certainly could have used this info 10 -15 years ago (when I was having babies….). I was highly anxious with each of my kids — I wish I knew that anxiety (at least to the extent I had it) was not normal and was a sign of PPD. I thought PPD meant depression and I was not depressed but super crazy anxious. I, too, was afraid of medication — thought I was supposed to "tough" out the hard parts — not realizing that my mental state was what was making them so tough. I also think I had PTSD after my last child's birth due to a devastating second trimester loss the previous year. I wish I had known to ask for help or been able to recognize that I needed it. Raising awareness is so important and so is reaching out a helping hand to the new moms around — offering support, care, love and not judgement. A warm meal and a smile can change someones day.ReplyCancel
- TheresaFebruary 12, 2014 - 4:56 pm
Thank you so much for posting about this topic.
I had experienced depression/PTSD after a traumatic even in early adulthood, and needed to take medication for depression for approximately 2 years. When I became pregnant over five years later, I knew that I was at risk for PPD. After I had my daughter, I tried to manage on my own, but at my six week postpartum appointment, I asked for help. I was worried about medication getting into my breast milk and feared exposing my daughter to the medication. However, in my case, I felt like she would have more negative effects from a mother who was unable to smile, a mother who wept constantly, a mother who was barely able to meet her needs. I am so glad that I decided to take medication. As you mention, my medication allowed me to not suffer. I was still tired and days were still hard, but I no longer felt as though I were dying. Taking medication allowed me to experience the joy of a baby. It allowed me to connect with and fall in love with my daughter. I needed to take medication for approximately 8 months after my daughter was born, and then weaned from it successfully. I have no regrets. ReplyCancel
I have a couple posts halfway written, but alas the time of a mother with a newborn is fragmented to say the least. I’m sure no one in the history of the world can relate. In the meantime I’m dying over these newborn photos we took a few days ago. Some of our very best...
- Neal and Shannon JenksFebruary 5, 2014 - 7:39 pm
- Preemie momFebruary 6, 2014 - 5:15 pm
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Having never written the birth stories of my children I decided to finally record these stories on the blog. I wrote the birth story of our newest baby girl last week. This is the birth story of my oldest daughter–otherwise known as PSP. Late February 2007. I was 4 days over my due date...
- AnonymousJanuary 30, 2014 - 2:55 am
Birth is so painful and so scary. I am in TOTAL awe of the Mormon women who had babies while crossing the plains. Seriously?! I am also in awe of every woman whose birth stories I read. Birth is frequent and common but I think it is heroic every time. I really loved the last line of this post. Thank you for sharing that idea.ReplyCancel
- ChelsyFebruary 1, 2014 - 11:33 pm
So beautiful. I had to laugh at the part of perhaps being traumatized because I know exactly how you feel. I did a birth wth no epidural with my third baby, an experience I wanted since my first pregnancy, and I thought it would be all Zen and spiritual and beautiful, and in some ways it was. But the pain, oh my. I remember the distinct thought during one contraction that I would be traumatized by this, haunted, I thought I would have nightmares about it. Seems funny now. Thanks for sharing your birth stories.ReplyCancel
from our impromptu photo shoot today. gorgeous girl. I’ve given birth three times and have had 3 very different experiences, in 3 different states no less. PSP was a natural birth in a hospital based birthing center in midtown Manhattan. Lamp was a scheduled c-section in Cincinnati and our current baby was a V-BAC...
- WendyJanuary 22, 2014 - 1:52 am
Congrats! Why is it that right when you are about to give birth your husband is so exhausted or hungry? It reminds me of a funny blog post that I recently read. http://www.mommyshorts.com/2013/05/28-examples-of-crap-my-husband-pulled-while-i-was-in-labor.html I think my husband pulled probably three of the things on that list.ReplyCancel
- Astrin YmrisJanuary 23, 2014 - 8:06 pm
- The Colbys... written by ErinFebruary 5, 2014 - 3:31 am
Get out of here, my husband said as he sent me out the door yesterday afternoon. I know, I know… I’m going. I said, fully aware that while I won’t have this luxury for long, I have it now. So I left. And I drove. I called a friend and talked about babies and then...
