We left out of town yesterday–just the girls and I. As I’m very cautious I don’t normally post about leaving out of town, but B’s going to be home. Also, we finally got a security system which helps me feel a little more, ahem, secure. At least in theory. B was out of town a...
Just popping in for a quick minute to wish you a happy Friday. I’m actually getting ready to redeem my Mother’s Day gift with a spa day. I love massages, facials, mani/pedis but have never actually gotten to do that all in one day! I can’t wait. I’ve always said that if I was a...
I love doing crafts with my kids, but as a limb difference mom this is not always an easy task to take on. Finding crafts that are doable for both Lamp and PSP is challenging to say the least. Because Lamp really wants to do it all herself! Which is awesome (yay!), but again challenging...
The squirrel hate is real! Our first bird feeder was chewed open like a scene out of Alien. I have one hanging outside our kitchen window, but the birds haven't warmed up to it yet. If we leave the tree limbs too close to the house, the jump onto the roof. Ahh, the joys of living in Texas 😀ReplyCancel
As many of us saw our first glimpse of Caitlyn Jenner yesterday, formerly known as Bruce Jenner I just wanted to throw my support in the rink for this courageous decision. So here it is: Good job Caitlyn! I was particularly struck with the sentence, “Bruce was always lying. Caitlyn can be honest.” Out of...
Hi Miggy,
Thank you for this post. I am a long-time reader and always read your thoughts with great interest. You are such an articulate writer and always spur me to think deeply. I can't answer your question directed to religious readers, as I am not religious myself…
But I am writing to ask for help, if you feel so inclined.
One of my friends, Matthew Clowney, is a talented photographer currently in the last few hours of a fundraiser for a childrens' art exhibit featuring photographs of a family with a trans grandmother. The exhibit aims to foster dialogue about trans issues. It's an important and timely exhibit.
If fully funded, it will become a traveling exhibit and reach children and families across the U.S. But with just 38 hours remaining, it is only 57% funded and that vision may not be realized.
I'm hoping you can help to spread the word. Could you please post this comment and/or share the link? Learn more at http://www.transfamilyphotos.com.
*clap clap*
I love your blog so much, I always find you have such insightful, kind things to say. I very much like this post as well, and acknowledge that it probably took a bit of courage for you to write, as the religious community you are associated with openly does not support LGBTQ rights. I too, – wholeheartedly- support Caitlyn in her transition and wish her the best of luck.
It does, however, make me a bit sad that there is such a hooplah about it all. Both in the fact that you felt the need to almost "out yourself" as an LGBTQ (T in particular in this case) supporter and the INSANE about of media coverage Caitlyn's transition is getting. Not because I don't think its awesome and wonderful and refreshing, but FOR THE SOLE REASON that I find it sad its such an issue. One that deserves such declarations and public fanfare. Its sad that you have to declare your support for something that's…..natural. Normal. Another person's personal life choice. Like, you don't feel compelled to write blog posts about an actress going back to her natural hair color. And there are no Vanity Fair covers with Julia Roberts that are like, "hey guys, I'd like to announce I'm really a blond". I wish that someday conversations with a person transitioning will be like: "Hey, just so you know, I am now Caitlyn, and I'm going to live my life as a woman, as my biology and brain have been my entire life." and then you'd be like, "cool. Have you seen the new Mad Max movie? Its gotten rave reviews." The end.
Someday maybe. But for now, I'm trying to embrace (or appreciate) the fanfare if it means shedding some light and starting a needed conversation about the trans community.
