Hey you guys! Miggy here. I’m really excited to be featuring today’s spotlight talking about the amazing and brave girl Alexis who has reactive attachment disorder or RAD, among other invisible disorders. I first heard about this disorder on an episode of This American Life and wow…the complexity and depth of this disorder will, as...
If you’ve been feeling inadequate, lonely, unnoticed, and completely unremarkable this post is for you. If you’re struggling to find your tribe, your people, or learning to ‘invest in people who invest in you’ then this post is for you. If you’re feeling worthless and somewhat unaccomplished, this post is for you. If you’re feeling...
I've commented a few times and always said that we have very different backgrounds — I have chosen not to have children, different religions, etc … but man I could have written this blog post. I go to a lot of therapy because sometimes I just don't know how to not hate myself. So amen sister! I get it. Seriously — suck out the poison! Love the bomb. Such good advice. Thank you for this today!ReplyCancel
Beautifully written post. You are so insightful and reflective. I have had such a similar experience as a woman I my 40s. I feel like many times my self esteem is much lower than when I was younger. I question my decisions, thoughts, actions so much more now than I ever did as a teen. I would have expected it to be the opposite. So good to know I'm not alone in feeling this way. I really appreciate your blog and your encouragement. ReplyCancel
This is the first time I comment here, but I have been following your blog for some time now, as I find you are a wonderful person, a talented painter, a loving mom of fantastic children and a very nice looking wife. The list could go on really.
Usually long posts are not for me, but this time I went through it thoroughly. Why ? I could relate. Last week, I went through a similar evening with my husband and ended up crying a lot. Well, you are not alone having such feelings. I am living in Italy and feel very close to you. I'll try to figure out what my bomb is or was.
Oh… I've been an avid fan of yours for a long time. Though while we were both in NYC I'm not sure I knew how to show it. Sometimes it's simply a case of not knowing how to relate to someone you perceive as SUPER COOL. That's you, by-the-way.
I find myself back in a small UT town now and methinks I came on too strong initially with my 20-years-on-the-EastCoast-self. That and many other self-defeating thoughts roil around in myhead as I wonder why EVERYONE doesn't like/love me here. Because it is more marked in a small town. As I wrestle, what's important for me is to triumph in maintaining a generous heart towards them all. Sometimes that's hard and I can't muster my usual levels of happy energy. But, as mentioned, bitterness is never a good solution. Neither is perpetual self-pity. Moving through it is the goal, and roaring at ourselves that our worthiness for love&belonging is never on the chopping block. Ever. I may not always be someone people can relate to, but I should never think to myself that I'm not commendable. It all starts with self, which you pointedly stated. Of course, you're right. May it sink in and feel real to us all. OxoReplyCancel
I really needed to read this today. I'm struggling with so many of the same things, and you articulated them so well! I think we had very similar 6th grade experiences! Sometimes thinking back on that year is borderline traumatic – I have had to do the same thing, look back at how that year shaped me in crucial ways for the good. I actually read the Elna Baker article and watched the Colbert interview recently too and they both resonated with me. We don't know each other, but I think you may be part of my tribe nonetheless. 😉 Sending love and thanks from San Diego…ReplyCancel
This is great. I'll share it with my 9th grader. We talk about this often…but I think you articulated it better than I ever have. She is so kind hearted and doesn't really understand why people change just to be popular…she is a lot like you (artist, plays guitar, free spirit). High school is so much better for her than middle school, but she still struggles to find her tribe. I tell her it will happen and if she stays true to who she is those friendships will be the best and most rewarding. The journey can just be lonely sometimes. She has friends but no one really close. I found my dearest friends in college…and it was worth the wait. XO- WongReplyCancel
You are so talented at expressing yourself. This is one of two posts you have written now that speak to the deepest parts of my soul (the other was your response to the person who wrote to you about abortion). I had the worst day today. Worst. It isn't chance that your Insta post led me here to read this. Never stop writing and sharing. You are making a difference to so many I am sure. I know you do for me. Thanks. ReplyCancel
My best friend Kym F sent me this link. Feeling less than and worthless and low low low is such a crippling place to be, but knowing I'm not the only one to feel this way, and that, in fact, I'm in good company, is healing. Thank you for sharing and being open and vulnerable. It's very powerful. I just finished a book right now that you might enjoy. Right now. While you are working through these feelings. Love Warrior. ReplyCancel
Catching up on your blog Amy…!!such good writing!! I can relate to this so much as well. I can't wait to talk this over IN PERSON! with you tomorrow. Can I just say how impressed I am that you keep this up? This blog, this everyday? This hard, hard work that is a blessing to you now, will be a blessing to you in your future (and in your childrens' future) and obviously is a blessing to soooooo many other people!! This is hard. And you're doing it! You're the bomb;) xoxooxoxxReplyCancel
*Ugh…guys pardon my formatting today, I don’t know whats going on here, but for some reason it’s just a little crazy. Hopefully it doesn’t interfere with the amazing message being shared. Hello, my name is Leslie and I would like to introduce you Will, sports fan extraordinaire! He is a friendly, smart and curious 12 year old...
