I don’t remember when I first heard of this book, but I remember wanting to read it even then…before we found out about Lamp. Then once we found out about Lamp, I had to read it. This is the true memoir of a Mormon mother of 7 whose last child turns out to have down...
Yes part of me is wondering, what to say next. After the news of our baby girl it seems strange to casually move on to lighter topics {although I already have}, but but at the same time I can’t make each and every blog post about this new turn of events … because as it...
Okay, I totally just went and read my comment that I posted to make sure I didn't say something stupid. hahah
Great post by the way. I love blogging for the purpose of expressing ourselves, but it also opens us up to the "outside world." It seems like you are finding the right balance. I hope everyone shows you the respect that you deserve at this time.
Thanks for sharing. I'm thinking about you and praying for your family.ReplyCancel
I love you, and miss you, and wish that we were together:) I haven't wanted to say the wrong thing here, so I have been waiting to hear more about you guys and what is going on. Please know that we are thinking of you all the time, and Graham is lighting a candle for you and baby Lamp (and those other two crazies:) every Sunday. You are amazing!ReplyCancel
I pretty much assume that I'm always saying the wrong thing– but hope that the attempt is better than saying nothing at all. "it's the thought that counts", right?
I continue to think of you and pray for your sweet family. Please keep us informed on Lamp's progress. I wonder if she knows how loved she is already, by people who haven't even met her parents? Isn't that amazing?ReplyCancel
the older i have gotten, the more i have learned to forgive others and myself for social gaffes. 99% of the time i say dumb things out of general concern. and i like to think those percentages are close to the same for everyone else.
i've had two experiences recently where i have learned that not everything is about me. and i unintentionally made things about me without realizing it. my intentions were to comfort and to love. and both times those sweet mothers who lost children were so loving and forgiving to me.
thanks for your frankness and humor. i feel love when i read your blog.ReplyCancel
Great subject to address. I do stress about it. I reread my email to you a couple of times before I sent it because I was like "hey, I don't know her well, but I really like her, but I don't know…should I send it?" I decided that if I were in this situation I would love all the love (and, duh, who doesn't love love when their going through a rial, right?)
And I agree with what you said about concluding now. Who are we to say?
AND it's frustrating (for me) when people say "it will be okay/fine/all work out." For some reason I don't like that because a) I know! and b) our okays might not be the same thing and how do you know it will be your kind of okay.
(yeesh, I ramble a lot in your comment section. hope you don't mind:)
Thanks for sharing. You've inspired me to be more sensitive about what I say, but encouraged me to say something when I might not because I don't have the perfect thing to say.ReplyCancel
I appreciate this post and your frankness. I think I almost always fall in the category of not knowing what to say in a situation, and therefore usually say nothing. And the avoidance of the issue many times is probably worse than acknowledging it. I try to express love or support, but feel that so often I am so far from understanding what people are going through that it comes off sounding very trite. I don't think I've had really hard things happen in my life and so my experiences are not what someone might want/need to hear. I wonder when those hard things will happen to me.
Anyway, I am thinking of you and your family which is why I've been checking your blog. I like to hear and know what's going on. I pray that you will get the love, support and understanding that you need through this trial. You already are an inspiration.ReplyCancel
Again, your blog is fabulous. Which translates to you being fabulous 🙂
I have to say that you need to be able to "grieve" this process. You should (you deserve to) take as much time as it takes for you to "get your head around" this new change in your life. Whatever you need to do, just do it. Don't worry about what others say/think. It's your life, and you (and B) are the only ones who are dealing with it on such a personal level. Don't feel like you can't write/say whatever you want. You have every right to work this through with all the help/assistance from the Lord. I don't need to remind you that no one is perfect. Take whatever time/avenue you need to reconcile this new twist to your life story.
I've had friends go through the agony/blessing of a child being "different". I've personally put my foot in my mouth a million times. I always try to NOT do this (as I'm truly only trying to help), but I inevitibly end up doing so to SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE. I will apologize, in advance, on behalf of all those people who say/do it wrong 😉
My final thoughts? It's truly impossible to please everyone. Do what is right for YOUR family. As long as Heavenly Father is happy with you, nothing else matters.
P.S. I think your Baby Lamp is the luckiest little girl to be coming to such wonderful parents.ReplyCancel
You are pretty much amazing Ames. Yep. Amazing is the right word.
I have had a lot of experience with the receiving side of this. I never though. That my annoyance was something I needed to control, which is probably not good. So thanks for reminding me that I have a choice in the ways I react!
