I teach human sexuality at a major public university and it has been so good to help keep up my motivation to be really open with my girls. The principles that make the most sense to me as a parent (and sex educator) are 1) think of it as talkS (plural) not "a/the" talk (singular). You should make sure it's clear to your child it doesn't have to be a special event to talk about sex. If you're uncomfortable sharing everything in this first talk, consider the first one your intro. You could start by assessing what your child knows or wants to know. You could ask things like, "What do you think about where babies come from?" "Have kids at school ever talked about their different body parts?" You might be surprised by what your child already knows, and it's important to not make them feel shamed for anything they might have been exposed to already even if it bothers you. 2) Use anatomically correct terms. This is important to decrease self-shame about sexuality and help protect your child from sexual abuse. (Potty-training is a great time to start using them. People hate to think of a 2 year old knowing the word vulva/vagina (what most people call the vagina is actually called the vulva; the vagina is solely an internal organ), but I'm here to say, she is still perfectly innocent and sweet even though she knows the V words). 3) If you're uncomfortable or feeling awkward, I say own it. It helps decrease everyone's awkwardness if you can somehow acknowledge the awkwardness. 3) If you decide you're not comfortable with sharing anatomical terms and detailed information with your child, you can still educate them about body safety by teaching them that they have private body parts and that some people try to use games, tricks, or secrets to get access to those. But that they can listen to their feelings, ask trusted adults questions, say no, and know that any abuse they ever experience is not their fault. Ok, I have more I could say on this topic, but not right now. 🙂 Oh, one last thing. I think personal stories are always good. Maybe you could share how you learned about something related to sex or puberty or something (especially if it was funny or interesting in some way, so you can add the point that you know it can be uncomfortable to bring up sometime, but it's ok).ReplyCancel

Ok, I promise this will be the last comment! I have a couple of anatomy books written for kids. Most of them are on all the various systems of the body, but they include a section on the reproductive system. It has been a great way for them to be exposed to the basics (which they haven't asked for clarification on). So they still don't know the mechanics of sex, but they have pictures showing them how a baby is created from an egg and a sperm. I think that's appropriate to expose a child of any age to.ReplyCancel

I got the talk when I was 8. I think it was a great age. My mother read us a book (which was very tastefully illustrated.) I remember thinking "gross!" but never being embarrassed. She showed us what condoms looked like and the birth control pill. She told us that it was totally normal to think that it all sounded gross but that it was actually a really wonderful part of life. And that was it. I thought she did great. It was a positive experience. All the negative feelings I had came from YWs lessons at church. But, fortunately, as I grew up I realized that those weren't the lessons to hold onto. I say do it now. I am sure there are still great books out there that will help with the conversation. Good luck! ReplyCancel

"The Longest Shortest Time" podcast recently did a series of sex episodes that included some good resources for talking to your kids. ReplyCancel

I read the book you mentioned and decided that my kids just weren't ready at age eight. Fortunately, they were in a school system where I didn't really worry about them finding out before I could tell them. We had the talk with our children at age 10 and for my son this was perfect. My husband and I did it together. We used the book Where Did I Come From. He was totally surprised that he hadn't been aware of this before and felt comfortable talking to us. Now, I think that it might have been better to talk to my daughter around age 9. So, I think it just depends on the child and their maturity. Good luck. I have to say, that it is a memory that I don't think any of us will forget. There were moments of laughter and serious moments as well. This is just the starting point. This opens the dialogue for them to feel free to ask you further questions about sex and other topics. It's all good 🙂 Lisa C.ReplyCancel

Off the cuff. I told myself (and my husband) that the next time I got a question they were getting the talk. The question came in the middle of dinner prep on a campsite! Not the best timing. But we took a little walk and did 'the talk'. Not very long. They were 9 and 7. It was such a relief to me to get it over with. And for me, better to do it in an understated, this is all normal and part of life way than making a song and dance about it! ReplyCancel