I really hope this comment doesn't come off as critical of your blog post. I think everything you said is wonderful. Empowering. And commendable. I just can't help feeling like, ok- so you support someone's personal choice of embracing their biology? Cool beans. You'd be a d*** if you didn't…ReplyCancel
RHrad–ha! Your last comment made me chuckle… but I don't totally agree with it. Transgender IS really different–much more different than say dying ones hair (is it dyeing?), it doesn't feel like a typical thing and I don't think most of us associate it with a biological issue. This idea that some day we'll be so advanced we won't see people for the color of their skin, the sexual preferences, gender preferences, disabilities has never really sat well with me. I don't expect people not to notice my daughters limb differences and react–I feel like that's asking people to be less human than they are. Curiosity is also a part of humanity. But I do hope we all are more kind, less judgmental. And that I think will always take some effort. ReplyCancel
(I hope this doesn't double post- because the first time I *think* didn't go through)
Thank you so much Miggy for your response to my comment. And, I totally agree. You brought an opposing view that I read and was like, yeah, ok. I get that.
Im realizing now that there are SO many dimensions to the point I was trying to make. And, it shouldn't be about getting to the point where we are just "ehhhh" about differences. It's more aknowledging and supporting the fact that differences exist. Be it being trans, or having limb differences, or being autistic. I'm not equating- just trying to make point that I was wrong in hoping we'd get to the point where we ignored these things. I'm seeing that can be counter productive. Maybe my new hope is that we can acknowledge differences and then know that ppl of all "who, what's and where's" are still worthy of being productive members of society.
I had this conversation with my mom tonight, who, in my (not so humble) opinion is the smartest most level headed person I know. And she said: "people who struggle because they see the many dimensions of this issue struggle because they are smart". In other words- humans are 3 dimensional, and there are so many facets and layers to these types of topics.
Thank you SO much for allowing, and engaging, in such a truly progressive and positive topic on your blog. ReplyCancel
A great, thoughtful response, Miggy. As a fellow Mormon, I too have learned that mercy and kindness bring the greatest comfort and happiness to others (and, really, myself). I can only imagine the inner turmoil and external barriers that so many others face as they try to find a place in this world.
My only wish was that world wasn't so focused on how well Caitlyn fits society's standards for female beauty. As if her transition's significance, value, and success were verified by a bombshell appearance on Vanity Fair. ReplyCancel
As a Mormon mother of a gay son, I thank you for adding yourself to the growing rank and file of those of us who support and affirm the LGBT community. We have a group of Mama Dragons which is growing every day, as LDS moms with gay kids seek support and a place to help advocate for change on behalf of our vulnerable youth.ReplyCancel
Diane–You know a lot of people still disagree with this position. And in truth, I still agree with a lot of the church's stance on a doctrinal level (which is a whole other post…) BUT when thinking about these things I always come back to, 'what if it were my kid?' What I would want most is for people to understand that they probably don't understand and to treat my kid with the kindness and respect they would everyone else. And honestly I sort wish I had chosen another subject than Caitlyn Jenner to discuss this because it's a rather sensationalized view of this topic. Some of the stories that have been most impactful have been the stories of families and their kids and how this has affected them. Unfortunately I think some people see Caitlyn and see something very unnatural being glorified. I don't know if that all makes sense…getting late…
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Love. Thank you for being brave and sharing your kindness. http://momastery.com/blog/2015/06/01/simple-hard/ReplyCancel
Miggy, you inspired me to post this on my FB timeline:
I'm an active member of the LDS church (Mormon) and I teach human sexuality at a major public university. So in conjunction with the post I shared yesterday about being brave AND kind, I'd also like to share some information about the spectrum of sex characteristics that exist among human kind (i.e., the biological aspects of being "male" or "female"). Because I grew up with very rigid ideas about gender and it's meaning, the first time I heard about the possibility of being "intersex" I was very, very uncomfortable. But facing this discomfort and learning more, combined with my personal belief—which is tied to my personal faith—in every one being worthy of love, has gotten me to the point where now I'm much more comfortable with this information (which is good since I now lecture on it), as well as other "uncomfortable" topics relating to gender and sexual identity. Have I reconciled all facts of the world with my faith I have grown up with? No. And I'm not sure that I will in this life. But I've increased my capacity to feel and show love toward others. And I feel that focusing on how I treat/respond others is the best use of my time and effort. Love (kindness) is the thing. The rest is just details. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJxZe4KAdqU http://www.isna.org/faq/what_is_intersex
http://www.isna.org/faq/frequency
http://ghr.nlm.nih.gov/cond…/androgen-insensitivity-syndrome
Again, no comments on this post. If you have questions about intersexuality, pm me and I can point you to more information.ReplyCancel
As a non-Mormon, non-religious person, it really warmed my heart to see this post! Mormon history is an interest of mine (I have non-Mormon family in SLC) and it's great to see you and others putting a progressive face to the faith. While there are a lot of things I disagree with about Mormonism, it's cool knowing that there are so many other points at which we all as people/Americans/whatever can connect to each other on, and including some that are more unexpected like this.