Right now I’m sitting in a cafe across the street from where I just finished my acupuncture appointment. I don’t remember exactly, but I think this is my 5th or 6th appointment and so far I give acupuncture two thumbs up. It’s been almost a year since I herniated a disk in my back (last...
I have a family member who used acupuncture for pain after a stroke with no impact. I was really hoping it would help with the pain. Chiro helped me after a back injury, but I will not let them touch my neck because the family member who had a stroke likely had it due to a chiropractic adjustment on their neck. I did a steroid injection that helped immensely. My back pain is gone now, not sure how or why, but it went away eventually… can't remember if it came back after the steroid shots. I still have a weak core! Bodies are confusing!! ReplyCancel
I started going to acupuncture 10 years ago after 2+ years of infertility treatments and 3 miscarriages. I live in rural Central NY where, a decade ago, acupuncture was considered quite fringe. But I would have stood on my head and clucked like a chicken 8 hours a day to have a successful pregnancy, so I was clearly willing to try it.
Best. Decision. Ever.
We still continued Western intervention (injectables, IUI, daily shots of blood thinners, etc) in conjunction with the acupuncture and had amazing results. I found the sessions themselves incredibly relaxing and (mostly) enjoyable (the needles in my face did weird me out). Our sessions became the highlight of my week and within a year, I was holding my brand new baby boy. Can I attribute the success solely to acupuncture? Nope. But it sure didn't hurt!
My husband is a police officer show wears a big, heavy gun belt all day, which caused a lot of neck/back/hip pain. After trying PT and specialized workouts, he finally started going to acupuncture and it made a world of difference to him too. He has to go every 4 weeks, but his back has never felt better!
So I say, good on you! Find what works and don't ever feel like you need to apologize for it!ReplyCancel
My mom grew up in Taiwan and my aunt is a long-time devotee of acupuncture. I've only ever hesitated because I wasn't sure how to find a good acupuncturist and also assumed that I'd pay out of pocket for any treatments. Does your insurance cover any of the cost they way they might for a chiropractor? ReplyCancel
Allison–So no my insurance does not cover it. The cool thing about this place is that it's a community style acupuncture with a sliding scale payment method…so if you can pay a little more to help those who can't afford as much great…if you can only pay the minimum amount that's great too. Honestly these treatments are about as much as a co-pay(or slightly more) anyway so I can totally work with that. ReplyCancel
How timely. When you wrote about your back a few months ago, I clearly remember thinking, "thank goodness my back problems are gone… I wouldn't be able to do it with [insert 13 month old baby name here]". And yet, here I am… 4 weeks gone with terrible pain shooting down my left leg, at times absolutely unbearable. Much, much worse than my college back episode nearly 14 years ago (and i must say, 32 is not kind to me and my normally rapid healing). I've only just reached out to my doc, and have done a single session of PT, but I'm sort of the "im never going to get better… This is my life… Garcon, another advil" stage.