I talk openly about everything with my kids and allow the questions to come. Sometimes I have to tell my daughter (5 1/2) that the answer is complicated and I can explain but it might be better to ask when she is older and will understand the words. Some things I just simplify. She knows a lot but it is very unscientific, just simple facts. For example, girls have parts inside their body that have the eggs that can grow into a baby but if there is no baby they have a period, which is blood. You only have the blood of you are old enough that your body could make a baby. I mean, it isn't that easy, but I try to help her understand and she asks questions openly. I never tell her no don't ask
About that. Even my 2 year old son just today was grabbing his penis and asking in toddler speak of daddy had one, and if mama and sister have one. So I am so imperfect with this but my hope is that they will continue to ask when the old explanation is obviously too simple for them. I think by 10 or I will have to sit down and spell it all out. ReplyCancel

EVERYTHING is sexualized. Even if you don't think she is exposed to it, she is or will be soon. I remember my mom gave me "THE TALK" in two parts: one, was about boundaries, and the parts of my body that are private…I think this took place about age six; part two I was a little bit older, maybe 8 or 9, and it was just kind of a basic explanation of what takes place. I don't recall there being pictures or there needing to be pictures.

Of the method you talked about, the blog 71 Toes talks about how they do it in their family and I think that after having done it a few times, her points might be helpful. That said, you know your daughter and know what she can handle.

It is probably important to keep in mind, that most children by the age of 11 will have been exposed to porn in one capacity or another (FRIGHTENING), so they need to know how to confront/cope/deal/avoid it. The movie Men, Women & Children (starring Jennifer Garner and Adam Sandler, rated R), is very eye opening look at how technology affects everyone sexually, and how you can't shield you children from any of it, you can only prepare them for it and be aware of it all. I can't say I recommend the movie because there was a lot I fast forwarded through, but the basic points are fascinating in their delivery (not least because a) this is the same Adam Sandler of Big Daddy and b) Emma Thompson narrates) since this is not a religious or pious take on any of it–just a real snapshot of how technology has changed how we relate to sex.ReplyCancel

Beautifully written. I love when someone can put into words the notions I might have, but don't fully understand or realize. Thanks for helping me understand my world better and for the reminder to remember the little things that are so often forgotten or brushed over on a busy day. Your girls ARE beautiful. ReplyCancel

So true! My husband and I talk about the kids when we are lying in bed after we've turned out the lights. We talk about the funny things they did that day or laugh about things they've done in the past. It's not really art, but it helps me savour moments before they are forgotten and I honestly think it helps me like my kids more haha. We never planned it – it just happened.

Also, are those your paintings in the first photo? They are gorgeous!ReplyCancel

Profound. Thank you! This resonates deeply within me.ReplyCancel

U said it so beautifully! Thank you for writing. This made my day better:)ReplyCancel

I reread this today because I just really needed to. I cried the whole time and resolved myself to paint tonight when I put the kids to bed because I just really need to. Thanks for putting words to my thoughts and making me feel less alone in this.ReplyCancel

Cute and fun pictures. I love Kelle. So glad you met her.ReplyCancel

Nice Pictures!ReplyCancel

Greetings to the general public, i want to tell about how i was cured of HIV/AIDS disease by a Doctor called Dr Puma . I was browsing through the Internet searching for remedy on HIV and i saw comment of people talking about how Doctor Puma cured them. I Was scared because i never believed in the Internet but i was convince to give him a try because i having no hope of been cured of HIV/AIDS so i decided to contact him with his email that was listed on the comment (Lalapumaspelltemple@gmail.com) when i contacted him he gave me hope and send a Herbal medicine to me that i took and it seriously worked for me, am a free person now without problem, my HIV result came out negative. I pray for you Dr Puma God will give you everlasting life, you shall not die before your time for being a sincere and grate men. Am so happy, you can also contact him if you have any problem E-mail him (Lalapumaspelltemple@gmail.com or Add him up on Whats App +2349060961651
ReplyCancel