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Over the past decade or so, I have seen a general shift that tells me that we understand and/or have more compassion for the human condition than perhaps ever before. For one, mental illness… while there is certainly a lot of stigma around mental illness we know it’s an ILLNESS. And as many varieties of physical conditions that exist, the same goes for mental conditions. Some can be treated, some can’t. The point is, we have a better grasp of what it means to have a mental illness than ever before and collectively, we are more accepting, more aware and hopefully more compassionate and understanding.
I also notice this same sort of open-minded-compassion for a person’s value being separated from their productivity. Now maybe you don’t hear this a lot–I don’t know–the input you’re getting depends on what shows you watch, what podcasts or books you listen to, what books or articles you read, and even who you follow on social media. So again, this is the input I hear often and it goes something like this: “You are OK exactly where you are. You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone. You’re value has nothing to do with your productivity/grades/job/achievements. Wherever you are in your life right now is where you are meant to be.” Which is good–I think all of those things are good.
These things seem to be very in line with a lot of discussion of being present, living your life with intention and overall mindfulness. Again, all good things.
BUT I have often quietly wondered, “OK, but where does it stop?” While I can agree 100% that a person–any person–has intrinsic value beyond measure simply for existing, and that they don’t need to prove their worth to anyone, I also think that if that same person were to simply sit around all day basking in their eternal worth and not actually DO something with their one wild and precious life, I’d think, “Well that was a waste.”
Now of course we all have periods of our life where we are simply treading water and surviving one day to the next is enough. I’m not talking about that. And for some people who have severe mental illnesses, physical illnesses or other extenuating circumstances, I’m not talking about them either. There are always exceptions. And again I’m not saying that I disagree with the idea of a person having eternal worth. I say it often, to myself and others. However, can a person’s value be entirely separated from their work, their actions and whatever they choose to put out into the world?
For some reason when I start going down a mental rabbit hole trying to solve this conundrum of intrinsic value vs. achievement value I often think about Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys. If you’ve seen the movie Love and Mercy (which I highly recommend) then you know a little about his life. He was the genius behind the Beach Boys, specifically their album Pet Sounds which is still widely regarded as one of the most influential and best albums of all time. He was merely 23 years old when he created that brilliant piece of art. But then he got sick–from drugs and alcohol, emotional baggage and more. I’m forgetting all sorts of details here so forgive me, but jumping to the point there was a period in his life where he didn’t get out of bed for 2 years. (At least that’s how the movie portrays it. Other sources talk about a longer stretch of time, and some say he did get out of bed, but rarely.) He eventually got help, he got better and started making music again.
And while no compassionate person faults him for his reclusive years–mental illness is no joke–he is celebrated for the things he did–the art he brought into the world, the music he made. And of course people are happy for him because he was sick and he got better–no one wants to be unwell. But I have to wonder if he had gotten better and decided not to make music anymore, would his story have been labeled a tragedy because of what he stopped doing. Because people found value in the accomplishment, the music. Him too… but we can’t all know him, but we can all know his music. It seems very hard to separate someone like him from the art he created.
I think I’m taking a detour. What I’m saying, is that while I do think that our intrinsic value as a person never goes away, I also think that what we do, what we create has a direct connection to who we are and who we become. And while our actions or inaction will never detract from our worth, I certainly think that if we were to sit around knowing our worth and never doing anything with our capabilities, well… I don’t see that as positive. Ha! But that’s the very thought that jacks so many of us up. I need to do more, accomplish more, be more. But this is the complexity of it all for me.
The truth is we celebrate achievement. Sometimes for bad reasons (name a Kardashian–although they still have infinite worth!) and sometimes for good reasons like Martin Luther King Jr. or Oprah. The tricky part of this whole equation for me is not the question of someone’s value/worth, but rather why and how we celebrate their accomplishments, and how we celebrate those from the person themselves.
Right now I’m envisioning a 20 dollar bill sitting on the mantle of my fireplace. If it stays there for the next 50 years it will still be worth $20 dollars. How much it can buy over time will likely change, but not the actual amount. It will always be worth $20. All it has to do is be there and exist. It just has to BE.
But if I take that same $20 and use it to feed my family, it becomes a tool for sustenance and survival. Or maybe I take it to go buy a book, which in turn feeds my mind and educates me. Or maybe I donate it to a shelter or survivors of a natural disaster. Maybe I invest it, and watch it grow into more $20 bills. So in that sense, does the worth of the $20 bill expand? Maybe our worth never diminishes, but maybe it can expand?
Or maybe, it’s not our worth that expands. But rather, maybe it is having the capacity to be made of such fine things that at any moment could go out and impact the world in a million different ways is what makes us so freaking valuable. It’s like we are these eternal generators of energy and power that can be tapped into at any time for any infinite number of wants and needs and that is where the value lies.
So while the doing gets all the praise, it is the being where the value lies. And while I don’t recommend a life of sitting around basking in your BE-ingness, the fact that you’re out there at all–you being you–is the magic. That is the miracle. And of course doing looks vastly different from person to person, and at varying times of their lives. Babies can’t do much except give and receive love. Perhaps the same is true of certain people with specific disabilities, or certain people as they age and decline in health. But still the value never changes.
So why do? While it may not ever alter your value when you go out and DO, it certainly ads value to the world. Or detracts from it. (You can be a generator of energy and power that is used for good, or one that is used for bad. Still a marvelous generator of energy and power). Doing will not add to/take away from your value, but it can add to your world view, knowledge, experience, love, happiness, pain, sorrow, and joy.
I don’t know if this was helpful for anyone else, but it was a little for me. I honestly wish it was still a little more clear, but in some ways it is. Anyone else struggle with these concepts and how to fit them nicely together? What are some of the conundrums you’re trying to figure out in your own life?
