A Sunday Sermon on a Monday

I was asked to give a talk in my church’s Sacrament meeting a few weeks ago and after the meeting quite a few people came up and told me that my talk resonated with them, some even asking for a copy. So I thought I’d post what I said today in case it might also resonate with you. I also thought it might be interesting for some people to read who are curious about what a Sunday talk at a Mormon/Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saint church might look and sound like. We have no paid clergy, and instead of a Preacher/Rabbi/Priest giving a sermon, different members of the congregation–even the youth–rotate giving talks each week. I realize that I don’t post as much religious content here as I used to, and that has been a conscious choice. That being said, it was also a conscious choice to post this today. I am open to comments and questions about my beliefs, but I ask that you remain respectful, which is typical for TLM readers. Thank you. Keep in mind that this is what I had written down, but I also ad libbed quite a bit.

Using the Atonement of Jesus Christ to increase Self Worth  (the topic I was assigned)

As I was pondering this talk and this topic over the past few weeks I kept coming back to the Young Women. As a women, who was formerly young, I know all about the trappings that are set for us to CONSTANTLY question our worth. Some of these trappings I experienced as a YW included:

–Media—magazines, commercials and music videos which often depicted a narrow view of what a woman should look like
–School cliques and social circles.
–Media that depicted what romantic relationships that were a little less than ideal. When I was in 8^thgrade I absolutely loved the most recent Disney, film A Little Mermaid. What I didn’t fully realize at the time was that the movie was about a girl running away from home, completely abandoning her family and selling her single most important tool—her VOICE—for a guy she had never even talked to. That movie is messed up.
–Grades and colleges. Yes, even being “smart” and academically successful can be a huge problem if we equate our IQ to our worth.

Many of the trappings I experienced as a young woman are the same as what the YW face today, but now they have the added pressures of the internet and social media.  Please understand, I use both daily—I don’t think social media is inherently bad. Like many things in life, it is how you use it.

And now that I’m an adult many of those same trappings that are designed to make young women question their worth are still present.  And they continue for many women even as we age.

But there is something MORE that all of us—no matter in what ways we question our worth—experience. See even as I’ve done my best to work through traditional ideas of self-esteem and have learned to embrace my worth and value beyond shallow ideals, the question that I think can plague any girl or woman (and man for that matter!) is : Am I good enough?

And the word that closely aligns with this idea is the word “perfection.”

First it’s our bodies. We diet, we paint our faces, we dye our hair, straighten our teeth, wear body shaping undergarments, use botox, get plastic surgery and try every kind of trendy exercise routine humankind can think of. Anyone remember Tae Bo?

And then many of us move on to being a wife and mother and the expectations of what a “perfect” version of those look like. Besides loosing the baby weight in record time, she is always patient, kind and nurturing. These days the perfect mother either co-sleeps with her baby OR sleep trains the baby to make sure he/she can sleep through the night by 3 months old, ensuring that no matter which way she looks at it, she’s doing it wrong. She plays games that stimulate the baby’s emotional intelligence, makes organic baby food and home cooked meals every night, and she is always ready for quality (wink, wink) time with her husband because the perfect  wife and mother is never too tired.

Next and most importantly, is the perfect Latter-day Saint woman. Her ministering is always done, as is her Come Follow Me Study guide and a smile is always on her face. And it doesn’t matter how many children you have or what stage of life you’re in of course you will be the Relief Society/Young Women’s President, the bishops/stake presidents/mission presidents wife or what have you because if our ancestors could cross the plains barefoot with a baby strapped to their back, the least we could do is happily accept and magnify our callings without a single word of complaint.

And this is to say nothing of single mothers, working mothers, single women and women without children.

Externally, internally, professionally, domestically, emotionally or spiritually the looming question is AM I GOOD ENOUGH?

I would argue that the Saviors response would be a resounding YES.
How can that be? “Be ye therefore perfect, even as I am perfect.” He said. But I’m NOT perfect and He told me to BE perfect.

From the talk Becoming Perfect in Christ by Elder Gong: “Understanding the Savior’s freely given atoning love can free us from self-imposed, incorrect, and unrealistic expectations of what perfection is. Such understanding allows us to let go of fears that we are imperfect—fears that we make mistakes, fears that we are not good enough, fears that we are a failure compared to others, fears that we are not doing enough to merit His love.

The Savior’s freely given atoning love helps us become more forgiving and less judgmental of others and of ourselves. This love heals our relationships and gives us opportunities to love, understand, and serve as our Savior would. His atoning love changes our concept of perfection.”

I love that. Jesus Christ’s perfect and eternal Atonement is NOT to be used as a weapon against us in our efforts to improve and grow.

What I struggled with in this talk was sticking with the idea of how to we USE the atonement to help us with this? But then I thought, how do we USE the atonement of Jesus Christ to do anything?

Prayer, repentance, study, pondering, forever trying to align our will with His. Even thought what I’m going to share are thoughts, it will be up to you to decide how these thoughts and ideas will translate into how to use the Atonement to increase self worth.

#1. Recognize who the Atonement is for:
I have seen some beautiful sights in my life—we were just in Utah and whenever we’re there it’s hard not to be constantly drawn to the mountains.  I lived in Hawaii in my early 20’s and fell in love with the ocean and lush Hawaiian landscape. I have hiked gorgeous mountainsides with beautiful waterfalls and I’ve swam with sharks and scuba dived in the South Pacific. The earth is AMAZING, filled with beautiful creatures and landscapes that sometimes leave us breathless. As amazing as these things are, Jesus did not preform the Atonement for the mountains, or the oceans, or the Grand Canyon or even Mt. Everest.  He preformed the Atonement for YOU. For US.