- Faux FuchsiaJanuary 16, 2014 - 8:14 am
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Here's a poop story for you. It was my older daughter's 3rd birthday, we had rented out Gymboree for her party. My husband was walking around with my two and a half week old baby when I suddenly noticed baby poop on his shirt. Ok, no biggie…um, ya…we found dribbles of poop ALL over the gym and they had been all fussy about the kids washing their hands before coming in etc. and now the entire place had baby poop all over. Haha!
My daughter is 2 years old and I remember before my delivery and going to the hospital telling my husband that how I couldn't imagine changing dirty diapers..n now after 2 years of changing hundreds of diapers and cleaning many number of vomits in every possible place you can imagine, I realized I never complained a single time and even cheered sometimes when she goes after bad constipation …oh motherhood.
"the pureness of their emotions, of their overall being really. There is no smiling just to be polite, they only smile if they really want to. There is not a shred of self-consciousness if they scream at an inappropriate time in an inappropriate place. "
I love your writing..
This is the poop story of all time! We live in Saudi Arabia which equals a very long time on airplanes. My friends were flying back to the states with their two children. It was a ten hour flight from London to Dallas. They had already flown from Saudi to London, that's a seven hour flight. Needless to say they were exhausted. My friends husband had their three year old sitting with him, my friend was sitting in the back of the plane with their newborn. She had told her husband not to fall asleep because their three year old has autism and needs constant watching. Ummmmm yea, her husband fell asleep and was woken up to the guy next to him frantically tapping his arm. His son was digging in his diaper and wiping poo all over the tray table, iPad, himself, the guy next to him, the seat and his dad! Yikes! He snatched him up and made his way to the bathroom, talk about the Red Sea parting! Before he could get in the bathroom his son reached around and grabbed another handful. Have you ever tried to change a diaper on a plane? He was in the bathroom for an hour. He was afraid to tell his wife so she knew nothing the entire time. Best story ever!
Our first family road trip, with our son who was 3 months old. We drove up the California coast on our way to Sonoma, and everything was so beautiful and perfect. As we approached the Golden Gate Bridge, I caught a whiff of a dirty diaper, and climbed in the back seat to check. I lifted a corner of my son's diaper, and poop truly and honestly started shooting out of it, all over me, and the car, and everything. I was shouting and my husband was swerving all over the bridge, and it was a scene. It's still one of my favorite memories 🙂
ps: Baby Girl is a beauty. She is looking like a pretty even mix of both your girls, which is awesome.
During my older daughter's baby blessing, my husband felt a little rumble on his hand ehile he was praying. No big deal he thinks. Afterward he passes the baby to my mother. As he removes his hand, the dam busts loose and everything gushes out onto my mother, while we are sitting on the front row of the chapel. Mom's jacket and baby's silk blessing dress are both ruined.
When I was 18 years old, I worked for a year as a nanny. One day the two year old boy, Jerry, was sick with the flu. When he started to perk up at one point, I decided it was my chance to run a quick errand to the bank. As I stood in line holding Jerry and awaiting my turn at the counter, he suddenly looked directly into my eyes, and then vomited all over me. I had puke in my hair, all over my shirt, and dripping off the both of us onto the floor. Completely aghast, I asked a bank employee if I could use their bathroom to clean up,only to have my request refused! They said it was a 'security risk' to allow me behind the counter, and that I had to go somewhere else. I told the lady that unless she wanted me to start slinging puke off of my chest and on to the floor, she had better let me in to their bathroom. She finally agreed, but acted like I was there to rob the bank or something. Definitely one of my most memorable encounters with a puking child, and it wasn't even one of my own!
Gotta love a good poo or vomit! My son had severe reflux and aspiration problems so we had to thicken all of his formula to pudding texture. Thanks to the thickner he had 5 or 6 full poopy blowouts everyday! There was NOTHING you could do to keep that poo in there. It came out of all availble diaper holes! There so many days I got pooed on but it was not a big deal so we just continued on our merry way! I also remember a day my son had vomited right down my shirt…..3 times, and I was so tired I just went to bed anyway. Oh the beauty of motherhood! lol Your girls are all so beautiful!