However, I REALLY try not to compare myself or any situations I know of to a grieving person. In my experience, it is only annoying. I too found out my baby was sick when I only wanted to find out what the gender was, but I know that I don't "know exactly how you feel" or what you are going through. I'm sure people mean well, but for me it's never helped. Even coming from a mother of a ccms child. Our children/situations are different.
Once I was talking to my (your former) bishop a few months after pip was born. I was telling him how hard it was to smile through these conversations, he told me "you are pretty blessed to be complaining about too much support". I try to kee. That in mind!
Umm, I think my comment was a ramble and off topic. So good luck. I think this post probably helped a lot of people!ReplyCancel
So i just went back and made sure I didn't say something stupid…:)
But I am glad you posted this. I have always wanted to be that friend that is there for people and sometimes I feel like I should say something to make them feel better but put my foot in my mouth. I've learned from that. But it's so hard because you don't want them to feel like you are just saying things to say them. I hope you know that I truly to love you and am keeping you in my prayers. I'm not just saying it.
Thanks for the post. Love ya.ReplyCancel
This was a very appropriate and relevant topic that you brought up, that anyone can benefit from! Thank you!
sigh…I've probably come to your blog 5 times in the past week and began to write a comment, but it's just that…what do I say? (And maybe a few distractions from my girls too) I'm not one for words, so out of worry, I end up not writing or saying anything in pretty much ANY situation. (which is worse than just saying something, even if it doesn't come out exactly as I want it to, right?)
I admit that I am one that dissects certain comments said or written into "What did they really mean?" When of course, people just love and care. When I am on the recieving end, I tend to gravitate towards the people in my life that bring me up and keep me going during difficult moments and trials. But the people that feed the "Woe is me" "Feel sorry for myself" "Lets go shopping and eat" moments are nice to have waiting for me when it's needed as well. 😉
I have to agree with the comment made by Heidi, it was perfectly said. And describes similarities of what I have experienced as well. I have been forgiven time after time by people that I look up to the most. The more I learn and live, the easier it is for me to be a little bit quicker to forgive.
hugs!ReplyCancel
I think we all worry about what to say, because, even if we have "been in your shoes," I think deep down most of us know that we haven't really.
When my brother died, I found out a few things about the topic that I've kept with me. First, it never helps to say "I understand what you're going through," even if that may be true. Second, it's better to say SOMETHING than nothing.
Usually, I still struggle with saying something, just cause I feel dumb. So often I start with, "I don't know the right thing to say, but I wanted to say something," and then I feel better about my words not being perfect.
I've been meaning to comment for a couple days sorry… first off, thanks everyone for your kind comments. I was worried that it may not be well received.
And I really wanted to address each and every comment individually, but I don't think I'm going to get to it. I do want to thank you for your comments and know that I read them all, and appreciate the perspectives shared, the encouragement and understanding. Seriously…it really warms my heart to feel the love and support. Thanks.ReplyCancel
I think often times people say what they themselves would find comforting, but since we're all so unique and have had such vastly different experiences sometimes what would really help one person comes off as annoying to another.
I admire your candid and honest blog about this subject… it's really helpful to all of us. I also think that it's so admirable- truly Christlike in fact- that you're able to look beyond the words/actions of those that fail to say the right things and see right through to the intentions, which of course are pure and good.
I appreciated the great links that provide some insight as to what to say and what not to say in difficult situations- like a lot of things, these skills aren't always intuitive and take some real learning and study. I always feel like a slightly better person after reading your blog and really appreciate your wisdom, honestly, and love. You are amazing.
We'll be praying for you and keeping your family in our prayers tomorrow.
Love you dearly-
What a beautiful and honest post. I loved your comment as well – love and support – that is exactly what you need and we all need. I don't want to say anything "wrong" but I just wanted to share an experience. After the birth of my third, I started experiencing a lot of severe anxiety. I felt really low. I mustered up some courage and emailed my closest friends and said, I just need some love today. And everyone was willing to give it. Just remember on your hard days, there are people who may not know what to say, but if you reach out to them (as you have done so well on your blog already) then they can respond with exactly what you need.
My prayers will be with you and your little family, even though I only know one of you (your spouse). Can I mail you something cheerful? email me your address at annaslow(at)gmail.com (you can email me to test me out first, before sending your address, just to make sure I'm normal – but I promise I am)ReplyCancel
i've been thinking about you and everything going on in your life lately. i read your -life changing-post a while ago, but i wasn't sure what to say. i feel like you have a good perspective on everything & you should know i think your spirit is beautiful. i wish you lived near by so when the time comes i could physically help you out. (& so i could get to know you better)
my prayers are with you to give you the strength needed to get you through all of this.
That photograph reminds me of your artwork. lovely.