I grew up in the Protestant church and left because I felt that my political beliefs (left of center) weren't accepted by the church. It gives me a lot of hope to see Mormons identifying as LGBTQ allies while still strongly identifying with their faith. I'm not sure if or when I'll find my way back to church, but it's great knowing that people are finding ways to practice their political, personal and spiritual beliefs at the same time.ReplyCancel
k.g.– On the outside Mormonism has a very buttoned up, conservative face. And sure, on the inside we can still be a lot like that. I think people don't often see just how loving and inclusive and even progressive our doctrine really is. For example we believe in God the Father, but we also believe in a Heavenly Mother. We don't talk about her much (which is changning) but I think that's pretty interesting (maybe even mind blowing? I don't know…) point of doctrine. ReplyCancel
All we can do is say what we believe as Christians: that all of us are sinners, and that none of us are freaks. We must conclude that all of us are called to repentance, and part of what repentance means is to receive the gender with which God created us, even when that’s difficult. We must affirm that God loves all persons, and that the gospel is good news for repentant prodigal sons and daughters, even for those who have trouble figuring out which is which. Russell D. MooreReplyCancel
Russell D. Moore–Love a lot of your points. The idea that God made us a specific gender and there is no way he would "mess this up" so to speak doesn't ring true to me. People come with all sorts of difference that don't make any sense–people come with all kinds of physical, mental, emotional difference and disabilities. To the people who say, God gave each person a gender and we need to stick to it I say, what about hermaphrodites (people born with both sets of reproductive organs?) And if he wouldn't mess up a persons gender, well why would He "mess up" their arms, their brains, their heart, etc? Personally I don't think it's something God "messed up" on, I think these things happen and I have no idea how/why they happen, but I believe the struggle is real and valid as much as any other person born with something counter to the norm. ReplyCancel
I tried to post a comment yesterday but I was having some "user errors."
I am extremely involved in Reform Judaism. I don't know if some would consider me "religious." (I kind of loathe that term and prefer "observant.") I'm observant in the ways I choose to act out my Judaism — mostly as a Jewish professional Educator … anyway.
I thought this was an awesome post and I think it's refreshing to see the Mormon church and some of their members giving support to this issue.
I'm also fairly liberal and a strong supporter of LGBTQ issues and think that we are slowly in the USA understanding and supporting these issues more. Thanks again for your post!ReplyCancel
I am not sure that I agree with you. I especially hate that they chose to show Bruce/Caitlyn as a sexy bombshell… like that makes him more of a woman because he is "sexy.." The feminist in me is really upset about that.
Also, I was wondering if you have ever heard about this sort of issue in this article? Does it change how you feel? Is changing your gender better than cutting off a fully functional arm? It makes me think…
http://news.nationalpost.com/news/canada/becoming-disabled-by-choice-not-chance-transabled-people-feel-like-impostors-in-their-fully-working-bodiesReplyCancel
R–Sure…as I said above, this whole sexy magazine cover, and very staged coming out all leading to a new reality show isn't the best avenue to help people embrace this as NOT a celebrity gimmick.
