Did You go to Your High School Runion?

Last weekend my husband and I attended his 20 year high school reunion and man was there a lot to chew on after the fact.

First I had a lot of fun. People kept asking me how I was doing–like in a “how are you holding up?” sort of way–but I loved it! I love talking to people and getting to know people who knew my husband way back when. Yes, I was definitely in supportive spouse mode, and there were awkward pauses and times when I sat at the table for a little iphone break, but overall I had a great time. I’d met a couple of my husband’s close friends from high school before, but still I hadn’t seen them in years. (His highschool BFF married a girl I knew in college, so it’s fun to have that connection.) Another close friend is his high school girl friend, who also dated the same BFF. Later, when she started dating the guy she eventually married, my husband and his BFF became friends with him as well, so it was fun seeing them all together! Ha!

Of course I was reminded of my high school reunion. Unfortunately I missed my 20th (for me and my husband’s 10 year anniversary actually) but we went to my 10th when we were engaged. It was great seeing old friends and sharing our crazy stories (like the time I told my parents I was in the mountains for the weekend, but I was actually road tripping to Kansas) connecting with acquaintances and seeing what and where everyone was up to. There was no drama, just a fun evening. My 10 year was fun, but looking back 28 is still so young! By 20 years it seems that so much more has happened in our collective lives. Marriage, kids, adoption, divorce, death, careers, career changes, big moves, and more life experience. I’m really hoping we’ll have a 25th!

While witnessing this reunion as a spectator more than a participant, I saw lots of hugging and laughing as people sifted through memories. Even the most mundane memories (Remember we were locker partners freshman year? Who was our teacher for such and such? We didn’t hang out a lot but we had a lot of classes together.) float up to the surface and the shared experience of two people remembering an event, a person, a thing from 20 years ago is bonding. They were there. They were pixels in the collective image of your high school experience. I witnessed head shaking in disbelief as people said, “Oh my gosh, that dude hasn’t changed a bit.” (Mostly referring to one guy who could have used an updated 2019 memo on what constitutes sexual assault–yes hitting men in the crotch and tapping women’s breasts was never OK, but definitely not now. Sigh.) Other people hadn’t changed for the better–“She’s still the same big-hearted girl she always was.” And yet some people did change. I was witness to an apology 20+ years in the making and while it was all “water under the bridge” it seemed to be a relief for both parties nonetheless. A moment of owning ones past (and still present) insecurities is definitely a sign that people have matured since high school.

High school sometimes gets blown off as an insignificant part of life. Like no one wants to peak in high school–I get it–and thus there seems to be this idea that if you put too much weight on your high school experience, perhaps you were too wrapped up in all the drama of it all–too shallow and too affected. “Move on… that was high school.” Or maybe the idea of saying you enjoyed high school makes you seem like an Uncle Rico who can’t move past it and wants to relive “he glory days over and over.  It seems that for some people, going to their high school reunion would be viewed as a waste of time. Either something people need to let go of already or something that you did your best to simply survive and have no desire to revisit. I can understand both or these stances, depending on the situation as well.

Obviously not everyone feels this way, but I frequently catch a glimpse of that. Like high school was just one big eye roll. And it some ways yes. High school is RIDICULOUS. A dramatized, microcosmic replica of the worlds social/power structures in all their stupidity and glory. And we see these ridiculous social structures played out in high school movies again and again, from Napoleon Dynamite to Pretty in Pink to Clueless to The Breakfast Club to Carrie to She’s All That to Never Been Kissed and to the very date-rape-y 16 Candles.

But you were still you, and 16 year old you is just as important as 5 year old you, as 25 year old you and current you. Our high school selves and the silliness and drama aren’t to be negated just because we were really immature pretend grown-ups running amok. That’s part of the process of growing up. It’s valid. Isn’t it? For better or for worse these years shaped you. High school is like Adult Prep Academy. No one is good at adulting right out of the gate, but after high school most of us become decently passable.

Did you go to your high school reunion? How was it? Did it live up to expectations or was it a let down? When you look back on your high school experience what stands out to you? If you didn’t go to your high school reunion, why? Do you regret it?