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Brigham Young University alumna Sidney Draughon (center) flew in from New York to join a protest against the Honor Code Office. Kelsie Moore/KUER. Source.
Back in my college days at BYU some guy friends I knew made t-shirts that said “Get Honor.” They weren’t the overly righteous kind so when pressed about it they explained, “get honor… get on her... get it?” Haha, good times guys. I actually probably did laugh since it was a rather covert way to give a wink and a nod to BYU’s notoriously strict honor code.
Recently BYU and their honor code, or more specifically their Honor Code Office, have been getting a lot of attention in the press and I’d like to talk about that today. For fellow alumni or other members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints I think this will be an interesting and eye opening conversation. For people not of our faith I think you will be like WHAT IN THE HOLY GEE GALL IS EVEN HAPPENING I DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS ON ANY LEVEL? And you will not be wrong.
When you agree to go to BYU, whether you are a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints or not, you agree to live by BYU’s honor code. Among the rules are some of the obvious biggies like no drinking, no smoking, no doing drugs, no pre-marital sex, but the honor code takes it even further and you also agree not to let any member of the opposite sex in your bedroom (which they may have to re-think now that there is a rising and visible LGBT community on campus), no tank tops, shorts or skirts above the knee(either on or off campus) and men have to be clean shaven–that’s right no beards even. (Unless you somehow score a coveted beard card. Do they still have those? And no I’m not making this up.) There was also a curfew of when members of the opposite sex needed to be out of our apartment and I’m sure some other rules I’m forgetting but this is the gist of the honor code.
Like it or not, these are the rules and if you want to go to a great school where you can get an excellent education that is HIGHLY subsidized by tithing from members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints, then you gotta play by the rules. (Current undergraduate tuition at BYU for a church member is less than 6K for TWO semesters. For a non-member less than 12K.) Each year you have an “ecclesiastical interview” with your Bishop that must be signed to ensure you’re still in good standing with ol’ Brigham’s honor code.
But here’s the thing… I didn’t know anyone, and I mean ANYONE that never broke one or more rules of the honor code. Being in a member of the opposite sex’s bedroom was a given. Wearing tank tops off campus? Yep. For me, and for many other devout members of the church, I saw a big different between say drinking or having pre-marital sex (things that go against the Church’s standards as a whole) vs. some of these smaller things like not going in my boyfriend’s bedroom or wearing a tank top (things that while perhaps frowned upon in certain circles, certainly aren’t against Church-wide rules.) Still for the sake of truth I would tell my Bishop’s about being in boys’ bedrooms and I was never seriously reprimanded or made to feel bad about it and never did any suggest I go to the honor code and report myself thank goodness.
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The past couple of weeks BYU’s Honor Code office has been in the spotlight as students privately share their experiences with the Honor Code Office on an Instagram account called Honor Code Stories. This account was created by one alum, Sidney Draughon, who wanted to share her story and suddenly other stories started pouring in. Within just a couple of weeks they have over 35,000 followers and plenty of media attention. They are on a mission NOT to change the Honor Code, but to change the Honor Code Office and how it conducts their business. These stories are BONKERBALLS and so out of line with anything resembling a Christian/LDS view of repentance and grace. These are stories filled with shaming tactics, a culture that encourages people to report on their friends and even crazy witch hunts conducted by the office–calling roommates, friends and co-workers. It reminds me of the Gestapo.
Now I realize that many of you who do not share my faith believe A LOT of our practices to be bonkerballs. Perhaps these stories seem like “Well what do you expect? from a highly patriarchal church known for their strict beliefs and unfriendly views on LGBT issues, etc.” Yes it is a common practice to confess our serious misdeeds to our Bishop’s (much like the Catholic confession, except you know… different) and yes that is awkward and difficult. Like many women of my generation I do not agree with how these “worthiness” interviews are conducted and I truly hope we change this practice as I believe these interviews are ripe circumstances for abuse. That being said, they’ve been a part of my whole life and I’ve only ever had good experiences. So yes, I get that some of our practices will already feel dated, uncomfortable, strange, etc. But please know that the stories being described are crossing lines that even the most naive and trusting Molliest of Mormons would recognize. Some of the stories that stand out the most:
A woman who was sexually assaulted, not believed and then later–oops sorry, we do believe you.