CS Lewis said, “It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or the other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them that we should conduct all of our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal.”

#2. Comparison is Futile.
It does nothing and gets us no where. When we compare ourselves to others we either become proud because we are doing so much better than them (or so we think) or we become depressed because we are falling short (or so we think.)

So I have these two planters I keep on the kitchen island. One I bought from a local plant store and it’s made from a local ceramicist whose work I really love. The planter was thrown on a potters wheel and the piece is perfectly symmetrical, the glaze is even and smooth and you can tell this is a piece that was made by someone with many years of experience.

The other planter was made by my youngest daughter who is 5. It was carefully pinched and pieced together with the earnest hands of a beloved daughter who was making me a present for mothers day. I love the tilt of the planter and the many beautiful colors she chose to decorate it with. Because I know the little hands that made that planter, and the effort and love with which it was created, despite what others may see as imperfections, I only see beauty, effort, sincerity and hard work.

The beauty of one planter, has nothing to do with the beauty of another.

In his talk Wrestling With Comparisons by BYU professor, JB Haws, he shares a story from Elder Packer that further exemplifies this idea:

I needed a new assistant and had prayed much about the matter. I then called zone conferences, where I met and interviewed every missionary, always with the thought in my mind, “Is this the man?” The answer finally came: “This is the man.” He was appointed. He had been permitted to come on a mission only after some considerable shaping up to become eligible.

After the announcement one of the zone leaders came to see me privately. He came from the same community in the West as did the new assistant. He was obviously disturbed. His first question was, “Do you really know the elder you have appointed as your assistant?”

“Yes, Elder. I know all that you know about him, and a good deal more,” was my answer.

“Why, then, was he appointed your assistant?”
I pondered for a moment and then said, “Elder, why don’t you ask the question that you came to ask?”
“What do you mean?”
“Ask the question that is really on your mind,” I encouraged.
“But I did,” he said.
“No,” I said. “There is another question. The thing that is on your mind is not ‘Why did you appoint him as your assistant’; it is ‘Why did you not appoint me?’”

Now please understand. I thought his unexpressed question to be a very logical and sensible one. . . .

. . . I had sympathy for this young man and admired him greatly for his courage to speak.

“If you should ask why you were not chosen,” I said, “I would have to answer, ‘I do not know, Elder.’ I only know that he was chosen. Perhaps he may fail. But at least I know he is the one with the combination of talents and ability and qualities best calculated to get done what the office needs at the moment.

“This is no reflection upon you. You may yet preside over him and many above him. You may be his bishop or his stake president. You may preside over the Church. I do not know. But his call is no reflection upon you. Do not be injured by it.

“Go back to work and serve the Lord. Sustain him,” I counseled. “Your contest is not with him but with yourself.”⁶

Quick mention of disability not being used as a tool for comparison. “Inspiration Porn” as they say. Disability is a normal part of life and is not inherently sad, wrong or undesirable. It is filled with color, variance and is simply another way to exist in the world. Comparison that makes us feel good about ourselves, which is often aimed at those with disabilities, is no better than comparison that makes us feel bad about ourselves.

#3. As we recognize our worth we are able to increase our light, and thus reflect more accurately the light of our Savior.

Last year I taught a lesson to our YW that was based around the lyric of a song I like. “Don’t be a hard rock when you really are a gem.” The young women and I made a list of the difference between Hard Rocks vs. Gems. Gems are harder, prettier, shinier, more valuable, they’re more rare, they’ve been cut and shaped and polished, they’re more beautiful and THEY HAVE AN ABILITY TO REFLECT LIGHT

How can we be more Gem-like? Reflect light and truth? It starts with knowing your worth. How do you treat yourself and how do you treat others when you know your worth?  I know it may sound a little funny to answer the question of “how do you use the Atonement of Jesus Christ to increase your self worth?” by saying “recognize your self worth” but I do believe it can start with that. As the scripture in D+C 50:24 reads, “That which is of God is light. And he that receiveth light and continueth in God receiveth more light. And that light growth brighter and brighter until the perfect day.”

One of the more powerful examples of this in my life was my best friend’s mom growing up—Sister Baer. Sister Baer was a light-filled being. She was kind and always smiling and easy to be around. She lifted others up and always made me feel welcome. Maybe because I was around her so often I didn’t think much of it, until one day…. I worked at the Gap in high school and one day Sister Baer came into the store. As she looked around, she chatted with me and another co-worker. I wasn’t around the entire time she was speaking with my co-worker, but when Sister Baer left, my friend and co-worker Kate came up to me and said, “Who was that?” I explained that was Sister Baer—she was my friends mom and she belonged to our church. Kate went on to say how she just felt so drawn to her, that she had never met anyone like Sister Baer. “What is that?” Kate asked? “I just want to sit at her feet and be in her presence.” I told Kate she should come to church with me sometime, but she didn’t take me up on the offer. But I’ve never forgotten Kate’s reaction to coming into contact with someone who reflected so much light as Sister Baer.

The end. 
I hope this was helpful or that someone found something they needed to hear today. At the very least, perhaps it was an interesting read for you not of my faith.