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Party like it’s 1776 (+ free Hamilton Download)

Hi guys! I’ve been taking a very purposeful break as I’m striving to really live and be in the moment with my kids this summer. I know some of you have been missing the spotlight and other regular content (thanks for caring!) that being said it has been such a refreshing and wonderful change of pace for me let go of the blog for a bit. I’m still trying to get it cleaned up (some of you may have noticed some of the links and pages are looking a little janky these days) and I’m hoping to be a bit more regular around here in the fall, but for right now the occassional when-I-really-feel-like-it post feels great. You can always keep up with me on Instagram! XO Miggy
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Lamp turned 9 earlier this month and she decided that she wanted a roller skating party. She also wanted a Hamilton themed party. Now rollerskating and Hamilton don’t really seem to go together, but if you think about it, they still do not go together… like, at all. Not even a little bit. But nevertheless, she persisted.

The good news is the activity was all taken care of–roller skating. We had actually thought about having the party at our housed and discussed such amazing ideas as having nerf gun duels (definitely not something we felt comfortable doing at a kids’ party), having a red coat vs blue coats water balloon fight (technically still war themed, but felt a little less gun violence-y), and a lip sync contest which might have been amazing. But for a variety of reasons (mommy tired) we quickly supported the mixed-medium of a Hamilton themed roller skating party. Which meant the only things we really had to do were come up with some decorations and a fun party favor.
 
[readmore title= “Click here to read more about the Hamilton themed roller skating party!”]

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Notes From the Road

A few weeks ago I said to my husband, “I wonder what kind of mom I’d be if I weren’t a special needs mom?” What I meant was, that sometimes even the little extra effort of loading up a power chair (Is it charged? Is it loaded?), thinking about accessibility everywhere we go (Will the disability spots all be taken? Is the building/trail/play-scape be something all my kids can enjoy?), makes me a little more of a homebody mama than I’d like to be, than I used to be. Baby/toddler Lamp in a wheelchair was more portable and had more accessibility than big girl Lamp in a (300+ lb.) power chair. Am I adventurous enough? Do I let the lack of accessibility boss me around? Do I look at the road less traveled and more often than not think, I just don’t have the energy today?

I’ve been wanting to take a solo road trip with my girls for a few years now. (Not because we don’t want husband/dad to come, but because he doesn’t take that much time off in the summer. Summers are busy for the pediatric dental set.) The fact that he can’t come has been all the more motivation to do it–mostly to prove to myself that I could do it. The very specific nature of Lamp’s differences has always made me incredibly nervous to do a road trip with my girls alone as you can’t simply hand her a water bottle and some snacks because she doesn’t have “grabbing” hands. And we all know that food is key for road trip survival for anyone, most especially young kids. And again, the accessibility, the extra, that is special needs parenting. But here’s the kicker–in the vast world of special needs parenting, Lamp by comparison is not all that extra. Really, she requires little more than my other girls, which is why my original question kinda stung a little when I asked it outloud. Because the real question is, “Am I using our special needs family status as a cop-out?” (And this is why writing is so powerful…. I literally didn’t uncover this until just now as I wrote this out.) 

The answer: I don’t know for sure. But the opportunity/push for a solo road trip finally came this summer when Lamp was accepted into a camp for kids with Limb differences in Texas. Flying was an option, but with the cost of rental car vans and 3 plane tickets it didn’t make sense. Also, I wanted to drive. I wanted to hit the open road with my girls, listen to books on tape, watch field after empty field drag past and see all the interesting little sites scattered between the big cities. Our newer mobility van allows for Lamp to be right in the middle of everyone–just behind the driver and passenger seats, and in front of the last row. I can easily feed her finger foods if needed (it has been needed) and with the help of a new camelbak backpack we were able to make it so she could get a drink by herself, anytime.

Being a blogger + social media person in 2019 I’m very aware of all the wonderful resources out there to keep children occupied on a road trip aside from watching movies. I’ve seen road trip survival guides, passports, mileage countdown sticky notes, homemade travel sized games, etc. As the days kept creeping up to our departure date I had that little brain tickle that kept saying, “Are you going to make some travel kits or print off some sort of cute thing to make this memorable?” Then I finally I looked at my husband and said, “I keep thinking I need to do something more to prepare for the trip, but all I have to do is get in the car and drive right?”

Right. 
&nsbp;
[readmore title= “Click through to read more about the highlights of our summer road trip.”]