The HCO accused this man of sinning in the future and outed him to his employer.
Don’t worry, they’ll go after adjunct facility members too.
A lot of these stories tell consistent tales pf being made to write out your story on a computer in front of a complete and total stranger.
Also many people sharing the same experience of having to share private sexual experiences in much greater detail than when confessing to their Bishop.
Apparently even campus Bishops are widely known for completely disregarding the Honor Code Office.
Those are just a few of the stories. Of course some of them could be made up–make sure you click on the first link I shared as that one shows actual documentation–but even if just a fraction of these stories are true, this is absolutely horrifying and out of control.
As an alumni and current member of the Church I ask that these practices cease immediately. There should be a full investigation of the Honor Code office and how it is run. Students who felt they were unfairly kicked out of school should be allowed to appeal and return to school (if they even still want to). In short, the whole office should be burned to the ground and they should start from scratch.
I appreciate that these students don’t want to get rid of the honor code, but rather are demanding reform of the Honor Code Office and how they conduct themselves. However it seems to me that a lot of these rules should be reconsidered. Now that we have a lot more LGBT students coming out, it doesn’t seem like that rule is going to be less effective if the idea is that we keep those who are sexually attracted to each other out of bedrooms so they don’t have actual sex. (Nevermind the fact that you can have sex in places other than bedrooms.) What is the role of an honor code and more importantly what is the role of an honor code office? Shouldn’t an honor code be a personal commitment based on a person’s own honor? Having an office with the power to expel students with absolutely zero evidence is a horrible idea. Creating a culture where people are encouraged to tattle on each other is a horrible idea as you give people the power to weaponize the honor code to get people in trouble, even expelled for minor infractions or things they didn’t even do.
I would like to see the Honor Code office completely obliterated and then rebuilt from the ground up. Is there ever a reason that a student should have to type up their “sins” (or sexual assaults????) in front of a complete stranger so that a room full of other complete strangers can decide if this person deserves to continue to go to school? Especially when these transgressions have already been addressed and cleared by a bishop? Is there ever a reason that a person should be coerced into a confession or tricked into coming into the office for one offense only to be pressed to confess for other real or imagined offenses? Is there ever a reason that a woman should have to decide between reporting a sexual crime or worrying that she might not be believed? (Yes I know there have been some strides made by the title IX office, but clearly this is still an issue.) Is there ever a reason that an office should be calling friends, roommates and co-workers to spy and get information on a student? Is there ever a reason a person’s whole future should be thrown out for one mistake, even if serious? I honestly don’t see a reason for any of it. The honor code itself should certainly exist, but I believe it should only uphold standards that apply to all church members everywhere. I don’t think college age kids and young adults should be so regulated as to feel that they can’t learn from and make their own choices.
I’m so curious to hear your thoughts. Former and current BYU students what do you think? Are you as shocked as I was? (I had 0 experience with the Honor Code office and didn’t know anyone who did either.) Or does this not surprise you at all? Frankly I’m not even going to listen to the “how do we know these aren’t all made up?” argument as I simply am not going to stand here and call people who have been violated liars. It’s 2019, we listen to powerless victims when they speak up against power hungry institutions. And for any non-members out there, I’d love to hear your thoughts. If you have any sharp jabs to throw at our church or those of us who are still members I encourage you to remember that for many of us it is a complicated relationship. I liken it to a family–you may know your family is not perfect, maybe even really jacked up in some ways, but you love them anyways.
It is refreshing to hear people speak out against the transgressions of their church. One of the biggest issues I have with organized religion is the rug sweeping and protections clergy and laypeople alike offer the Church when it is wrong. When someone speaks up and says “I love my church/religion, but THIS IS WRONG AND NEEDS TO CHANGE,” little by little, I feel my faith in people – and my faith in PEOPLE OF FAITH – rebuilding. So, bravo. Seriously.