I try to do something and say something, but I always mess up. I cried and cried when I did the first fundraiser because one of the women I was helping said that it was stressing her out and not worth it, among other things.
I was really really sad. Her words hurt me. I don't think she had a clue to how much work I was doing to pull it off. no clue.
But she apologized and I love her and she did the second fundraiser with me again. It was much better the second time.
The shop is re-stocked. I was going to wait until I had all my current projects finished, but at this rate I figured some stuff is better than no stuff. Check it out. I need to get another tent in there soon…any ideas, themes, color schemes?
LMT–That's actually a great idea…however I've never really been into or read the Harry Potter books, so it might be a stretch for me…but I could see the appeal and the wheels in my head are turning.
Holly–Thanks for the glowing review! Always nice to hear from a happy customer.
It turned out to be a good weekend. Even though Saturday was primarily set aside for cleaning, we ended up getting one of our overdue projects finished and also managed to squeeze in some thrifting. Our project was a photo wall in the living room. We had this one bare corner and due to...
After reading all your comments and emails two things have become crystal clear. 1) I’m not fooling anyone with this Miggy pseudonym–whether you know me in real life or not and 2) I absolutely feel the lifting power of your love and prayers. Strange as it sounds, it reminded me of having my hair brushed....
Hair brushing = genius analogy. Really.
And I love what you said about your state of being (so happy you're doing well!). Sometimes it's tricky to convey how things are really going and be realistic, but tell people (esp with typed words in email/blogs) that you're not suicidal.
Anyway, so glad to hear you're feeling the love and support. It's all about love and support no matter how small or huge our trials are, right? What would we do without friendship? without our husbands? without our babes? without the gospel?ReplyCancel
So I just read through the last few blogs to get myself caught up. The DNA makeup of baby Lamp is incredible because of you and B. She is going to be an amazing gift to you and to the world. My friend just had a daughter with spina bifida, and guess what!!! she is beautiful and amazing and has touched so many people's lives. May the gentle touch of the Master's hand be laid upon you and your family. There is much love being sent your way.ReplyCancel
I am anxious to get to work tomorrow so that I can email you again. I am not sure why I like to do my emailing at work so much, but I love it for some reason.
You are really out-doing yourself here. Impressing me more and more every day with the stellar woman you are. I can't wait to see you and b and bean with little lamp.ReplyCancel
I have to apologize that I have not gotten on your blog for so long and that I am just learning about your wonderful baby Lamp. You are in our thoughts and prayers. I am so glad that you are surrounded by people that love and support you, I wished that we were there for you like you were for me on one of the hardest days of my life. We just love you guys and think that you are amazing.ReplyCancel
*This is a post heavy in Mormon-speak, for the non Mormons out there I’ve provided some links to the Encyclopedia of Mormonism or LDS.com for more info. The past few years have been rather easy, almost dream like sometimes in their happiness and simplicity. B and I have wondered out loud several times, Why is...
Dear B & A,
Very well stated. You are in my prayers and thoughts, and I love you all very much. I love the painting "Christ Healing at the Waters of Bethesda" by Carl Bloch. Actually when we were in Provo two years ago and we had Nit for the day, I specifically took her in to the Museum at BYU just to see this painting. We sat on a bench and looked at the large art work… it was peaceful. I am glad you and B are experiencing a sense of peace. God is in the details.
I don't really know what to say except that I think you are a strong and wonderful woman. You are capable of great and difficult things. Why else would you be trusted to take on such a special experience? I hope you'll feel support from me and the rest of your new York family. We love you.ReplyCancel
I know the ache. I am so sorry the enjoyment of pregnancy has been interupted by this reality. I know this well. My mind immediatly went to how the rest of our lives would never be the same…..but with time I felt calm that if three of my children had C-polsy (he) would fill in were I wasn't able. Amy we didn't know until three months after they were born if they were whole or not. But it didn't matter, as long as we gave them a chance I felt that would be enough. To say the outcome won't matter sounds heartless, but what I mean is the talks and the tears and the resolve is what will shape you and allow god to find you. Good luck in this journey. This girl will be beautiful.
O.k., here I am crying. I'm sorry for this unexpected turn of events. There is NO speculation on my part. I'm crying because it's very evident that the Lord is truly guiding every step of your lives. I love that you and B are willing to follow Him. It's at times like these when I'm blown away at how much our Father in Heaven loves us, and what amazing things are brought about because of our Savior, Jesus Christ.