And yes I have heard of people who want to be disabled and do all manner of things to their bodies to become amputees…. yes this sounds pretty crazy to me. I totally see this separate as someone who is transgender (especially since a sex change operation is not always involved). I actually had this discussion with someone on FB yesterday so forgive me for not taking the time right now to restate everything, but in short yes I think people who want to cut off their limbs need help. I think people who want to live their life as a different gender MAY need help–perhaps it's not ALWAYS a matter of truly feeling like the wrong gender, but by and large I think it's different… here's an article I wish I would have linked to above that really helped me see things differently…http://www.cnn.com/2015/03/18/living/feat-transgender-child-raising-ryland/ReplyCancel
Hi Miggy! Thanks for having me back again. I previously shared a spotlight on my second daughter, Maddy, who was born with diastrophic dysplasia, a rare form of dwarfism. Since then, her little sister, Briella, was born with the same diagnosis. Despite them having identical mutations on the identical gene (there are a few different...
The husband was out of town all weekend so surviving is an accomplishment in and of itself, amiright mamas? But I also managed to bust out a project that has been on the list for a while–whitewashing the fireplace. (I apologize, but all these photos are iPhone photos… did I mention my husband was out...
Beautiful, accomplishments. I feel like my time with my baby is rushing by because he is my fourth. He's the one that fusses, cries, steals toys, and ruins legos. I feel like somedays all we do is express annoyance at him. He could be my last baby, or at the very least these are my last days with him as a baby, and this is a good reminder for me. ReplyCancel
I should have some great spotlights in the next couple of weeks so stay tuned, but in the meantime I thought I’d share a couple of cool special needs related links. Hashtag #toylikeme social media campaign spreads like wildfire in the UK for smaller (and now larger) toy companies to start making toys with disabilities....
Our family has appreciated the quality of Lakeshore's toys for years. When Tucker discovered the little girl in the wheelchair (from the Block Play People with Differing Abilities set) did not fit through Lakeshore's Store Doors, we wrote a note and the company IMMEDIATELY responded with modifications to the toys – we received a new, wider set within weeks. The toys are meant for childcare centers, primarily, and so are very durable. I'm glad our boys have been exposed to toys that look like all kinds of people, and to the idea that they can change the world with their own small discoveries… http://betzfamilycolumbus.blogspot.com/2013/01/lakeshore-listened.htmlReplyCancel
Hey, I'm Amy!
I'm an author, artist, and disability advocate. I live with my handsome husband and three beautiful daughters in Cincinnati, Ohio.
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A good friend of mine had her house broken into a couple months ago. No one was home at the time, thankfully, but it was a very traumatic experience for her. While the police were there investigating my friend commented to them that her next door neighbor was out of town and had yesterday's newspaper in the driveway to announce it, so why did the intruders choose her house instead? The police officer pointed to the little security system sign in the neighbor's yard and said, because of that sign. They told her that random break-ins almost never happen in homes that are labeled with security systems. My friend had a security system installed the next day. I hope that you can feel a little bit more secure knowing that just having the security system can potentially discourage intruders from choosing your house.
Rachel–Good to know! I mean I'm so sorry that happened to your friend–so awful–but I'm glad to hear the police tell her a security system actual helps prevent these things. I mean, they definitely should so in a way it's a no-brainer, but still…it's good hearing it.
My crazy border collie/shepherd dog is my security system. At night, she is on high alert and will bark at any out–of-the-ordinary sounds. We've never trained her to be our guardian but it seems hard wired into her. She rotates where she sleeps at night — can be found either beside our bed, at the top or bottom of the stairs. She's the last to bed and the first one up. When my husband is out of town, she makes the rounds more frequently (he's her favorite and I think she's just walking around looking for him or maybe she's taking care of us until he returns?). I actually wake sometimes and hear her nails clacking as she walks the floors and then settles next to the bed. Her presence is a comfort to me and I wouldn't sleep well without a dog in the house.
Jillbert–I actually would love to get a dog one day. For both the companionship/love of a dog and the security.
When I was a teenager, my dad owned a business that sold and monitored alarm systems, so we had one in our house. One year for their anniversary, my parents went away for a night to a local hotel, leaving me and my older sister in charge of the five younger siblings. Setting the alarm was totally routine, and we didn't have any increased concern just because our parents were gone.