I did acupuncture for anxiety and found it made me more anxious (those acute sensations travelling down the arm really weirded me out), but if this doesnt improve fast, I'm going to be desperate. Looking back, do you wish you'd done it earlier? Or is it a better end-of-the-recovery treatment?ReplyCancel
I used acupuncture to assist my body and mind with birthing prep before our second child's arrival, with the approval of my ob-gyn from week 35 on. It's incredibly powerful and I found it relaxing. My blood pressure stayed low for the remainder of my pregnancy. I felt as ready as possible to deliver our baby. My practitioner told me the women she'd been working with had efficient labours, didn't use meds and recovered quickly from delivery. After being induced for my first delivery and taking 20 hours to deliver, I was interested to say the least. My water leaked two days after my 'due date', I had that confirmed by my doctor two days later, had my last acupuncture treatment at 5pm, that day, was told I had weak contractions at 730pm, felt contractions strengthening from 930-1030pm, was checked at 1130pm and was 8cm and pushing. I delivered our second daughter at 1255am with no meds, feeling amazing and had a great post-delivery recovery. Another woman who delivered her first child the same night had a similar experience. In conversing as we walked the hospital hallway a day later with our daughters, we discovered we'd both had acupuncture. She is a labour/delivery nurse who'd seen too many first-time moms be induced with some common complications [jaundice, tired babies needing supplementing before nursing was sorted] to want that for herself. We were clients of the same acupuncture practitioner and we had the same experience of strong efficient labour after acupuncture treatments. I can't recommend it highly enough for mamas getting ready to deliver. My practitioner 'tweaked' the needles during my last treatment before delivery by twisting them a couple times during my treatment and just before removing them. When she removed the needles, which you know are very small and sometimes even fall out during treatment if your body is 'done' with them, she had to hold each needle in one hand and push my arm or leg away with the other hand. Lots of energy flow happening!ReplyCancel
Hello dear, I am glad that you shared your experience here. I am also a huge believer of acupuncture and its benefits and that is why I am looking for best Mississauga acupuncturist. Can you suggest me one please?
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Good post, Thanks for sharing.
face painting last weekend courtesy of the better parent, aka dad. Have you ever had that experience where your teacher sends home a note that says something like, “Sally is doing really well in her independent study of advanced chemical compounds! Keep up the great work at home!” And you’re like, come again? That’s how...
Hello,
I came here from Say Yes! blog and I am blown away by your attitude. Your question today prompts me to answer: yes! I let go of the idea of my son talking "normally." He has apraxia/dyspraxia and didn't really learn to talk until he was about 7 or 8 years old. Reading your blog today reminded me of how it has been for us. And, you are so right, that if someone would've told us how long some things were going to take we would've been disheartened, to say the least. But then life goes on. I also want to say that I love that you have a doctor that has not personal agenda or expectations, but to help children develop and be happy. What a gift. Thank you for writing. ReplyCancel
Yes I really like our doctor. People wonder why we would go all the way to Texas to see a doctor when we have one of the best children's hospitals in the country right here…but when you find THE right doctor for your very rare kid, you stick with it! Also if you'd ever be interested in featuring your son/family in my special needs spotlight series email me at thislittlemiggy at gmail dot com. ReplyCancel
Welp, I just deepened my crush on you and your awesome family. It's not the walking, it's not the child with limb differences – it's the family who has confidence in exactly who they are – collectively and individually, because they love unconditionally.
On a sidenote, I did have to let go of something. I had breast cancer at a young age – just after I got engaged. All I ever wanted to be was a mom, but was told by doctors that after my treatment, "I would never be a mother". I had to let go of that dream. I mourned the loss, and when I was truly able to let go, the miracle happened. We finally adopted the boy who was absolutely meant to be our son. Doctors… what do they know?ReplyCancel
Diane–I bet you get this. Isn't it crazy how amazingly smart we are before we have kids and how we know EVERYTHING and then we have kids and realize… oh, I actually don't know anything. Of course life can do this to you even if you don't have kids, but something about the complete surrender that comes with parental love that enables you to see and accept the world differently…it's a beautiful thing. And while I know being gay is not a special need, it is definitely a special circumstance in the Mormon world…if you ever think you'd want to share your story I'd love to do it for a "special circumstance spotlight." ReplyCancel
Amazing pictures! Lamp is full of light. As an OT a few steps are great for function! And yes, we're always the last one to know when our selectively mute daughter makes progress. I'd like to share this picture with you as the girl on the right looks alot like Lamp – they are all comedians:
http://www.lapresse.ca/le-soleil/arts-et-spectacles/television-et-radio/richard-therrien/201509/24/01-4903696-les-detestables-a-v-les-adorables-a-z.php?utm_categorieinterne=trafficdrivers&utm_contenuinterne=cyberpresse_B25_A-decouvrir_219_article_ECRAN1POS5ReplyCancel
The host of the show is Pierre Hebert and he has a facebook page. Perhaps he might be able to help you connect with her? https://www.facebook.com/hebertpierreReplyCancel
Hi, I’m Jill, mom of 5 boys (ages 10, 8, 6, 5, and 2) and wife of Patrick, who teaches Latin and Literature at a classics-based private school in northern Virginia. Our fifth son is John Paul, who has a type of TAR syndrome, which stands for Thrombocytopenia (low platelets) -Absent-Radius. In addition to his...