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Plungers and Toilet Brushes Can Be Pretty!

This post is in partnership with Full Circle. All opinions are my own. Thanks for supporting sponsors here at TLM!

I remember once reading a blog post wherein the question was posed, “What is one of the most important things to provide when guests are staying at your house?” The consensus? A plunger.

Yes! Of course. No one wants to have to ask their host for a plunger! Plungers, and I would add toilet brushes, are items you don’t really like to think or talk about, but boy are you sure glad they exist. And when you need one, YOU NEED ONE.

Plungers and toilet brushes are also top on the list of items you’re not really excited to shop for. I’m always looking for something a little more sleek and modern than the white plastic options in the cleaning isle, but I don’t want to spend a lot of money either. Also, why do the bristles on the toilet brushes have to be white? We all know they don’t stay white–gag–even when I soak it in bleach. Years ago I tried the disposable toilet brushes as it felt like the most sanitary option, but throwing out a brush head after just a single use was too wasteful. I’ve honestly been putting off purchasing plungers and toilet bowl brushes for the new house for months because I couldn’t find what I was looking for. Then Full Circle reached out to me asking if I would be interested in their new bathroom line and would it be a little over-the-top to say THESE ARE THE PLUNGERS AND TOILET BRUSHES OF MY DREAMS!!!  
 
[readmore title= “This is not a drill! Click here to read more about the prettiest products for your toilet bowl you ever did see!”]

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Spotlight Revisited || Stephen

Hi guys, Miggy here. When I don’t have a new spotlight I like to pull one from the archives and feature it again. This was one of the first spotlights I did from a siblings perspective back in 2014 and it has stayed with me over the years. Probably the line I remember most is when I asked Jessica how she felt about taking over as her brother’s caregiver one day and she said, “Thanks for asking this. No one ever has.” It’s such a great benefit to us parents to hear from adult siblings what could have been more helpful for them growing up. I hope you enjoy this spotlight as much as I did. It is SO GOOD. Enjoy and Happy Friday! XO
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Thank you so much for having me, Miggy. My name is Jessica; I am a wife, mother to 2 boys, and a daughter of the King. My brother, Steven, has cerebral palsy, epilepsy, and severe brain damage as a result of trauma during a careless delivery. Steven has a child like mentality and needs help with all the basics: eating, bathing, dressing.  A basic way to describe his mental understanding is he can write, but he can’t spell or read.  He can just barely write his name, but most can’t read it. He can follow simple directions. Emotionally, he is generally mild mannered but has a violent temper, and has no real understanding of emotions or how to control them. Physically, Steven has tonic-clonic (formerly called grad mal) and absence seizures, even with medication. His limbs turn in, he drags his right leg, and he is bent forward. He can speak and has good grasp on language. While he has had his disabilities since birth, Steven has declined rapidly in the past few years compared to the first 40.  He currently resides in an assisted living facility but my mother, who is 70, is still his primary care
giver. She has recently started including/training me in the many, many areas of his care from managing his medications to reporting to the judge on how he spends his SSI money.

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Miggy: Jessica, thank you so much for participating in my spotlight series. Today we’re talking about your brother who has cerebral palsy, epilepsy, and severe brain damage. I’m always glad to have a different perspective in our spotlight series, especially that of a sibling. You mentioned that your brother has cerebral palsy caused at birth by a careless delivery. Can you briefly share that story with us? What happened and how quickly did your parents realize your brother was going to have life long complications?

Jessica:  My brother was born in 1968, and according to my mother–whom I consider the authority on the matter–the doctor was drunk. Steven was born with the aid of forceps, common then and not unheard of now, but his head was squished. He had large, red and purple bruises on his head. Yet he was breathing unassisted, eating and had a normal heart rate; the doctor told my mother not to worry.  He was diagnosed with cerebral palsy at about 6 months old. The pediatrician then told my parents Steven would never walk, talk, etc., and recommended he be “institutionalized.” That doctor did not know my mother! That was not happening. But it was literally years before they knew the full extent of his injuries and what the complications would be. There was no indication of any problems during the pregnancy, my parents received no explanation and were offered little support from the medical community.
 
[readmore title= “Click through to read more about Stephen and his amazing family.”]

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My Favorite Things Lately

It’s been a while but I thought it was time for another installment of my favorite things as I’ve found so many things I’ve been loving lately! So here it is: something to wear, something to read, something to watch and something to eat. You can see the one, two, three, four and five here.  Enjoy! I’d love to hear some of your favorites in the comments below as well!
 