Can I please say that you and your husband are two of the most amazing people I know? (Even though I know B, I've never met you in person!) When I first read your blog, it quickly became one of my favorites. I appreciate the way you let your personality (LIGHT) shine here 🙂
Oh Amy, I wish I could reach out and hug you. Words are simply inadequate. You are in my thoughts. You are in my prayers. I know that in my own life, when I've been faced with things I don't have the strength to handle, God has been there to give me the peace and clarity to do the best I can. It sounds as though you and B are already intimately acquainted with that form of divine comfort. Love you, girl.ReplyCancel
God be with you and your sweet family.
my heart is aching. I agree with the commenter above — it must be so hard to have a happy pregnancy disrupted like this. Such a hard mental adjustment. It will take time and you allow your emotions to be real, okay?
We are praying for you.
dearestmiggs — it's so hard to know what to say but i want you to know that i am wrestling on your behalf. oh, women! the statement about acute suffering esp. when it has to do directly with our children is so true. so true. the fear, the faith, the fear, the faith. it will alternate. all who love you are filling the heavens on your behalf. we are blessed among women to have such support. muchlove!ReplyCancel
Amy, you are such an inspiration. You are such a strong momma. I think it's really brave to share this on the web, but in a way it helps us all be connected in a special way. A way that reminds us how we ALL go through challenges and we're not alone. you are NOT alone. You guys will be in our prays. We love you guys!
A – I'm so sorry for the heartache and that you have to go through this difficult time.
You two are amazing parents and I know that Beanie is going to be such an awesome big sister. I always looked for you for parenting advice when you were around because I could see what a great mom you are.
Your family is in our prayers. Good luck with all of the upcoming tests.
Big, big hug from NYC.ReplyCancel
Hi. It's Carri from the CFEC. Josie's Mom. I found your blog when looking at your playtents & thought I'd see what you were up to since I haven't seen you and P for while. My goodness Amy, my hearts goes out to you all. We'll be thinking about you. Obviously I don't know you very well, but it's very clear and that you are a strong and courageous woman and wonderful mother! Both of your girls are lucky to have you.
If you want to meet at the park one day with the girls when it warms up, we'd love to see you. We've been through some tough times lately too (our third miscarriage, this one after a year of trying & at 11 weeks preg) so I know the value of being around people who understand your situation. Be gentle with yourself and thanks for being so honest and so open. This sets such a powerful example for P.
Our blog has a tribute to our recent loss – http://www.threeschneiders.blogspot.com
Take care,
CarriReplyCancel
Amy,
Thank you for telling me about your blog. My heart goes out to you for this difficult experience you're going through. From the day I met you, I knew you were a strong, fun, tender-hearted woman and I know you will be the best mommy for little Lamp. I like her nick name too. She will be a little light for your family. Her sister had good insight when she named her that.
I hope you know I am praying for you and care about you a lot!ReplyCancel
I just found your blog tonight (I started reading Bree's blog a few months ago, so that's how I found you), and I have only had time to read a few posts so far, but I just wanted to say that I already love your blog You write so beautifully and honestly, I just love it. Both your girls are beautiful, and I am looking forward to reading more. xxReplyCancel
My name is Louisa Brown. I want to give thanks to DR Papa for bringing back my ex husband.No one could have ever made me believe that the letter I’m about to write would actually one day be written. I was the world’s biggest skeptic. I never believed in magic spells or anything like this, but I was told by a reliable source (a very close co-worker) that DR Papa is a very dedicated, gifted, and talented person,It was one of the best things I have ever done. My love life was in shambles. I had been through two divorces and was on the brink of a third. I just couldn't face another divorce, and I wanted to try harder to make our relationship work, but my husband didn’t seem to care. And he brake up with me again.I was confuse and do not KNOW what to do again,rather than to get in contact with DR Papa. He did a love spell that make my husband come back to me. We are now very much happy with ourself. DR Papa make him to realise how much we love and need each other.This man is for real and for good. He can also help you to fix your broken relationship. I had my husband back! It was like a miracle! He suddenly wanted to go to marriage counselling, and we’re doing very, very well,in our love life. Contact email: [email protected] or website on http://www.supremetemple.comReplyCancel
Hey, I'm Amy!
I'm an author, artist, and disability advocate. I live with my handsome husband and three beautiful daughters in Cincinnati, Ohio.
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I'll have to start reading that book. My degree in early childhood focused a lot on children with disabilties and it also runs in both sides of our families. Thanks for the reccomendation!
Have you heard of a poem titled "Holland"? I love this poem…it was one introduced to me in college.
http://users.erols.com/jmatts/welcome%20to%20holland.html
Our prayers and thoughts are continual. And I can't get the sound of "18 month old Beanie" saying "Ella and Paisey" out of my head. Love that sweet voice.
I definitely want to read that book.
Good luck with the testing. You guys are in our prayers.