I’m not a BYU alum but I am a member of the Church. It is hard to see this going on. One thing I can’t seem to get out of my mind is that the young adult population are some of the most vulnerable in the church. They are trying to figure out their paths and testimonies during this time. Some stray from the teachings of the church during this time. Hearing these stories makes me ache thinking about how these horrific experiences with the HCO can have such a devastating impact on their testimony of the church. These can lead them away from the Gospel and what the HCO is doing is not in line with Gospel teachings at all in my opinion. This doesn’t show Christlike love and compassion, which is what they need if they do come in to try and honor the honor code. One of the stories that really impacted me was the bishop sharing how the HCO wanted them to report students and other nonsense. Why would any youth trust their bishop if they knew this was ever a possibility? I have so many other thoughts and feelings but it’s hard to put in words. Things need to change!
I was raised in a conservative Christian household and went to a small Bible college after high school and so many of these stories could be straight from there…many of the expectations/rules are almost exactly the same. We had “ushers” at my school who were hand selected students (who appeared extra righteous) to monitor other students. They would gladly shame students they didn’t feel we’re up to par, judge them on their appearances, and in general would report the smallest infractions to the office. Then there was the male student who was a practical joker and decided to wear a woman’s dress on the last day of school before summer break and was forced to endure 6 months of intensive counseling to ensure he wasn’t displaying homosexual tendencies lest he be expelled…I still feel ill over knowing this happened to someone just based on the fear he might be gay. Clearly no acceptance or love there. I left disillusioned and feeling like that experience was such a poor reflection of the God I knew. It feels like some people cannot handle any amount of power without it killing some of their humanity and decency. Also there are so many organized religions that have so many restrictions it’s impossible to ever live up to them, so they set people up to fail. I stopped going to church for this very reason. I know not all are like that, but I also know too many that are. I believe that God cares more about how we love each other, show kindness to others, and make all feel welcomed. It’s tough…hopefully some good will come of this and I feel so much respect for the students sharing their stories.
My husband attended BYU and the Honor Code chafed me (rules just for the sake of rules? Nope.) My husband, though, never had an issue with it. He doesn’t have a problem following rules (not like his rebel wife 😉 ). I asked him about the current conversation and his reply was, “We all knew it was there and joked about getting called in. But no one I knew ever did. So we followed the rules and made sure we were clean shaven.” I agree that the office needs to be torn down and rebuilt — no victim should ever be afraid of reporting a crime because of a bunch of college admins acting like a religious Gestapo.
I went to an evangelical college, so some of the rules are familiar (no drinking or premarital sex), but the elements of stifling legalism and daily control (dress code, encouragement of tattling, horrific office) aren’t, though I know they happen at fundamentalist/more conservative Christian colleges. In general we were just expected to abide by the campus rules we’d agreed to and I’d guess about 90-95% of us* did, so… that was the campus culture. The impression I got was the administration was much more inclined to police the *professors*.
The stories on that instagram are absolutely appalling.
To me the honor code was that- a code I agreed to honor on a very personal level. Of course I knew people who chose not to follow all the rules (opposite sex in bedrooms or in apartments late- idk if I even knew the tank top rule. Kind of mind boggling for exercise purposes). However the idea of turning people in is ridiculous. We are all responsible only for ourselves and encouraging others to turn people in goes against this belief. Someone who has a victim mentality or is vindictive or just doesn’t like someone can certainly use the current office to get back at others. I thought that even when I was in school. Can you imagine this in church? If everyone ran to tell the Bishop every wrong thing people they know are doing that would be chaos.
If a Bishop is working with a student and feels as part of the repentance process they cannot give an ecclesiastical endorsement then that seems slightly more legit for a suspension from school until the student has repented but then as long as they are willing to follow the honor code shouldn’t they be allowed back? Of course this gives power to the Bishop but I feel like MOST bishops are good men doing their best who are HOPEFULLY following the spirit. Not so much with the Honor Code Office. They seem like people taking themselves far too seriously who don’t go to the proper people who have been put in a position to cast some judgment (hopefully righteous) but instead cast judgement themselves self-righteously. Anyway these stories make me sad and I do hope BYU re-evaluates (preferably with help from the spiritual leaders of the church) how this office runs. Just as with at church we acknowledge this is a place for imperfect people BYU needs to create a feeling of acceptance and love not fear mongering.