[readmore title= “Click through to see all my favorites as of late–Be sure to tell me yours as well!”]

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Special Needs Spotlight || Colton

Hi everyone, this is Colton, who just turned 5 years old in March. Colton is mischievous, loving, happy and happens to face quite a few extra challenges. We only recently learned that all of his symptoms were caused by an ultra rare genetic syndrome known as Bosch Boonstra Schaaf Optic Atrophy Syndrome. We entered a research study for Infantile Spasms when Colton was about a year old and in January we finally got a call. The crazy thing is that one of the doctors who helped discover and identify this syndrome happened to be in Houston for one week at the exact same time we got the call about the diagnosis. Dr. Christian Schaaf lives and works in Germany but lived and worked in Houston for many years and was here for meetings, etc and we were able to see him which was pretty incredible. Colton has two big sisters, Ella and Addy who are 10 and 9. Colton’s Dad is an assistant dean and entomologist at CSU and he is Colton’s favorite person! My name is Erin and I am a registered nurse and Colton’s parent CNA and organizer of ALL THE THINGS including 8 therapies a week, preschool drop off and pick up, IEP’S, etc.  Life is crazy busy but also very rich and rewarding in our family!

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Miggy: Welcome Erin, I’m so happy to feature your family and particularly your son Colton on the blog today! Can you take me back to the day you knew you found out Colton would have special needs? Do you remember how you felt? Can you compare those first thoughts and feelings with how you feel now?

Erin: Thank you so much for sharing our story! There wasn’t really one particular moment in time that we knew Colton would have special needs but I do remember that when he was about 2 months old I started to get really worried because he wasn’t meeting his milestones.  I remember being on the floor with him trying to do “tummy time” and he couldn’t lift his head up and I just had this sick feeling in my stomach. I was texting with a friend and I remember that I told her that I just knew something wasn’t right. The pediatrician wasn’t concerned just yet, but I was.

At his 4-month appointment she was concerned too and I remember sobbing in the exam room. She assured me it could just be a little delay and he might be just fine after some intervention, but I knew better. Somehow deep in my soul I knew there was something big going on. I remember thinking at that time that my biggest fear was coming to life before my eyes. I had always thought that I could handle a child with medical issues, being an RN, but my biggest fear was having a child with developmental and/or intellectual disabilities. I don’t know particularly WHY I was so afraid but I think it was because my experience with children or anyone with intellectual or developmental delays was so limited, as is the case for most people until they are smack dab in the middle of the special needs world. As more and more issues came up with Colton including a particularly grim diagnosis of Infantile Spasms I went into a deep dark hole. I did everything I needed to do for him, but there was no joy or enjoyment of his baby days. I regret that now, but it was literally all I could do to just put one foot in front of another and start putting everything in place that he needed and take care of my other children and work and have a marriage.

I’ve come a long way since then. I find joy in the little boy that I have, instead of only grieving that one I thought I would have. I celebrate every little thing he accomplishes and I advocate and fight for him to be the very best he can be. Now, I won’t lie and say I don’t feel sad sometimes, or grieve the things he won’t or can’t do. I know some special needs moms who say they wouldn’t change their child, I’m not one of those moms. I would love to see him not struggle for every little inch stone. I’d love to see him play soccer with all the little boys on the street. I’d love to not spend hours and hours a week taking him to therapy instead of to play dates, or sports or any of the things typical kids are doing. However, I’m learning to find the joy and the blessings that come with raising him. I’ve met incredible people I would have never known otherwise, other special needs moms, doctors, providers. I’m helping other moms navigate the “system” and that brings me incredible joy and satisfaction. So, I’d say I’ve come a long way but I’ve got a ways to go and I really don’t know how my thoughts and feelings will change and evolve but I do know I love him fiercely and I know that he is in our lives for a reason and I see more and more how he has changed our lives and so many lives all around him.

Miggy: Your son Colton has a very rare genetic disorder called, Bosch Boonstra Schaaf Optic Atrophy Syndrome or BBSOAS. Could you please educate us about this syndrome and explain how it is manifest in Colton and how his needs affect your day-to-day life?  