Patrick & Jill, and boys…what an absolutely inspiring journey you have shared. Truly, through John Paul, you have shown how God's Will can be honestly sought for and joyfully accepted. Your journey shows the importance of the gift of Faith, the blessing of family, and the treasure of friends. Thank you for sharing your life. Someday we hope to meet ALL of you! In the meantime, we fondly reminisce our life with "…The Storey Boys…" and "their" family!
Our Love & Prayers & Friendship,
The Phil & Moira Kuenstle FamilyReplyCancel
My friend Mo came a few weeks ago and took some pictures of our family. I love, love, love taking family photos in our home–the one above is my absolute favorite and we’ll be getting it framed soon! We’ve done family photos on location before–and they were beautiful–but there’s something about capturing your home as...
These are so beautifully done — their tone is perfect — that I want to hang them in my home. That would be weird though, having photos of an unrelated family on my walls.
Family portraits are definitely worth the investment, but the weightier decision for me is when to get them. We take enough pictures of milestones as time passes, so getting everybody done up for portraits that we'd pay biggish money for has to feel like a bigger deal than usual. It's an occasion that the family understands as special and I'd cross my fingers and toes that some people would cooperate and not throw any fits. Thinking ahead, I'd probably get them every two to three years, and that's because maybe I'm too scared of getting them more often because of the potential regret you mention.ReplyCancel
May…thanks! I like that you used the word 'tone'…I agree. The tone is excellent. I also agree that it *would* be weird to hang our family photos in your own home. 🙂
And yes, like you we do them every few years…and I'm always glad when we do. We've had a range of prices from free to rather pricy (some have been good friends and/or an exchange). But being an artist of course I think they are worth the price–just like any good art. Granted, there is a bit of a risk … but for my it's always paid off. ReplyCancel
These photographs are all so beautiful! My husband never wants to spend on professional photos, but I must show him so he better appreciates it! The photo of PSP carrying Lamp is so precious it brought tears to my eyes. Such a beautiful moment to capture of their special sisterhood. There are times when I see my older son helping my younger son out of his wheelchair and it is such a beautiful moment not because one is helping the other with a disability but because that is part of their bond that is so natural to them. ReplyCancel
The photos are beautiful and look timeless. We do not do family photos. We take a lot of photos, and have lots of lovely ones, but never have paid for them. I'm not the type to decorate with photos, either. I have very few framed around the house. I'm probably in the weird minority but I do not like big portrait photos of kids on the walls. My kids inhabit my home and pretty much every room has a nod to their interest or quirks. Their presence and personalities are part of the fiber of this home. Their creations and artwork has been on our walls all over the house, but photos and portraits? Nope.ReplyCancel
Jillbert–Interesting! And I totally respect your opinion. And it's funny because the pictures that we've paid the most for (our wedding photos) we don't even have one around right now. I think I need to make sure we get one up–ha! I don't know if that had anything to do with your comment, but a funny realization that paying for photos doesn't always result in their use (at least not ALL the time.) ReplyCancel
My parents parted when I was 2 and so the first time I had a photo with both of them was my wedding. I hated it! Since I have had a family of my own (eldest is 18 next month, youngest 13) we have been religious about getting pics done. I use to go for the cheap ones, done at schools/kindy as a fundraiser. Now we have a regular photographer that we use each year, normally November, who doesn't charge a ton. I always love them. My kids are so use to it only yesterday my daughter (16yrs) asked what our colour scheme was for this year, haha. ReplyCancel
Hey, I'm Amy!
I'm an author, artist, and disability advocate. I live with my handsome husband and three beautiful daughters in Cincinnati, Ohio.
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Another thing to understand about RAD is that it does not always come from neglect in the way that we think of neglect. My cousin's daughter has RAD as a result of being in the NICU for the first few weeks of her life. She was born into an otherwise loving home situation, but wasn't able to form a normal attachment with her parents in the first few weeks of life.
Shala, you have wonderful and smart girl in your arms!
Alexis, I love the outlook you have on life. Hope life will gets more effortless and working through all of it will get easier and easier.
P.S. LOVE your hair 🙂
Alexandra