In the middle if the night, my sister and I (who shared a room) were suddenly awoken by two police officers who had their guns and lights drawn and we're clearing our house. The alarm was blaring (all 7 of us kids had slept through it!) and the police had been dispatched. The officers checked the rest if the house, and told us the handle of back door had been removed, which was how they got into the house. They were able to trace footsteps from the back door, through our recently irrigated lawn, and out to our backyard fence.
I don't recall being particularly freaked out about it as a kid, but as an adult, it's an amazing and scary experience to look back on.
Several years (decades!) ago, I obtained a concealed carry permit and began carrying a small revolver in my purse. That DEFINITELY made me feel way more paranoid than secure, and I eventually stopped carrying because I thought I might accidentally shoot someone due to an unreasonably heightened sense of fear. So I totally get what you're feeling with your new alarm system.
Wow! What an experience. I can't believe you weren't more freaked out. And SO glad to know the police came to the rescue…and that you kids set it and everything. I mean all the dominos had to be in place for that story to end up a happy one. I can only imagine your parents gut wrenching horror…..phew!
When I was a teenager, my dad owned a business that sold and monitored alarm systems, so we had one in our house. One year for their anniversary, my parents went away for a night to a local hotel, leaving me and my older sister in charge of the five younger siblings. Setting the alarm was totally routine, and we didn't have any increased concern just because our parents were gone.
In the middle if the night, my sister and I (who shared a room) were suddenly awoken by two police officers who had their guns and lights drawn and we're clearing our house. The alarm was blaring (all 7 of us kids had slept through it!) and the police had been dispatched. The officers checked the rest if the house, and told us the handle of back door had been removed, which was how they got into the house. They were able to trace footsteps from the back door, through our recently irrigated lawn, and out to our backyard fence.
I don't recall being particularly freaked out about it as a kid, but as an adult, it's an amazing and scary experience to look back on.
Several years (decades!) ago, I obtained a concealed carry permit and began carrying a small revolver in my purse. That DEFINITELY made me feel way more paranoid than secure, and I eventually stopped carrying because I thought I might accidentally shoot someone due to an unreasonably heightened sense of fear. So I totally get what you're feeling with your new alarm system.
I have heard the same thing about just having a security system sign/stickers in front of your house will deter a break-in/intruder. They would rather go for the easier house that they know won't have an alarm go off. Another security feature that I had on my townhouse was when we got new windows the latches were on the side of the window out of view when standing outside instead of right on top. When standing outside you couldn't see if the window was unlocked or not and they were triple paned glass. It would take a lot of effort and noise to break those windows.
When my children were small, I told them that if I ever called them by their middle names it meant for them to get help immediately. We planned an escape route in and around our home to our neighbors. And if we were in public and I called them by their middle names, for them to stay away from me and go to the nearest adult and have them call for help. I was paranoid! 🙂
Hi from Nebraska! I'm in a "big" city, but know where Gering is. My security system is a small, private, weapon collection, very good weapons training, and less than welcoming dogs. All are sweet, wonderful dogs outside the house or if you're invited in. The worst looking, a low, wide Pit Bull Terrier would only be a cheerful welcoming committee, everyone is his best friend EVER. The Mastiff Great Dane mix may sit on you, if he could be bothered to move. They sound like the hounds from hell however if you approach the house, and look evil. The one however to watch out for is a Golden Retriever English Springer Spaniel mix. You threaten her turf or human, you will face an enraged 75 pound ball of fury. She doesn't bark. She will stare you down or you will see those hackles raise and the threat growling grumble start. That's been enough to stop the lone idiot who wanted to try something.
You won't get past my dog throwing a tantrum, my training and my nosy neighbor. I'm not worried.
Thank you for being so open and honest about your fears with feeling safe in your home. I am disabled and that adds a whole new level of feeling not very secure. We recently had a fire drill at work and as a disabled person, these sorts of scenarios make me uneasy. All this being said, it is nice in a way to see that others take these same fears seriously. Thank you!
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