Erin: BBSOAS is a mutation or deletion of the NR2F1 gene located on the 5th Chromosome.  There are only about 110 people in the world with a confirmed diagnosis, although there are probably more out there who have not been identified. The is a spectrum of impact even within the small affected population. Common characteristics are optic atrophy (or optic nerve hypoplasia), developmental delay/intellectual disability. Many PSOAS individuals also experience infantile spasms and/or other forms of epilepsy. Many have CVI (cortical visual impairment) and Autism is also a comorbid diagnosis for many. Other interesting commonalities include a high pain tolerance, a strong love of music and a lack of tears.  Colton has most of these, other than an Autism diagnosis.

The myriad of symptoms/diagnoses affect our everyday lives in many ways. Colton is considered to be legally blind and as such we have had to make many adjustments in our home as well as places he commonly goes, such as school. Visual clutter must be minimized, he needs visual cues such as a bright yellow edge painted or taped on a step so he can see the edge.  He also has found ways to adapt, such as scooching on his bottom and feeling with his toes to determine how far a ledge drops off. He does wear glasses that he loves to toss out the minivan door as it slides closed. A pair or two have met their death, and I joke that I spend 80% or my day worried about where his glasses are. Colton’s seizures have been under control for a few years but we live with the constant worry just under the surface that today could be the day they return. Colton is quite delayed and requires much more care than a typical child his age. I quit a full time job to be his primary caregiver. Thankfully in Colorado I am able to be paid to be his CAN which has been a lifesaver for us. I do work outside the home a bit as a registered nurse and I’m thankful for a chance to use my brain and education in a different way and connect with adults who are not Colton’s providers! We also have two older typical kids and it is difficult to bring Colton to gym meets and soccer matches because he does not sit still and has an incredibly short attention span. We often have to get someone to care for him so we can attend their events. This adds quite a lot of expense to everything they do. We also can’t take him to a movie or things like that which is sometimes hard because we’d love to do some things as a whole family that we just can’t do with him.
 
[readmore title= “Click here to keep reading about Colton… you won’t want to miss the funny pantless story!”]

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Life is Good

Life is good.
Not always. Not for everyone at this moment.
But for me and my family right now, life is so very good.

It feels good in the big ways–I feel both mentally and physically healthy, my family is healthy, my husband’s work is good, I love the work I’m currently doing, our kids are doing well, they’re happy and they spend many of their hours together as friends and sisters.

And life feels good in the little ways too. For example, yesterday morning we had an appointment that I needed to take all the girls to and about 10 minutes before we needed to leave I was doing the requisite”Everyone get your shoes on, head out toward the car…” mom rally-cry expecting the typical lallygagging and dilly-dallying because children. I was putting the dog in his pen and gathering up my purse and protein shake while still calling out, “Girls? Are you moving? Are you ready?”with no reply. I absentmindedly remember hearing the sound of the front door opening and closing and assumed they were out front running around. When I opened the door to the garage all the girls were sitting in the car, with their seatbelts on while big sister was teaching Lamp math. MMMMAAAATTTHHH.

Also, let me point out that while it’s not a big deal for my bookends (Big sister and Zuzu)to be in their seats and buckled, Lamp had to be carried by her big sister to the car, placed into her chair and then belted in twice (wheelchair seat belt + car seat belt). Check and check. AND THEN BIG SISTER PROCEEDED TO TEACH HER WILLING LITTLE SISTER MATH. Long division if you must know. Curiouser and curiouser.

My second example came from my recent trip to NYC where I attended Book Expo for the first time as a published author and had a signing. (With a line.) Yes I used to live in NYC so it’s not a complete mystery to me, but even so the city just kept unfolding itself to me in the most generous ways. I didn’t plan to be in certain areas of the city, but suddenly I’d realize where I was, look around and say, “Oh look… there is the Highline… I might as well go see it.” And on the way to the Highline I looked over at some interesting Galleries and thought, “Oh, I might as well check out these art galleries while I’m here…” and I’d wander into a couple galleries I hadn’t planned for, but were right there nonetheless. My friend and I went to a movie one day and as we left the theatre, we walked in the general direction of nowhere-in-particular and eventually made it to Momofuko Milk Bar where we stocked up on treats and then I walked her to work. After she left I realized I was close to the MoMA and just my luck, it was their once-a-month free Friday night.
 
[readmore title= “Click through to read a little update on my life right now.”]

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Hey, I'm Amy!

I'm an author, artist, and disability advocate. I live with my handsome husband and three beautiful daughters in Cincinnati, Ohio.

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